▍Starlight | j.jk ✔

021

{Jungkook's POV}

There is so much I want to say to him. I want to shout and curse him out. Both of them.. But I know I can't. I'm better than that.

Or maybe I'm not, maybe I'm not a good person at all. I've just been taught what is and isn't acceptable within these walls. I'm not a good person, I'm a weak person who can't fight back. I didn't choose to follow these rules, I was forced to.

"I thought you were going out with Taehyung."

My mother's voice flows through my ears bringing my attention down to her. I plop myself down on the couch across from her.

My head is full of questions and things I want to say to her, but I don't have the strength to let them slip from my lips into the world. I just send her a nod and tell her there was a change of plans.

"How have you been?" She asks with a light but forced smile.

You would know if you were ever here.

"I've been good."

The lie slips from my mouth as easily as the rest of them. I have become pretty good at it. The only thing i can't control is my eyes. They show emotion oh to well, but if i look away and avoid eye contact it only makes my lie more obvious.

Good thing my mother isn't one to search for the lie. Even if she knows im not being truthful she will still accept it. Because if she does she can still pretend she is a good mother. But if she calls me out for it, that means she has to face the fact that she is failing.

And that her son is slowly drowning.

But she would never do that.

So now i guess we just continue on living this life of pretend.

We are both pretty good at that.

I sink back into the couch turning away from my mother's eyes, no longer able to handle seeing the sadness that overwhelms them.

A silence overcomes us. neither knowing what to say to the other.

"Umm, have you met the new neighbor's daughter?" She asks taking in a deep and uneasy breath. I look down to the floor in front of her, not wanting to look back up at her face. I send her a small nod, the words not coming out.

"What is she like?"

A pain in the ass.

"Shes okay i guess."

My mother shifts in her seat. "Do you think we should invite them over for dinner sometime?"

That sounds like a horrible idea.

"Yeah.. whatever."

I will definitely not be attending that dinner. And it's not because i don't like Y/N or have anything against her family. Its just, diner sitting around a table pretending like everything is fine and dandy to strangers doesn't really seem fun to me.

I do enough of that.. i don't need more.

"I was talking with one of my friends the other day and she brought up the girls father. Apparently, things weren't always great under that roof."

I finally look up to meet her eyes, my eyebrows pinching together.

Yeah... and everything under this roof is just sunshine and roses.

"When did you become one for gossip?"
She looks to me slightly offended.

"We were just talking." She defends.

I try to hold my tongue like always, but the words slip out as my need to correct her actions grows to hard to hold back. "No, you were just judging."

Her eyes get big.

"Whats got into you!?" My mother's voice raises to me slightly.

"I'm just saying, you of all people have no right to judge others on their home life. And you definitely have no right to be judging other people on the men they live with. In case you haven't noticed you not the best at picking them either."

She stares at me stunned. And i know in that moment i went too far. But it was like, the moment i started i couldn't stop.

There is so much i want to say to her, and most of it would hurt her. Which is why i don't. My feelings for her are not happy ones. I don't look up to her, or admire her. I used to pity her a lot more than i do now.

I feel bad, i always will. She is my mother.

But at this point, she's doing it to herself.

"How dare you." She states, her tone still raised as she looks to me like she doesn't even know me anymore. All im wondering is why it took her so long to realize.

She hasn't taken the time to get to know me. I'm not the same person i was when she was actually interested.

Heavy footsteps fill the hallway as my father nears. I look for a way out but he is moving to quick, and i realize then escape is too far out of my reach. So all i can do is stand and wait.

"Whats going on?"

It's not even seconds before my mother has spilled the beans about the entire interaction we just had. Not much reluctance throwing me under the bus. I bite down on the inside of my cheek, now keeping my mouth completely shut. Im about to walk away when a hard grip clamps down on my arm.

"Apologize to your mother," he orders.

And for a moment, it's just the two of us glaring each other down. My jaw tightens as my teeth clenched trying to hold back everything inside of me. Fighting every urge flowing through my body.

It's not long after that when i give up, looking down at the floor. Letting him win.

"I'm sorry."

There is so much I want to say to him. I want to shout and curse him out. Both of them.. But I know I can't. I'm better than that.

Okay guys, im so sorry updates are so fucked. But i wanted to get this one out before we hit 100K. At the moment we are at 99.8K. Which is inaise. I love you guys so much. Thank you for this. I hope you all have an amazing day. ~Livvy