Love of my life

Chapter 44

Reader discretion advised- This chapter may cause distress and trigger you read at your own risk.

Andy's POV

 We are all currently sat in the Rarvey room because it has the projector in it. I am sat with Rye cuddling up next to him, Jacklyn is cuddling together and Mikey and Libby are cuddling into each other. Got to admit Mibby (Libby and Mikey, a friend came up with it) are both adorable. 

"So, what do you guys want to watch then?" Rye asked all of us. 

"I don't mind" I said and we all nodded in agreement.

"Do you guys want to watch the Titanic?" He asked us all.

"Sure" Mikey said.

"Okay" Libby replied. 

"Yeah" answered Jack.

"Okay" Brook replied. 

Rye put the film in and started to play it. It's about halfway through the film and it's really good. All of a sudden I hear kissing noises and I look up at Rye and he knows what I'm thinking. I can tell he can hear it too. We both turn around to see Mikey and Libby making out. 

"YASSSSSS GOWAN GET SOME MIKE" Rye shouted which made everyone look at him and Libby. 

"Oh shut up" Mikey said after pulling away from Libby. Libby blushed and buried her head into the crook of Mikey's neck.

"I'm just so happy that it finally happened"  I said smiling at them both.

"Me too" Rye said giggling.

"Same" Mikey said smiling down at Libby who nodded.

"Mibby!" Jack screamed.

"What's Mibby?" Asked Brook.

"Mikey, Libby, Mibby" Jack replied.

"Oh right" Brook said as we all laughed.

We carried on watching the film and before we knew it, the film ended and all of us was crying even though we've all watched this film before. 

"Where such baby's" Libby giggled a little through her crying.

"Agreed" said Mikey as we all laughed a little through our crying.

Eventually, by eventually I mean 30 minutes later, we all stopped crying and were really tired.

"Everyone of to bed" Rye said.

"Okay" They all replied while standing up and walking out with there roommate.

Rye got up and I groaned. 

"I'm only turning of the projecter and the laptop and I'll be back and we can cuddle and sleep" he replied while smirking at me. 

"Yayyy"

Rye finished putting the stuff away and stripped down to his boxers and jumped back into bed with me straight away. I cuddled into him and right before Rye dozed of he spoke. 

"I love you, Andrew Rober Fowler" 

"I love you too Ryan Leonard Beaumont" I said as we both dozed off.

~Time skip to 2 in the morning~

I wake up. Sweating. Out of breath. After having a bad dream. Ughhh I hate having bad dreams. They can mess me up pretty badly. 

I try to go back to sleep, but my thoughts are devouring me. And I have my mind on one thing and one thing only. I try distracting myself by cuddling into Rye and think about my happy moments with him, But it's not working. I know there's the only way to resolve this. To do what my brain is telling me to do. 

So, I get up as quiet and as stealthy as I can, while trying not to wake up Rye. I get off the bed successfully without waking up Rye. I walk to the bathroom and shut the door behind me. 

I sit down on the floor and get my blade out from my phone case. I sit there for about 10 minutes trying to resist it. I keep trying and trying, but I can't, I just can't. I eventually grab the blade from the floor next to me and pull up my sleeve. 

I start cutting at my skin. Deep. All I keep thinking is that I'm always useless. I'm fat. No one loves me. No one likes me. The Roadies hate me. I'm a disappointment. I am a mistake!

Eventually, there is blood all over my arm and there is quite a bit on the floor. I'm surprised that I am not actually dead. I drop the blade on the floor and start crying my eyes out. I can't control these tears anymore. They won't stop. 

All of a sudden the bathroom door opens. Shit. I forgot to lock it. Again. I look up and I see Libby. Her face looks like she hates me. I'm crying even more now. 

Out of nowhere, she closes the door. Locks it. smart. She comes over to me and takes my blade out of my reach and grabs toilet paper and starts wiping my arm. She hasn't said anything to me since she walked in and I'm kind of scared what she's going to say.

She wipes all the blood off of my arm and the floor then bandages up my arm. I know she is going to ask questions now.  She sits down in front of me. She sighs.

"Andy?" She say's. I look up at her and nod for her to carry on.

"Why are you doing this to yourself? You're putting yourself in danger when you do this"

"I don't want to talk about it" I say looking at her in the eyes. 

"OKay, I accept it" She replies and that's when I break. 

I start balling my eyes out having a breakdown. She pulls me into a hug and she let's me cry into her shoulder while she hugs me. To be honest I really need a cuddle. I sit there for the next 10 minutes crying my eyes out.]

After 20 minutes I finally calm down and she pulls away from the hug. She sits up straight and so do I.

"When did you start?" she asks me. 

"I've been doing this since I was a teenager and I haven't been able to stop. Every time something bad happens, this is all I can think about doing. I try to stop myself as much every time, but it just doesn't work and I end up doing it" I sigh.

"I know you are trying to stop Andy. You really need to try and stop now. From what I just saw it's getting worser and one day you could loose to much blood and end up killing yourself. Please try and stop. For the sake of the boys. Gor the sake of your family and for the sake of me. I've only known you for a couple of hours, but ypur still my best friend and I care about. Please Andy" She begs.

Wow. I didn't think that I could care this much to someone. I am so surprised right now. 

"Okay I'll try"

"Good. At least you'll try. Try your hardest" She says.

"Okay I will"

"It's getting late. You sjould get some sleep night Andy" She says while walking out. 

I stand up and put the blade back into my phone case. I walk back into the Rarvey room and go back to bed.

A/N

Hope you guys enjoy it. 

I need your guys' help. I need a name for my fandom. Give me your guys' ideas, please.

I love you guys (Yes this includes you Mel)

-Shakira