*Connor and L have Shrek tied up in an interrogation room*
Connor: alright Hulk, what was the big idea, trying to kill Lightning McQueen?
Shrek: you don't understand! I mean no ill will towards him!
Connor: then why did you shoot him with a bazooka?!
Shrek: because I was being paid to!
L: you were?
Shrek: let me explain in a flashback.
L: there seems to be a lot of that going on.
*Flashback starts*
*Shows Shrek aiming the bazooka at Lightning McQueen, and he's on the phone.*
Shrek: listen, you hired me to kill Lightning McQueen. Here I am, but why am I still seeing zeroes in my bank account?
Phone voice: you get the money once you do the job.
Shrek: no, I get the money now or I put down the bazooka. Only four laps left in the race.
Phone voice: do your job or I wont pay–
Shrek: in about 20 seconds, the race will be over
Phone voice: fine
*phone screen shows Shrek's bank account going from $0 to $1,000,000,000*
Shrek: good now double it for being a jerkface
Phone voice: *groan*
*Bank account goes from $1,000,000,000 to $2,000,000,000*
Shrek: pleasure doing business with you
*Hangs up phone*
Shrek: *shoots Lightning McQueen with bazooka*
*Flashback ends*
Connor: why would you take the job?! Are you crazy?!
Shrek: what do you expect? My career has turned into a bunch of internet memes including that one video Shrek is lo–
Connor: NO! WE DO NOT SPEAK OF THAT! I STILL HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT THAT! I WAS CRYING SO HARF AFTERWARD I HAD TO MAKE SURE IT WASNT ONIONS!
Shrek: can I go now?
Connor: NO! Answer me, who were you working for?
Shrek: Never!
Connor: WHO WERE YOU WORKING FOR?!
Shrek: I'll never tell you!
Connor: *slams Shrek's face into table* WHO WERE YOU WORKING FOR?!?!
Shrek: I DON'T KNOW!!! HE WORE A THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE MASK WHEN I MET HIM!!!!
Connor: great. Now what do we do?
Shrek: you might want to ask another one of his clients.
Connor: and who might that be?
Shrek: *whispers in Connor's ear*
Connor: !!!!!
Connor: PLEASE NO! ANYONE BUT THAT!
Shrek: then I guess you'll never figure out who wanted Lightning McQueen dead.
Connor: fine! I'll do it! But I won't like it! Come on L. *Opens sling ring portal*
*Connor and L walk through portal, leaving Shrek alone, still tied up*
Shrek: uh, hello? Anybody? I'm still tied up...Hello?
To be continued
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What Happens When Fanboys and Death Note Mix
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