It's Complicated (Shawn Mendes Fanfic)

Chapter Six

I jolted out of my bed as I gasped for air. Serenity, its okay. It’s just a nightmare. I breathed heavily as memories came back to me, and I shivered at the thought, my voice hoarse from all the screaming I presume.The light switch of my lamp turns on to reveal my worried mother. 

“Honey are you alright? I heard you screaming.” she asked me, sitting on the edge of the bed. I grab the cup of water on the nightstand and take a sip to ease my sore throat.

I didn’t reply, mainly because I didn’t know how to. I'm definitely not okay. I thought I could finally forget about him, for a while the nightmares had disappeared, never to be missed. I guess the guy who tried to rape me in the alley triggered those memories that I thought were buried deep and forgotten.

“Are the nightmares back again?” she asked softly, worry laced in her voice. I think I lost my voice, because no sound came out when I tried to talk. I simply nodded, hoping she could see me with the dull light shining from the lamp.

"Oh honey, I wish there was something I could do.." she says, mostly speaking to herself. Me too. 

"Mom it's okay, I'll be fine, you should get some rest, you still have to go to work today," I remind her, my voice small and broken. She nodded and hesitantly left, leaving me alone.

I try to close my eyes, but those cold, icy blue eyes haunt me, and I couldn't close them again. Forget it, I'm not getting any sleep today.

I lay with my eyes open, holding closely Shawn's-now my-jacket, trying to distract myself. I eventually stopped being lazy and got off the bed, not knowing what to do. It’s 3 pm, who on earth would be awake right now?

I remembered something, and quickly rushed to my desk. I rummaged through the paper and other things on it. “Where is it?!” I whisper-yelled to myself, trying not to wake my mom up.

When my eyes caught sight of it, my breathing hitched. I haven’t thought of him for so long.. I feel guilty.. I held the picture in my hand as I stared into it, completely lost in his happy green eyes. He was smiling, his dimples clearly showing, and he looked so happy. Suddenly, I did something that I haven’t done in years. I cried to him.

“Kay...I-I miss you so much, I wish you were here. Everything’s gone wrong without you, everything’s been wrong since you left me, why did you have to leave me?!” I say sobbing to him, not being able to control myself anymore.

“He’s back to haunt me again Kay, I don’t know what to do anymore.. I feel lost without you,” I say, staring into those green eyes, wishing he was here, to hear me, to help me. 

“You left me all alone Kay..” I whisper, my voice sounding strangled because of my sobs. “Why?! You didn’t even say goodbye?!” I shouted at the picture, not even caring if I woke anyone up anymore. 

This picture...is the only reminisce I have of him left. Why did he have to move away? Why did he have to leave me? I don't even know where he is right now, he could be dead for all I know. The only person who was ever there for me left me. I hadn’t thought about him for a while, I acted as if he never even existed in my life.

I’m a horrible person. But he is too, he left me. Stop it Serenity, he probably had his reasons, it’s not his fault, we were only in 10th grade! 

“I’m sorry Kay.. I’m so sorry..” I whisper to the picture softly, as a tear drops onto the picture. Nonono- I quickly wipe it away, but the tear mark was still noticeable.

I stay sitting on the floor, my thoughts consuming me. Does he even remember me after all this time? It’s been 3 years without him. Does he regret leaving? Maybe it wasn’t his choice Serenity.. I wish he was here. He would tell me everything was alright, he would listen to me and he would cuddle with me until I fell asleep. He was my best friend. Was. Now I have no one. 

No one to cry to (besides my mom), no one to complain to about my struggles and pain, someone my age at least. I feel so lost and alone, and now that the nightmares are back, it’s even harder to breathe. Harder to live. 

I woke up with a congested nose and sore throat. Great, I’m sick, just what I need. How did I even manage to go to sleep last night? I didn’t even have any nightmares either. Weird. Well, I’m thankful I got some rest, even if it was- I check the clock- 5 hours. 

I go downstairs to find that my mom had already left for work. I’m all alone, again. I wasn’t really hungry, so I went back to my room and sat on my desk with a paper and paints in hand, setting to work. I had painted Kay so many times, each time better than the last. It was as if I memorized every feature on his face, remembering every detail. I had painted him countless times before.

I felt a sudden urge to draw someone I barely knew and wasn’t even that close to at the time. He was someone who had recently entered my life, and I don’t even know if I trusted him yet. I don’t know why, but I started to paint Shawn. He saved me. Once. 

Hours passed by as I drew and painted him, erasing every which way to capture his beauty, remembering the first time I saw him. I let out a satisfied sigh as I stared at the artwork, putting my paintbrush down. 

I think I might have messed up on the neck a little, because that throat looks awfully big… Unfortunately I didn’t have any pictures of him to use as a reference, this was just based off of memory.

Also the front of his hair was slightly discolored, but I think it looks kinda cool that way. I should probably let this painting dry.

I had a little hanging line with clothespins where I hung up my artwork. I had only ever drawn Kay and my mother. I only do artwork of people closest to me.

I don't know why I felt the urge to draw Shawn, we aren't even that close. Sure. You rested on his chest and cried, and he hugged you. Pfft- not close. 

I ignored those inner thoughts and feelings inside of me when my phone chimes with a message. My face lit up when I realized it had to be Shawn. 

Shawn: Hellooo
Whatcha doing?
Serenity: Nothing much
Just sitting
You?
Shawn: What a coincidence
I'm sitting too!
Serenity: Lol
What's up?
Shawn: What?
Do I really need a reason to text you?
Serenity: Yes actually
I'm a very busy woman
Shawn: Mhmm I bet you are
Are you busy right now?
Serenity: Well um no
Not at the moment..
Shawn: So we can hang out
Serenity: I mean..
If you really want to
I guess
Shawn: Okay I'll pick you up in 10
No excuses
Serenity: But..
Oh alright fine

I look down at what I'm wearing. Pajamas. Ugh now I gotta change! Shawn better be taking me to a place with food. That's the only thing that could make this worthwhile.

I take a second to look back at the painting. He is such a nice person, so sweet and funny and kind..but..I don't trust him enough as he deserves. He saved me, but I don't know. I think I need to know more about him in order to trust him. I barely know anything at all. 

I put on a decent pair of black jeans and a cropped hoodie, letting my short chestnut hair flow loosely because I don't have time to deal with that. Shawn texted me that he was outside, and since I had no clue where we are going, I just put on a pair of short booties, grabbed my phone, and went downstairs.