The Missing Frame

Kabanata 21.4

ROLANDO

She looked a bit scared, yes. But brave at the same time. And I was suddenly afraid of what I could do out-of-the-blue, so I took a step back and brought my gaze down.

"Remember that time I told you I had to tell you something?" simula ko. Now is the perfect time to tell her perhaps. What if malaman niya nang wala sa oras—'yong tipong sa ibang tao niya pa matuklasan ang katotohanan? I couldn't risk it. Baka magalit siya sa 'kin. Baka hindi na niya ako mapatawad. She might take it forever against me. And losing her would be—I don't even know. Kailangan kong sabihin ngayon.

But even before I could start, she was quick to answer: "Next time na lang po siguro."

"I think I need to tell you now," sabi ko.

She'd already turned away. "Bukas na lang po tayo mag-usap."

"Natasha?" I grabbed her arm. "What's wrong?"

"I'm fine." She reclaimed her arm. "Kailangan ko lang matulog. Masakit ulo ko." She marched away.

"Natasha?" Nang hindi siya bumalik, sinundan ko siya, pero binilisan niya ang pagkilos at naunahan niya akong umakyat. Nang makahabol ako, sinalpakan niya ako ng pinto.

"Natasha?" Kumatok ako. It tried to open the door, but it was locked. "Natasha!"

Maya-maya'y nasa tabi ko na si Aling Linda. "Ano'ng nangyayari?" dilat na dilat ang kaniyang mga mata. "Mamaya ipatawag tayo sa baranggay."

"It's nothing." Do'n ko lang napansing I was panting hard, as if I ran five miles without stopping. Siguro ang lakas ng boses ko kanina nga. "Matulog na po kayo ulit. Pasensya na po."

She was hesitant at first; but thankfully, she left.

And I was alone by the door again. I no longer shouted. I just simply called Natasha's name again. But as before, no response.

I slid down to the floor and rested my ear against the door. Naririnig ko siyang umiiyak. "Natasha..." Kung tutuusin pwede ko nang isigaw ang lahat ng kailangan kong sabihin. Maririnig naman niya ako. Pero hindi ko ginawa because I wanted it to be a proper conversation. I didn't know how she'd react. Kailangan face to face kami.

"Natasha..." This was the consequence of keeping it a secret from her. I should have told her the moment we met. In the receiving room of the orphanage. Or in that car ride from Antipolo. Or better: I should have asked Nay Juanita to explain everything to her in the first place.

I shouldn't have made Dolores an excuse.

Pinikit ko ang mga mata ko. "Can weplease talk?"