It's Complicated (Shawn Mendes Fanfic)

Chapter Seven

I locked the house and walked over to Shawn's black car."Hey," he greets me, quickly looking me up and down before meeting my gaze. I open the front door and hopped in, asking him where we were going.

"You'll see," he told me, a signature smirk plastered on his pretty face. We sat in comfortable silence, but I often shifted under his gaze. He didn't say anything to me though. Until now.

"Hey are you okay?" He asks me out of the blue. What? How did he notice? Why did he care? "I'm good, just a little sick, why do you ask?" I ask him. He smiled, but I could tell you didn't believe me completely, "You just don't seem like yourself. Have you had enough sleep?" He asks concerningly.

How would he know? He barely even knows me, it's been like 5 days since we met. Then why did you draw him. I don't know okay?! I don't know anything..

"No," I confess, "I've been having nightmares," my voice sounding raw and unsteady. I don't know why I'm suddenly telling him about this. You trust him Serenity. How can you be so blind? I shook those thoughts away as I waited upon his reaction.

His eyes visibly softened, and though he was driving, he still glanced over to me. His knuckles clenched tightly around the steering wheel, as if from..anger? "About..yesterday?" He says, swallowing a big lump in his throat, sounding uneasy.

I nodded, but when I realized his eyes were fixed on the road, I forced the words to come out, "Yeah.."

It was a lie, my nightmares weren't about yesterday at all, but about someone else who entered my life a long time ago, who I hope I never meet again. But he wouldn't and couldn't know that.

I ft the car finally stop, and looking around me. "Where are we?" He got out of the car, and I did the same. "Well, I was going to take you out to eat, but you weren't yourself so I thought this would help," he says, offering me a light smile.

He-he, wow. I smiled at him gratefully, "Thank you Shawn," and we walked together. I looked around me, it was beautiful. It was a calm and collected forest, but all the chatter of nature made me smile, it was an absolutely breathtaking sight.

He led me near a river, and patted on the rock next to him, while he sat on one himself. I sat next to him, our bodies facing the serene river.

"You don't have to tell me anything, just know I'm your friend, I'm here to help," he says, turning his face towards me. Feeling his gaze, I looked into his eyes, which held nothing but sincerity and concern, and still that something else I haven't quite deciphered yet.

I studied his face carefully, and realized that in my painting, I forgot something- a small scar on his right cheek- barely noticeable but there.

I tore my eyes away from his face and stared back at the river, my heart beating rapidly. Realizing I haven't replied to him, I spoke, "I know Shawn, and thank you."

We sat in silence, both of us staring at the calm nature around us. "I-I lied to you.." I say, getting his attention. "I did have my first kiss..but.." I trailed as I remembered the moment.

~Instant Flashback~

He placed his hand over mine, and my body tingles from just his touch. He looked at me, and I found myself getting lost in those green eyes that held so much emotion. I stare at those beautiful longing eyes of his, making me feel emotional. I felt myself grow emotional & grew uneasy.

"Kay.." I whispered softly, and he leaned in slowly, almost asking for permission. My breathing quickened at his close proximity, messing with the wires in my brain.

I crashed my lips against his lips, which were so soft. His kiss was passionate, filled with such intensity and lust. I felt myself getting lost in it, not worrying about anything around me.

I pulled him closer, holding the back of his neck with my left hand and gripping his hair with my right, leaving no space in between us.

I've dreamed of this moment for years, but dreaming was nothing like how it actually felt. We finally pulled away, and I immediately missed the feeling of his lips on mine.

"I'm sorry I-" he says, fumbling on his words, but I cut him off, crashing my lips onto his once more. His touch was intoxicating, his kiss mesmerizing, and I never wanted to pull away.

~End of flashback~

"Hey..it's okay," he says calmly, placing his hand over mine in attempt to comfort me. It was just like what had happened with Kay..No- I yanked my hand away from his, and I swear I saw hurt flash through his eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it came.

"I'm fine," I say curtly. Why am I pushing him away? When all he wants to do is help? I wanted a friend, but now when I have one, I want him gone?

You're afraid Serenity. You're afraid to trust, you're afraid to open up, but most of all, you're afraid to love again.

I let out a huge sigh, "I'm sorry, I'm just not feeling well." Without warning, he leaned over and placed the back of his large hand over my forehead. I saw the flash of ink on his hand. A tattoo?

"Well, you seem hot," he says."Seem? I am," I say with a smirk, and he chuckles. "There's the Serenity I know," he says smiling at me. He didn't deny it..

Before he pulled away, I gently grabbed his hand, inspecting the tattoo. It was beautiful and delicate, it was a bird of some sort. I traced the ink with my finger, silently asking about the tattoo.

"It's a sparrow.. Sailors used to get this tattoo to show that they would find their way home. The sparrow, which is the national bird in Canada, is one of those birds who no matter how far it goes, returns to its home. No matter how far away I am from home, I will always go back.." he explains to me.

Wow that's- "That's beautiful Shawn.." I say, letting go of his hand, and he rested his hand back on his lap.

"Do you have more? Tattoos I mean?" I asked curiously. I have a tattoo. It's on my arm, but Shawn hasn't really seen it because I usually wear long sleeves.

"I do, but I'll show you one every time we meet, until we run out," he says mysteriously. "That many?" I ask and he just smiles slyly. He's wearing long sleeves too, maybe he has one on his arm like me.

It was of a small beech tree, half of the leaves had one, but it looked like all the leaves were all birds because they were flying away. It represents partial loss. Half of me was gone when Kay left. Half of me is still here. I'm trying to stay strong, but it's hard. A tree is supposed to be strong.

"It's breathtaking..what does it mean?" He asks hesitantly. I cant te him yet, I'm not ready. I don't know when I'll ever be ready enough.

"I-I'll can't tell you yet.. please understand.." I tell him, looking up from my tattoo and into his chocolate brown eyes. His eyes held understanding and..sadness? "I understand," he tells me, smiling a little, but it was a sad smile.

I want to tell him, I won't tell him all of it, just some of it. Before he turned away, I spoke again, "It was like half of me left with him.." tracing the bare part of the tree.

"A tree represents strength, knowledge, wisdom, growth, protection, forgiveness, and salvation. Everything i'm not. Half of the tree has bare branches and is dead, and the other half is a lively tree full of life and flowers. He took away a part of me when he left..The birds flying away is a symbol that there is life after death. That even when he's gone, he could still be here. It doesn't really make sense but.." I explain. I told him everything. Why? You trust him Serenity. Do I?

"No I get it perfectly. It has such a deep meaning, it's truly beautiful Serenity," he says to me. "I'm sorry if this is a bit personal, but this person..did he pass away?" Shawn asks cautiously, hoping he wouldn't strike a nerve. 

"No..I mean.. I don't know.. he moved away.." I tell him, not wanting to talk about him anymore. Shawn stares at me for a while longer, and I stare deep into his eyes. He's trying to figure me out.

"You are truly a mystery, Serenity Falls. I intend to figure you out," he says, a sly grin on his face. I smile back at him, "You can try.." I say, his infectious smile made its way onto my face.