Just Desserts

Chapter 13

NOTE: I know I know... I'm sorry I'm not updating often. I will try and do it as much as possible. I promise. Thank you so much for any of you guys who are still reading this fic.

Sam

​​​​​​​Jessica grabbed my hands and led me over to the couch where we sat down. It was awkwardly silent as I stared at her, confused about how she was here, why she came back, what she knew, and especially how I felt about the whole situation. This whole thing had my head spinning.

Dean cleared his throat which caused me to jump slightly. I pulled my hands out of Jess' and wiped my hands on my pants to rid them of sweat, ignroring the slightly upset look on her face as I did so.

"So.. umm... how are you here?" he asked. Jessica started explaining about how someone showed up at the door claiming to be my friend and she invited them in. She explained how she died after finding out about my other lifestyle. She explained how she had crawled out of the ground and Dean winced, probably remembering the similar experience he had.

At some point everyone had left and it was just Jess and I sitting on the couch. I refused to look at her as I tried to sort through my thoughts.

Jess sighed deeply, taking my hands in hers but I still refused to look her in the eye. She grabbed my chin and pulled my head up so that our eyes would meet. She leaned in close, bringing our lips together. My heart fluttered in my chest but it wasn't the same.

I moved my arms to her shoulders to push her away. She pulled me closer, kissing me harder, nipping at my bottom lip, trying to gain access. It felt good. It really did. I had missed this... everything about it... I missed Jessica so much. It took me a long time to finally get over her... far too long for my liking, but this was... It wasn't the same. It felt different. My heart fluttered but it had a slightly painful rythm to it, as if it knew that this wasn't what it wanted.

And it was true... I didn't want this, but if it made the other two happy, then I would go through with it.

Jessica pressed harder into me, trying to gain access to my mouth. One painful nip and my stomach rolled. I pushed her away slightly before getting up and running to the bathroom. She looked really upset as she yelled after me. I barely made it to the toilet before hurling up my lunch. I flushed the toilet, sliding down the wall, my eyes closing as I ran my hands through my hair.

My heart pounded in my chest as I tried to calm my breathing. Jess slid down next to me, wrapping an arm around me but I slid out of range. This time I awknowledged the upset look on her face and suddenly felt very selfsih and I felt like I needed to explain myself... but I couldn't just tell her the truth.

"Jess..." I started, steeling myself against the hurt look I knew I'd recieve. "I... I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"J-just... not being able to kiss you back... o-or... you know hugging you. I just can't..." I started. I had to stop for a moment and catch my breath. I had to piece together what I was going to say. I took a deep breath before continuing. "I'm just... It took me a long time... far too long... to get over your death. It hit me hard and... now when I finally did... you come crashing back into my life. I just... I-I..."

I turned and hurled into the toilet once again, cursing myself for not being able to talk to her with the normal cool-headedness that I usually had when talking to people. "I... I have to get used to... We need..." I paused again, trying to gather my thoughts once again as my eyes welled with tears. "I need to get used to having you around again." I finally stated.

Jessica looked like she was about to cry, like she knew there was something more than just that, but she wouldn't push it. "It's okay Sam. I understand. We will take it as slow as you need to. I'll be here for you when you are ready again." she smiled sadly. I thanked her, giving her a huge hug before I helped her up.

My mind whirled as I made my way down the hall upstairs to show her to the bedroom. I let her take my bed and made my way down to the couch in the living room.

I curled into a ball, trying to keep my stomach from turning again. Why did I get sick all of a sudden? I thought it over. I didn't feel sick, not until I really noticed that Jess was kissing me expectantly. Maybe it was my body's way of telling me that it wasn't right.

I curled into a tighter ball, trying to keep those kinds of thoughts from plaguing my mind. I felt horrible. I didn't know what to do. I missed Jessica so much and I still loved her but it wasn't the same and when I thought about Gabriel... I couldn't help smiling. He always made me feel like I could be myself, and he knew about my life and didn't care. Of course now Jessica did too, but it was different.

I wanted to feel good like that all the time but... Gabriel... he didn't seem like he wanted to have anything to do with me when he left. My chest hurt slightly at the thought. Maybe my feelings were one sided. Maybe he hadn't liked me back. Maybe once he had found out that his soulmate was human, he was disgusted and didn't want anything to do with me. The thought made my chest hurt more as my heart pounded loudly throughout my body and my body shook as I cried.

Everything had begun to hurt. My heart... my head... my stomach... it felt as though even my soul had been torn to shreds. I was completely and utterly lost with no idea about what to do and no way to deal with the pain that lanced through my body with each sob. Maybe it was meant to be this way. Maybe I was always meant to end up with a person who I loved before in a completely different way. Maybe I was destined to live like this, while my soulmate was off doing other things, not a thought in his mind about the one boy who he was supposed to be with... with the one boy who could never provide him with the things that he needed. Maybe.. just maybe.