Chapter 5: The First Time

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When I slept with Sandro the first time I didn't know it was him. Not really. He was going by Micah and had been my body guard for almost seven years. I hadn't planned on sleeping with him. I was trying to get him drunk so he'd pass out and I could go see Sergio. I hadn't seen him in weeks and they'd just got back from the city.
Sandro and I were alone in the house. My dad had gone to do more chemo. Sandro had one drink before he figured out what I was doing.
"Are you trying to get me drunk Ana?" He asked.
"No. I was just trying to be nice. I thought that maybe we could talk." I answered.
"We don't talk. That's your dad's rule." He said. "I think you're trying to get me drunk so you can take off."
"You've been my body guard since I was a child and I know nothing about you." I complained. "I just wanted to talk."
"You know more than you think." He answered.
"I think you remind me of someone I once loved." I said.
"I'm sure he loved you too."
"I miss him."
"Tell me about him."
"His name was Sandro. I wanted to runaway and marry him."
"Oh yeah." He smirked.
"He kissed me once. It was the best kiss I'd ever had in my life." I said. "Even up to this day that's true."
"That can't be true. You seemed pretty cozy with Dante before he left a couple weeks ago."
"No. Sandro was my first real kiss. He was important to me. I loved him and he loved me. He made me happy."
"You were a child. You couldn't have understood what real love and happiness was." He said.
"I may not have understood fully but I know how he made me feel. I know he cared about me in a was that was different than my dad did. I knew that he loved me as much as I loved him. He was my best friend. I was devastated when he died."
"I know. I remember you crying over him after I started working for your dad. You'd be happy and smiling, dancing around your room. I'd look away for a moment and by the time I looked back you'd be sitting on the floor sobbing."
We sat in silence for a moment as I tried to  hide the tears that were silently streaming down my face.
"Don't cry Ana." He said moving around the coffee table and sitting beside me.
"I don't want to talk about this anymore." I said burying my face in the couch pillow. "It hurts to remember him."
He lifted me on to his legs and wrapped me in his arms. I cried in to the pillow while he held me and rubbed my back. He held me shushing me for a few minutes with his lips pressed to my forehead before he started humming "And I Love Her" by the Beatles the way that Sandro would when I'd cry. His humming only made me cry harder.

"Per favore, orsetto. Il tuo pianto mi sta spezzando il cuore." He said, his voice cracking as he spoke. (Please baby bear. Your crying is breaking my heart.)

That's what did it. Hearing him hum the same song and call me the nickname only my Sandro called me. I looked up at him and pressed my lips to his. He didn't push me back or try to resist. I hadn't ever proved he was Sandro but I had, had my suspicions up to this point. When Micah kissed me back the way Sandro had on the night he was taken from me, that's what confirmed it in my mind. Suddenly everything fit. Micah was my Sandro, but I'd never say anything. As the kiss got deeper I put my hands on his face. I felt the tears on his cheeks. This was my Sandro breaking beneath me. I set the pillow on the floor before I took his hand from my thigh and pushed it under my shirt.
"I want you Micah." I said between kisses.
He turned out from under me and moved to lay between my legs, our lips never parting. He sat up and took his shirt off. I took mine off at the same time. He lingered for a moment staring down at me.
"You are really hot." I said almost embarrassed but definitely aroused.
"So are you Ann."
Then he kissed me again. I took off his belt and pushed my hand in his pants. He grabbed my wrist and pulled away from my lips.
"Are you sure you want this?" He asked.
"I want you to make love to me Micah."
He kissed me again. Then he sat up and took my shorts and panties off. He climbed back over me and pushed his jeans and underwater down letting his erection free.
"Ready?" He asked kneeling between my legs with his hand on my hip.
I nodded at him while my eyes raped his body.
I watched him push in slowly. I pushed my hips up to take him. I grabbed his wrist as he pushed deeper.
"Woah." I said wincing.
"Do you want me to stop?" He asked.
"No, keep going. It'll be okay. I'm not use to this." I said breathing heavy.
"If I hurt you or you need me to stop you tell me okay?"
"Okay. Keep going. I'm okay."
I watched him push in and pull out several times before he worked up a rhythm and brought me my first orgasm. I tightened my grasp on his wrist and moaned.
"Are you coming baby?" He asked.
"Yes. Yes. I'm coming. Oh Micah." I moaned.
I arched my back enjoying the sensation and held his arms as he kept his steady rhythm. My first orgasm was followed directly by my second.
"Oh fuck. Sandro." I said.
"What?" He asked stopping. "What did you call me?"
"I'm sorry. My mind was somewhere else. I won't do it again." I say.
"Did you call me Sandro?"
"Yes, I'm sorry." I say sitting up slightly. "Did I ruin it? Are we done?"
"No, not unless your ready to stop."
"Can we try something different?" I ask.
"What do you want baby?" He asked.
"Take your jeans off and sit back." I say.
He obeyed and I straddle his legs.
"Can we take this off?" I say tapping on the ceramic mask on his face.
He sighs before carefully removing it and tossing it on the coffee table.
"Can we take this off?" He asks pulling on my bra.
I nod and he unhooks it. Slow the straps fall down my arms and I let my bra fall to the floor.
"God you're beautiful." He said.
"Your not to bad yourself." I said biting my lip and leaning back in to kiss him.
As I kissed him I let my hands slide down his body. His heart pounding hard under my fingers as I put him back inside me.
I started moving slowly, my hand still on his heart.
"Ow." I said shifting wrong.
"Here, let me help." He said.
He lifted me and shifted underneath me. Then he moved under me thrusting in and out. I buried my face in his neck and ground my hips in to his. Before long the only sound was our skin slapping together and heavy breathing. I was almost to a point of another orgasm when he couldn't hold on any longer.
"Orsetto I'm going to come. We have to stop." He said halting his own motion.
"I'm almost done." I said bouncing on top of him.
"Fuck, Orsetto. Stop."
Then it was to late. I orgasmed and my muscles tightened hard over him.
"Sandro!" I squealed burying myself against him and continuing to grind my hips on his.
He came hard inside of me making my orgasm that much better.
I held tight to him as my body milked his. When it ended I sat over him unmoving and wrapped in his arms and began to cry.
"Orsetto what's wrong?" He asked concerned. "Did I hurt you?"
"No."
"Did you decide this was a bad idea?"
"No. It was amazing." I said through my tears.
"Then what's wrong?"
"You did it again." I sobbed.
"What?"
"Called me by his nickname. Your say you're not him but you know things that only he would know and I don't understand how. You have the same scars he had. You sing the same songs. You were shot in the same place he was. How can there be so many similarities if you're not him?"
"I don't know Ana. I don't know what to say to you. I can't explain it."
"Tell me the truth. Your Sandro. You kissed me the same way that he did. The only way you'd know how he kissed me is if you were there the first time."
"Baby I can't explain anything to you. I don't know what to say."
"Please just tell me the truth?" I sob.
"I can't Orsetto. I can't."
He held me while I sobbed, both of us naked on the couch and crushed together. I'm not sure when it happened but at some point I fell asleep in his arms.
When I woke up it was morning and I wasn't home. I was at the Benedetti's. I was clean and changed. I woke up in Adriano's room. He was laying behind me with his arms wrapped around my waist. That was the week before he turn seventeen. That's where my relationship with Adriano began. He was my rebound from Dante and Sandro. I didn't expect it to last. I was just trying to distract myself from the hurt Sandro had caused me.

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