▍Starlight | j.jk ✔

042

Don't think to much into Taehyung's friend. I use "He" a lot and this isn't like it was with Taehyung in the beginning. Im not adding another member as Taehyungs friend. I just realized after i was finished writing that i never gave him a name. And with the way i was writing this book you all would probably assume it was me being an asshole giving you more questions lmfao.

{Taehyung's POV}

Sometimes i feel as if my time is wasted on the things i choose to do. Its not that i dont have dreams and aspirations, its just i have no way of reaching them. I wish i had something else i could be doing. But i have nothing else to focus my time on.

Here i stand, a young man in my early twenties. Doing absolutely nothing with his life. I could sit for hours and procrastinate about that. I hate thinking as if what i have been given is not being put to good use.

"So how have you been feeling?" My friend asks me, i focus my attention on him, shrugging my shoulders. He was always the jokester in school, there to make all of us laugh. I worried so much about grades and exams. He was a good person to have around to help me loosen up.

He seems to be doing really good for himself. Working on getting his masters. Im proud of him.

Sometimes i wish i could be off doing things like that. I had always worked so hard to be able to get out of here and go to University. I wanted to get a good job and help support my mother, because at the time we were struggling a bit.

I don't like to be jealous of the things others have or the things they get to do. that only makes me feel worse about my own situation. And im happy with th life i have. Sure, it has its drawbacks, but what life doesn't?

He just seems so happy where he is. Im happy for him, but i can't help but want that.

I have a sense of happiness in things and people. Like my mother and the other important people in my life. But i don't have the overwhelming feeling of happiness within myself. Im happy when i think about them being happy. But nothing about myself can bring me even close to a smile.

I hate, hating myself. But that simple fact is going to change the way i think about myself. My thoughts have polluted my very being. Or maybe my thoughts are my very being... if so i suppose i was polluted all along.

"Taehyung you called me out of the blue.. are you not going to talk to me?" He asks. Dark locks of hair falling down in his eyes as he speaks. I let out a sigh of defeat.

"I guess i was just in the mood to reminisce." I answer. He nods a bit, sending me a pity smile. That seems to be the only kind of emotion i get from the people around me anymore. Pity.

I don't need that.

"I know im pretty fucked up but you don't have to look at me like im a kicked puppy. I can take care of myself. Don't pity me, please." I beg him.

Embarrassment is the feeling that shows on his face as he lets his eyes drop from me, looking down to the ground for a bit. Before managing to look up at me again this time trying his very best not to expose the pity he feels for me.

"Better, but not there yet." I say lightly. And he chuckles.

He reaches out and pats my shoulder. "Sorry man."