It's Complicated (Shawn Mendes Fanfic)

Chapter Twenty-One

I double checked to see if the front door was locked before I went to the living room. I've always had a thing with locks. Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night to check if the front door was locked or not. I also used to lock my bedroom. 

Recently I've stopped doing those things. I've felt somewhat safer here in San Diego I don't think it will stay like that for long though....

"Um..let's get straight to the point. Did you really mean what you told me today?" I asked him wearily. Please say no.

"I meant it with all my heart. I love you Serenity." Kayden admitted with a shaky smile on his face.

"I'm sorry Kayden..Im not sure how I feel at the moment. I loved you so much, but then you left..and I just don't know yet," I say wincing. I didn't know how to let it down easy. I didn't even call him by his nickname that he loved. His shaky smile dropped and I looked into his eyes.

All they held was sadness, and I felt guilty and turned away, not meeting his gaze. I instead busied myself by staring at the carpet in the living room.

"I..I understand," Kayden said with a tone I couldn't quite recognize as he stood up and turned to leave. I grabbed his wrist and Kayden's body turned rigid at the contact. He turned to face me, waiting.

"I'm sorry Kay, I really am, but I'll give you the answer when I know" I say genuinely, and he nods. "I know, it's not your fault. Just, don't let this break our friendship apart, okay?" Kayden spoke, a slight urgency in his voice and I nodded. I love our friendship too much and I wouldn't risk anything to lose it.

"Of course," I replied as I let go of his arm. His other hand traced the area where I had held him and walked up the stairs. He suddenly stopped and walked back down to tell me something.

"Oh by the way. I think I found an apartment. I was uh wondering if you could come with me tomorrow for the tour?" He asked hopefully and I grinned widely at him.

"I definitely will, that's awesome!" I replied and he laughed at my childish manner. I walked back to my room, brushed my teeth and went to bed. I decided to take the sleeping pills so I wouldn't bother Kay again. I can feel my eyelids getting heavy and I close my eyes.

I wake up, thankfully with no nightmares from the previous night. I'm positive it's the pills. Although I do feel a slight drowsiness, which was a side effect.

"Good morning Mom, good morning Kay," I say as I walk down the stairs. Today was Saturday, thankfully no college today and tomorrow. The recent toll of events has got me shook, I don't know if I can handle any more.

I'm still thinking about what happened in the hospital between me and Shawn. We kissed, I can't even believe it. Ever since then, I've been yearning to feel his lips on mine again. 

I don't even know what we are, we didn't really talk about what had happened. I'm afraid that he will just dismiss it and we will go back to being just friends.

I don't want to do that though. I really like him, but I feel like I'm just too much baggage to deal with. I'm seriously conflicted with myself.

"We should get ready," Kay tells me and I furrowed my eyebrows. "For what?" I asked him, completely forgetting about what we had said yesterday.

"The tour of an apartment," Kay reminded me and I remembered. "Oh right, sorry, I completely forgot. When's the tour?" I ask him, ready to calculate how much time I have to get ready.

"11:30," he replied, and I nodded. It was 10:13 am right now, so approximately 30 minutes to get ready. 

"Okay I'll see you in 30 minutes, " I smile as I grab an apple and head back to my room. I wasn't particularly hungry, and I didn't feel like burdening my mom today.

I went upstairs, ate the apple, and picked out my outfit. I then took a warm shower and changed into my clothes. I met Kayden downstairs, said goodbye to my mother and walked out of the house.

Kayden put the GPS on his phone and we walked to the apartment. Fortunately it wasn't even that far away from my house, so we could visit when we liked. 

"I should start looking for cars after this," Kay told me, "But first I have to get a driver's license." I'm excited for him! "You'll have to take me on it once you can drive," I tell him and he nods, "Of course, you're on top of my list," and I laugh at him.

The apartment was very nice, not too shabby and didn't look like it was straight off of a magazine. It felt right for Kayden, it seemed perfect for him.

The tour guide was really kind and helpful, and he seemed to be around our age. "So, what do you think?" he asked Kayden, who looked over at me, as if silently asking if he should take the apartment.

Robert, the guide, seemed to notice this as he said, "You've got a lovely girl," he says, smiling. I was about to interrupt and tell Robert that I wasn't 'his girl,' but Kayden did something else. He slipped his arm around my waist as he smiled back at the guide, "Thank you. We'll take the apartment," Kayden said, dismissing Robert as he went to retrieve the files.

"What was that for," I whispered as I removed his hand from my waist. "Sorry, it was just better to think that we are together so he won't flirt with you," Kayden admits, biting his lip. 

I could tell it was bothering him, but for him, this small gesture had come naturally, whereas I was not yet comfortable with it. "Kayden you had no right to do that," I tell him, trying to be a little kinder with my words, and he nodded. "I know, I'm sorry," he says looking back at me. 

There was only sincerity in those crystal green eyes and I smiled back at him, "Its fine. You're getting the apartment right! I'm so excited for you!!" I say, swiftly switching the topic before it got too touchy for my liking.

"Yeah, it's really nice. Thanks for coming with me today, it really means a lot," he says as he stares into my bluish-gray eyes with such intensity that I looked away as I heard a throat being cleared. 

"Here are the documents, your apartment will be ready in a few days," Robert says before flashing a smile solely in my direction. I squirmed a little and forced myself to send a polite smile back at him.

"Okay thank you, I'll see you then," Kayden dismissed him as he grabbed my hand and led me out. We walked together back to my apartment as we chatted.

"What do you think about Shawn?" I asked Kayden. I could feel a little bit of tension in the hospital the other day, and I just wanted to make sure. 

"He's..a great guy I guess, I can't really say much since I don't really know him much," Kayden admitted and I smiled. "He's a really great guy," I say thoughtfully, and Kay's grip on me tightens ever so slightly.

"Oh..um.. there's this party tomorrow and I was wondering if you could come with me. You could invite Scarlett and Shawn too," Kayden suggests and I think it over.

Parties really aren't my thing, something always goes wrong in them, but I mean, I could go. Besides, it's my birthday on Tuesday, I should loosen up a little.

"Okay, I'll ask them," I say and he grins widely at me. His infectious smile made its way onto my face as well.