Dear Niall {A Niall Horan Fanfiction}

December 10, 2014

December 10, 2014

Jackie's POV

Niall and I have been a couple for a little over a month and a half now. I love him so much. The past few days he's been off though. He's been coming home from the studio late, and he's been acting distant. I'm worried because this is how it started with Evan.

A few weeks ago Niall tweeted me telling me he loves me. The fans knew we were dating, but they didn't know I have a twitter account. Now I get hate sometimes and it's been hard. Some days are worst than others. I used to think I have Niall to talk to about it all, but I'm not so sure anymore. I'm afraid of him turning into Evan. I'm afraid that he never cared from the beginning. I'm afraid that he's just dating me out of pity.

I'm sitting on the couch reading my twitter mentions. Today is one of those days that I'm getting a lot, and all them seem to be bad. Most of them are telling me to leave Niall alone and die. My eyes started to get watery. I heard the door slam closed. Good, Niall's home. He'll comfort me. I turned my phone off and wiped my eyes. He walked up the stairs screaming curse words. I could tell he had a bad day. I followed him upstairs. I checked our room, no Niall. I checked the lounge room and he was sitting in a recliner, his head thrown back in anger.

"Niall, want to tell me what's wrong?" I asked walking towards him. I flinched when he yelled at me. His eyes are closed but he's facing me.

"Just go away Jackie!" I was shocked to say the least. He never yelled t me. Mostly because he knows what I went through with Evan and my father.

"Niall what's wrong? You don't want to talk it out?" I asked only to be yelled at again.

"I just don't want to talk right now!" He sighs in annoyance and opens his eyes to raise his hands to rub his face.

"But Niall I j-"

"Jackie, leave!" He yells finally looking me in the eyes.

"O-ok. Sorry Niall, I'll leave you alone." I said more of a whisper to him. My voice cracked as I walked out the room. I go into the bathroom. If he really wants me gone, and doesn't want to talk to me when he's upset then I might as well. I talk to him when I'm upset. I got out a piece of paper and a pen.

Dear Niall,

I'm sorry I annoyed you. I just wanted you to understand that I was there for you like you were always there for me. I hope I won't be a bother anymore.

I was always afraid of you turning into Evan. The past few days you'v been acting like he did before he started hitting me. Then you yelled at me. I was so scared.

It's sad to think this is the last letter I will ever write to you.

I hope you have better days now without me to disturb you. Without me to get in your way.

Love always and forever,
Jackie

I folded it up, wrote his name on it then slipped it half way under the door. I waited for Niall to pick it up then I went back into the bathroom. I locked the door, then got out my weapon of choice. I rolled up the sleeves of my sweatshirt. I pressed the cold blade to the skin on my left wrist. I dragged it in a strait line down the middle of my arm. I saw blood streaming out.

"I love you Niall James Horan." I looked around the white bathroom.

"Jac? Can you open the door?" He sounded a little calmer. I closed my eyes just as the door broke down. I was instantly in Niall's arms.

"No. Baby please stay with me." I looked into his sad blue eyes. He took out his phone and typed in a number. "Hello? My girlfriend is attempting suicide. I need an ambulance here right now!" He gave them his address and hug up. He held onto me tighter.

"I'm so so so sorry. I love you so much. I shouldn't have done that. I should've told you what happened today." My eyes started closing and I could feel darkness wrapping around me. "No!" He started screaming as someone pulled him off of me.

The last thing I saw was Niall's crying, screaming face.

Niall's POV

Why the hell did I say those things? Why did I do that? I should've talked to her about it. Now I might lose her forever.

I've been sitting in the waiting room of the emergency room for almost four hours now. I'm not going home until I'm able to leave with her in my arms. When she's in my arms alive an healthy. When I first got here I passed around the room. I couldn't sit still. Now all I could do was sit here and stare at the wall.

I probably look insane. I have her blood all on the front of my white tee shirt, my arms, and I wouldn't wash it off. The nurses tried to help me wash it off, but I just pushed them away.

It has been almost six hours sitting in here now before a doctor finally came in to get me.

"We were able to stop the bleeding, and got her arms stitched up. She didn't cut through any main artery's. She's extremely weak, but she's alive and breathing. She's extremely lucky to be alive right now. She's sleeping, but I know you want to see her." I didn't even wait for him to show me this time. I asked for the room number and ran. When I got to her door I froze. I couldn't move. I finally forced my hand to push the door open. I walked inside and closed the door behind me. I slowly made my way to her. She has an IV in her arm, tubes up her nose, and a machine next to her is continuously beeping.

I sat next to her and softly rested my hand in hers. I looked at her left arm. I did that. I was the cause of that. How could I do that to her? I was so angry. I couldn't let out my anger here. The doctor walked in as I got up.

"I need some air. If she wakes up and I'm not back, tell her I love her and I'll be back." He nodded then I quickly left. Walking fast down the halls. I got outside and screamed s loud as I can. The lads have always said that I couldn't hurt a fly, but they've never seen this side of me. I need to go to Liam's or Harry's or Louis' or Zayn's. I just need a hug from one of them. I instantly thought of Harry. He's the only one who knows about her scars except for me.

I got into my Range Rover. I got to Harry's in no time. Given the fact that I probably ran three red lights. I jogged up to his front door and knocked. He was there in pajama pants in a few seconds. As soon as I saw his face I wrapped my arms around him. It took him a second to realize it was me. He slowly wrapped his arms around me. When I pulled away he looked at me. Even though he's the youngest I'v always felt like the baby of the group.

"What's wrong Nialler?" I looked into his emerald eyes.

"It's Jackie." He left and came back a few minutes later pulling a jumper over his head. He took my keys and got into the car.

"Where is she Niall?"

"At the hospital. I just couldn't take it anymore. I had to go to you before I did something stupid."

"What happened?" I told him everything. I started with when I got home, and finished with looking at her lying in the hospital bed.

"I'm glad you came to me." He got out and we walked in together. e got to her room and it looks like she hasn't woken up yet. I sat down next to her and I noticed that Harry couldn't stop staring at her left arm. He sat in the chair on the other side of her bed. I held her hand and we just sat there in silence. A nurse came in and this time I let her get the blood off of me. I didn't change out of my shirt though. I soon fell asleep with Jac's hand in mine.