Paragon (6th Book of DT) Yaoi

29: Resign

This was reality. This was reality overflowing with ache. This was an ache coming from my first exposure to the fumes of loss. This was a loss coming from the death of someone dear to me. He was someone dear to me who did almost everything for my sake...

And this was a sacrifice in which I cannot accept.

"Gilmos...Gilmos!" I cried out. My body was tightly enveloped by the cold temperature from the horrifying image above me. It was an image that was shoved into my eyes which would forever be engraved into my memory.

I was...beyond terrified. Guilt and sorrow slowed down the time which was in contrast by my accelerating breaths. One of the first aecheans who showed such an admirable way of living had offered his head in exchange for mine when the tip of that sword should be buried in my head.

I should be the one who should possess those lifeless eyes.

I should be the one who should protect those around me because it was my responsibility.

But I continue to fail everyone.

I continue to show incompetence.

I continue to carry their burdens in a directionless path.

And it was making me restless. It was making me anxious. It was making me fear the future losses and the people who I'll potentially lose if I continue to be the way I was.

What was I doing wrong? I need someone to continue to guide me because I still have so many things to learn. I have just started to walk Gilmos-ssu. I still need to hold your hand in this unstable road. I still have no capabilities to be a savior in my own for you to abandon me like this. I still need you behind me in situations in which I need to look back at you if I was unsure of my actions. I still need you in front of me so that you may continue to show inspiration and light to my pathway.

Please do not leave me lost like this...

"Gilmos-ssu....Gilmos-ssu!" I screamed.

Seven yanked his sword from Gilmos' head and let his body fall on top of me. The weight that landed on my body was the weight of the sadness and grief pressing against me. I set aside the radiating pain in my abdomen and laid Gilmos beside me as I hyperventilate over his fresh corpse.

Why did you save me Gilmos?

Why did you give up your life for me?

The Paragons relied on you. The whole planet will be in chaos without you. They need you more than me yet you let me end up fighting against my tears. I want to cry for you just to show the whole world how we lost someone so valuable but then...you forbid me to do so.

"Starting from now on, I forbid you to cry. A Paragon should not compensate a brave sacrifice of a comrade with tears which won't even contribute to anything. Don't give him tears; offer him victory. Give tribute to him not with the sadness of loss but with the glory of taking back planet Aecha from its gruesome enemy."

"You're so cruel Gilmos-ssu...you're so cruel..." I shakily whispered.

You always demand the most impossible things yet I always end up obeying them because you know what was best for me.

I was still feeble. I can't fight on my own Gilmos-ssu but...

"I...will try."

I won't die without fighting. I won't die without dignifying his death.