▍Starlight | j.jk ✔

001

There is a moment in the morning just as the sun begins to poke its way into view. The moment bright and early in the morning where peace both starts and ends. I will never completely understand the feeling that comes over me when I see the sun begins to rise.

The feeling of thankfulness that the night that seems so neverending finally ends matched with knowing I'm about to meet the cruelty the day has for me. Sometimes I just want to disappear within myself.

I count down the seconds in my head awaiting the sound of my alarm that, like every day will rip through the silence within my room.

It does just that right on time. My phone vibrating on my bedside table. I throw my body back with a deep breath trying my best to collect myself. I blink and blink trying to shake away the drowsiness. But my small actions don't seem to help.

I'm not much fazed by the disruption my phone is causing, but the loud pounds on my bedroom door tell me that it may have disturbed someone else. I reach over and switch my alarm off following the orders coming from the other side of the door.

I begin to hear the sound of creaks of the floorboards and heavy footsteps slowly making their way from my bedroom door. My mouth puffs out a breath before lowering my face down into my sheets. I want nothing more than to sink into them and let them envelop me. I want nothing more than to disappear.

Ever so slightly i begin to move from my comfortable placement on top of my bed, pulling myself from the sheets and pillow. Lifting my head to meet the day. Not with a smile and not with a frown.

But definitely with contempt.

I finally take the time to look around this room. When i arrived late last night the first thing i did was crash. But now actually focusing on my surroundings i feel sick.

I did not miss this place at all.

I reach up and run my hands back through my hair letting the long strands flow through my fingers. My teeth bite down on the inside of my cheek, my body trying to adjust, my mind trying to process what to do next. Nothing within me is on the same page.

I huff before pulling myself into a standing position. My bare feet pressing to the cold wood flooring below them sending chills up and through my entire body. Resulting in a shiver.

The entirety of this room is chilly. My eyes are quick to find the reason for that.

I stumble forward towards the open window beside the bottom of my bed. I lean over its frame to pull the window closed. Hugging myself tightly afterward to try and warm myself up. My palms slide up and down across the skin of my upper arms creating friction as my body tries to hang onto whatever warmth it can get.

It's going to be grand undressing in here.

I walk back to the bedside table and take my phone in my hands checking what time it is.

'7:09'

I want to groan when my eyes roll over those three numbers knowing with every minute the time for school comes closer and closer.

I hold my pained complaint within, tossing my phone down onto the bed before dropping down to the floor to grab ahold of my suitcase. I pull the zipper around, opening it up to reveal all of my clothes.

Everything inside just feels like too much. Too much than what I feel like being today. I want to sink into an oversized t-shirt with sweatpants and pout all day.

But I'm better than that.

I have to be better.

I lick my lips before beginning to dig through the case. Hoping to find something that won't make me want to scream today. But I find no such things.

I sit down my butt pressing onto the hard flooring as I pull out a couple things. Reaching down I take hold of the hem of my shirt and pull it up over my head with ease tossing it aside without a second thought.

From there I pull my top on over my head, the stretchy fabric holding my stomach tightly. The straps grasping onto my shoulders making me want to scream out in frustration.

I try my very best not to let my situation get to me. I try not to let what has happened to affect me even more than it already has.

But I can't make myself happy.

I'm not happy.

I stand up and lay my clothes at the end of the bed before reaching for the ties on my pants, undoing them before letting them fall off of my body. The air from the room hits my warmed up legs hard. My body shakes, and I can't help it. But I just continue to get ready, working through it.

Voices from outside my room begin to ring lightly in my ears. Not loud enough to be able to hear the specific conversation. But in all honesty, I don't care much about what they are talking about.

I reach over and grab the skirt I had gotten from my suitcase and begin to undo the little metal button at the side. Its cool under my fingers as I take hold of it. Pulling it out of the small loop.

I step into the skirt after lowering it enough to ease in. Once my legs are safely inside I pull it up and begin to clasp it around my waist. The voices from outside my room getting louder.

I give my head a shake, strands of hair falling down in front of my eyes.

I bend over before pulling up quickly letting all my hair fly back behind me, out of my eyes. But when I do so, and I lift my head up my eyes meet the eyes of someone else.

Out the window, inside the house beside this one.

Watching me.

I just watched Joyner Lucas's Forever and im all in my emotions balling my eyes out. So if this is super emotional im sorry. He always fucks me up. WTF!? Im literally a mess right now. Im shaking lol.

Well, i hope you guys like the new book and are going to continue to support me and it. I love you all so much ~ Livvy