Running From Heaven (H2OVanoss) [Completed]

Chapter 23

I GOT MY PHONE TAKEN AWAY FOR A WEEK SO IDK WHEN ILL BE ABLE TO CHECK MY NOTIFS RIP ME I HAD A GOOD RUN

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Jonathan was taken to the hospital by Tyler and David, so he wasn't there when Evan got home and was immediately wrapped into a hug from everyone that stayed.

"It's not like I died again." Evan grumbled, lightly pushing them so they would get the message.

They pulled away, mumbling their apologies, but Craig still clung to him.

"Sorry it didn't work out this time, Ev." He whispered into his ear, causing Evan to reluctantly hug him in return.

"It's not your fault." He whispered back as they pulled away from each other.

"You should get some sleep." Craig said once he finally got a good look at his brother, the guys nodded in agreement.

Without another word, Evan slunk back up to his room, letting his head hang sadly, knowing his friends were watching him.

--

Locking the door was a hard decision for him to make at the moment, it really was, and it was pathetic, to him at least.

Closing it? That was the easy part, but did he really want it to be locked? Was he feeling that bad right now? So bad that he just wanted no one to talk to him, to ask how he's feeling, that he just wanted to do what he always did and shut everyone out?

Did he want that, or did he just wish he wanted it?

He grabbed a pillow off his bed to muffle an agonized scream, nothing had ever felt so amazing. It made the pain less dense, the numb feeling fade just a bit, it was great. He was calming down.

Finally, he made his decision. He went straight over to the door and left it slightly ajar, inviting in anyone who wished to enter. Hell, maybe even Jonathan.

Evan wanted things to be different, this was different, showing people- specifically Jonathan- that he didn't care, he was completely fine. Which he was, in all honesty.

Seriously, why else would he give out his number to some cute guy in a cafe? Well, it could be because he's absolutely insane, but he already knew that, so he was going with the first option.

He was so hurt and broken and fucked up that he couldn't find it in himself to care about anything anymore. He was over it, caring about every part of his life while others just brushed it off.

They just thought he was adjusting, but they don't know how much he's struggling, how hard it is to wake up every morning and not know who the hell you were, it hurt, physically and mentally. All he wanted was for it to stop, that wasn't a lot to ask for, right?

It must be, because he was asking for it. The hybrid who was brought back from the dead, the one who used to be a guardian, the one that the entire supernatural universe is looking for! He doesn't get anything he actually wants, because that would be too generous.

So, no, he didn't get to eat, to sleep, to relax and have fun with his friends, to have a boyfriend who wasn't a dick, to understand who the hell he was, he didn't get that. Craig would get that, but not him, he was destined to be miserable.

So he gave in. He's miserable, mission accomplished, so he'll pretend he's fine, it's not like he can fall apart anymore, there's hardly a piece of him left. His filter was not even needed anymore.

He laid down on his bed, shutting his eyes with the intention of getting some sleep, but he couldn't. Sitting up in annoyance, he looked around his room sadly.

All of the things in the room were his, everything he had ever owned- his clothes, his books, his posters, his sketchbooks- but it hurt to look at them, like there was something missing from all of it.

Home, Evan thought to himself. It's not home.

He didn't think he would miss Hell, not since he went to that party four years ago, but now he did, he missed it. Everything about the place that should be miserable, he missed it.

As he wallowed in homesickness, there was a knock on the door, and Evan jumped up in fright.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." It was Craig, and Evan didn't bother to turn to him as he replied.

"It's fine. It's not like I can fall asleep anyway." The demon closed the door behind him and sat down next to his brother.

"You okay?" Evan didn't know how to answer that, there was too much going on inside his head, like always, but he couldn't tell Craig that.

"No." He said quietly, causing Craig to wrap him into another hug, Evan didn't protest. "But, I don't think I'm supposed to be." He admitted quietly.

Craig pulled away. "Why not?" His tone was almost snappy, it made Evan wince.

The hybrid looked at his brother, his eyes sad and tired. "Think about it, when have I ever been happy for an extended amount of time? Maybe a month at most, then everything gets ruined, I just attract misery."

"That's not true, don't say that! You're just hurting right now-"

"Craig, I've been hurting for about everyday of my life for one reason or another, that's just who I am, nothing to do with what's going on around me. I'm just a negative person, you can't change that."

"I've known you for the longest time, and if that were true, then I wouldn't have let you stay with me all those years, we wouldn't be as close as we are now!"

"We're only this close because of my misery, Craig, because I have such a fucked up history."

Craig stood up. "Don't be like this, Ev, this isn't you-"

"Then who am I, huh Craig? What kind of person do you think I am? Because I can guarantee that you're wrong."

"You're my best friend, my brother, the person who always has my back no matter what, the guy who will do the right thing not because he wants to, but because he has to. You beat yourself up so much, you're anxious about everything, you deserve so much more than what you have! That's who you are, Evan. Now come on, just talk to me."

Evan shook his head. "No, I don't want to drag you down with me, you're too important."

"Evan-"

"No, listen, okay? You're still a guardian, you're still protecting these humans, I'm not, my sentence was up the minute I died in that basement, but you didn't. You still have Tyler to think about, you have everyone to think about, don't include me in that, I'm fine on my own."

"I forgot you did that." Craig said, backing up. Evan stayed quiet. "That you shut out anyone who tries to help you before you completely explode, before you hurt yourself or someone else. I forgot that you get so wrapped up in self loathing that you won't let anyone get in the way of that. Tell me, if you're so miserable here, why don't you just go back to Hell?"

The demon stormed out, slamming the door shut behind him as Evan kept his eyes on the ground, the conversation replaying in his head as he realized he had just shut out the last thing that kept him from doing anything insane. He successfully isolated himself once again.

Maybe Craig was right, maybe Hell was just a better fit for him.

Either way, he was gone by the next morning.