Despondent | (Completed but editing)

Chapter 24.

I put the pen down, my hand aching. I take a quick scan over my work, making sure there's no mistakes.

'For as long as I can remember, you've been a part of my life. For nearly 9 years now. Even before I knew you was here, you was, and I don't have any memories without you anymore. You have become such a big part of my life, once upon a time making me think I was different. Far from normal. But now, we've grown together. You've engraved yourself and built a shelter inside of me. At a point in my life I was attached to the idea of you always being here with me. Not because I wanted to be, but because that's how you made me feel.

We've had a lot of experiences together, we've tried all sorts of drugs and met new people together. People who didn't want you to be with me anymore. Some days, you allow me to be on my own and breathe. Other days you suffocate me and isolate me.

Oh, you piss me off. And what pisses me off the most is the fact that you will give me periods of time to breathe. Consecutive days, and it's those days that I believe I'm finally moving on. Every time I feel like I'm starting to move forward and recover, every time I feel like I'm piecing myself back together, you hit me twice as hard as you did before.

It fucks me up knowing that I have no power. Sometimes the pills work, but they're the same as sweeping dust under a rug. You're still there, just out of sight. I've come to a place in my life where you are getting on my nerves more than you had before. I can feel you slightly fading away, slowly taking down the place you have built in the back of my mind. You're slowly fading into a whisper. I realise you are a mental illness, but I think it's about time you gave me a break. You're always going to be here, I'm always going to be forced to battle with you for the rest of my life. And I can deal with that, I just want to be genuinely happy sometimes. It's not much to ask for.'

"Lana, that's absolutely amazing," Jason says, putting the sheet of paper down and turning to cup my cheeks.

"It's not, it's dumb, I'm just going to be shamed," I say, realising that's it's probably a stupid idea to read that out in front of the whole drama department on Friday.

"No, Lana, it's so meaningful. You're an amazing writer," he tells me, leaning his forehead against mine.

"Thanks, I guess," I shrug and kiss his nose before scooting onto the bed and laying down on my phone. Jason follows me and lays next to me, watching me.

AUTHORS NOTE

Short but it's the second chapter for today.

Tell me what you think of the speech, I think it has a lot of meaning behind it and it took me ages to find the right words to right it.

See you tomorrow loves x