Despondent | (Completed but editing)

Chapter 10.

AUTHORS NOTE

Trigger warning - if any description of unwanted contact, self harm, etc triggers you please click off. This is going to be the only warning for the whole book ~

Jason's POV.

I slowly pull my arm from underneath Lana's small body and gently roll her the opposite direction, allowing me to move. I gently climb off the bed and tiptoe into the front room. I take a seat on the black leather couch and down the rest of my drink from earlier and then vodka gives me the familiar burn that I crave so much. Drinking does distract me a lot, however I drink so much I don't even get drunk anymore; I just crave the burn.

My elbows rest on my knees and my head in between my hands, pulling at my hair slightly. I debate my options. I can either just fuck Zoe off completely and be happy with Lana. Or I could stay with Zoe and let things progress with Lana and keep Zoe as something to go back to when anything goes wrong. Something to fuck if Lana isn't there, someone to feel needed by for the moments when Lana wants me gone.

I couldn't do that to Lana. She wouldn't do that to me. She's broken and damaged like me and she would never put someone else through the pain she's familiar with, I just know she wouldn't. I reach into my pocket and pull my phone out, lighting it up by holding my thumb down on the home button and unlocking it. I press the messages button and open Zoe's chat up.

Me: Zoe..

She replies eagerly within seconds.

Zoe: Hey baby, what's up? <3

Me: I need to talk to you.

Zoe: okay Hun, what's up?

Me: I can't keep seeing you Zoe, I'm happy with someone else..

Zoe: what! You can't keep doing this to me.

Me: I can't help who I catch feelings for Zo. I don't love you and I'm pretty sure that's obvious! When was the last time I saw you or hugged you? I'm sorry but it's time for me to be happy. I hope you find someone who treats you right and really loves you.

Zoe: cool I've been getting off with your friend drew for the past few weeks anyway lol , lots of love

I giggle at the thought of her getting off with Drew. I decide to text him and see what's going on because admittedly he has been a bit distant recently and perhaps that's why. I open Drew's chat and text him.

Me: yo dude?

Drew: alright? What's up? It's late man

Me: I spoke to Zoe earlier.

Drew: that's good I guess? Have u finished with her because it's not fair on Lana and I know for sure she'll commit suicide or something if she finds about u and Zoe

Me: of course I've finished with her, she said she's been getting off with youu for a few weeks.

Drew: yeah and? U never loved her, u used her man do what's it to you?

Me: it doesn't mean anything to me. Good for you,, be with her I don't care just don't mention nothin. Imma head to bed now, have a good night man.

Drew: night brother.

I slowly walk back into the bedroom, making sure not to make any noise and disturb Lana in her sleep. I close the door and turn to face the bed, Lana is squirming around everywhere, making loud panting noises. I crawl onto the bed next to her and shake her awake. Her eyes flutter open and look at me.

"Lana, are you okay?" I say loudly enough for her to hear me but not loud enough to completely wake her from her sleepy state.

"No," she says in a sleepy voice.

"What happened? Did you have a bad dream?" I ask and she nods.

"Liam did it again," she says and drifts back off to sleep in my arms.

Who was Liam? What could he possibly have done to her for her to be haunted by it in her dreams? Was this a regular thing for her, or something that happened once in a while? Maybe he was an ex boyfriend? Someone who fucked her heart up?

I'll ask her about it in the morning when we could both possibly comprehend anything. I can see a beam of sunlight come through the long curtains whilst I try to shut my eyes, letting me know it's around 5am. It still got light early in the early weeks of September but hopefully soon it will start getting a bit later. My eyes begin to flutter shut and I drift off to sleep peacefully knowing that I'm no longer lying to Lana.

Lana's POV.

Liam's arm wraps around my shoulder and pulls me closer to him as we watch an episode of The Walking Dead. His thumb strokes my cheek and he pulls me closer to him and begins to kiss me passionately. I think so at least. His tongue plays with my new lip piercing on my bottom lip, and I part my lips slightly and lazily, not really in the mood for a make out session but I comply anyway because I don't want a pathetic argument tonight. I move my tongue against his and he climbs on top of me, grinding against me and I let out a fake moan just to keep him happy. I don't like how he is when he is angry.

"I want to fuck you Lana," he breathes onto my neck.

"I, I, don't think I'm ready yet," I say. I definitely am not ready to have sex with him. We've only done a few sexual things and I've only ever been fingered once however he was 3 years older than me and he'd been around a few times. He's fucked at least 12 girls and been blown by at least 30. I had given him a few blowjobs in the past few weeks but only to keep him happy. I don't like it when he slaps me. I'll do anything to avoid it.

However, I can't go through with this. I'm only fourteen. I'm not ready to have sex.

"You are ready," he says in a demanding tone, his fringe hitting me in the face as he jolts his head up quickly.

"I'm not," I say, scared.

"It's going to happen tonight. Don't you think I deserve it? You're in my house and I'm letting you stay here whilst you're on bad terms with your mum. Come on, you don't want me to be angry do you?"

"N-no," I stutter, "but Liam please. I don't want to go through with this."

"Well you're going too," he says as his hand connects with my cheek. It stings but I don't complain because it could be a lot worse than that. Maybe that's all he's going to do? He wouldn't force sex on me, would he? He begins to lift my shirt up and I scream, I scream loud..

I'm woken up by Jason shaking me. My eyes flutter open and find him in the dim light.

"Lana, are you okay?" He asks me quietly.

"No," I force out of my dry throat.

"What happened? Did you have a bad dream?" He asks and I nod.

"Liam did it again," I say as I drift back off to sleep.