It's Complicated (Shawn Mendes Fanfic)

Chapter Thirty-five

(Happy new year everybody!)

I need to think. I don’t know what the hell i’ve done. I hop into the Uber and make my way to the beach. I’m aware it’s night time but I need some peace to think about everything. The Uber driver turned on the radio and this song came on:

Come here and sit next to me
Don't look at me while I'm breaking
After what I'm gonna say
I understand if you hate me

What do I do when I love you and want somebody else?
What do I lose if I don't choose and keep it to myself?

I got bad, bad, bad kind of butterflies
Like when you got something to hide
Lies, tellin' you that I'm alright
Tonight, tonight
Bad, bad butterflies in my chest
There's something I gotta confess
Yes, somebody's stuck in my head
And I, and I

I know I said we were friends
And when I said that, I meant it (Swear I meant it)
Somewhere between now and then
It became more than just a friendship (Mm)

What do I do when I love you and want somebody else?
What do I lose if I don't choose and keep it to myself?

Oh come on?? Every single line in this song literally relates to my problem and isn’t helping me at all. “Could you please turn that off,” I ask and he does as told. I’m lost and confused. What I did I just do? 

I sit on the sand and stare out. The sound of the waves crashing into the rocks was peaceful and I just sat there for a while, staring.

It was wrong to have Shawn stuck in the back of my mind when dating Kayden. I should never have led Kay on if I didn’t like him. I’m such a horrible person.

Tears spring out of my eyes and I don't bother wiping them away. The wet moisture drips down my face as I stare at the almost-still water. I think about how heartbroken Kay was when I had told him, how Shawn's voice broke as he cried to me. How I'm the cause of both of their misery.

It's pathetic how none of us get a happy ending either. Sure, I have a tiny bit of hope for Shawn and I, but I don't know. Moving on so fast is just wrong to Kayden. He's already dealing with a lot. 

Shawn doesn't even want to date me. I mean, why would he? Just look at me, im a filthy disgrace. 

I take deep breaths, wiping the tears from my face. I get up and attempt to dust off the sand.

Okay. I can do this. No drama. No tears. I need to relax and not overthink everything. It's going to be fine. Everything is going to be fine. I'm going to have a great time. To see Drake!! It's a dream come true. Live the dream Serenity. Cherish every moment.

"How long is the flight again?" I ask Shawn as I drag my suitcase to him as he puts it in the car. "It's 5 hours so we are going to go to the hotel first and relax for a bit because the concert starts at 7 pm. Does that sound good?" he asks, closing the trunk of his SUV. 

"Yeah, perfect," I agree as I hop into the front seat. "You have two cars?" I ask, kind of confused. He used to drive a black Toyota I thought?? "Uh yeah, this one is only for trips because it has a big trunk," he shrugs. Damn. He rich rich. 

"Soooo…" he says, attempting to start a conversation, "Are you excited?" YESSSS! "I'm so excited, I can't believe I'm actually going to see him perform!!!" I squeal out of delight. He laughed, "You like him that much?" And I nod even though he can't see me as he's driving.

We reach the airport and Shawn talks to a man wearing a suit, Shawn giving him his car keys. Um okay?? Maybe he paid for valet parking. Oh well.

The flight passed by quick, as Shawn spent time listening to music while I took a nap and watched a movie. 

"No way Shawn. You didn't." I try to convince myself as I stare with my suitcase in hand. "Yes I did. Come on, let's check in," he sends a knowing smirk. This hotel is jaw dropping. This was by all means unnecessary but its incredible! The marble floor inside with the glass windows and chandelier in the lobby..just wow.

"I want to be there at 5 since it starts at 7 pm. The line is going to be huge. "Lets just go at 6:30" he encourages. But then I'll be late!! "But-" he placed his index finger on my lips, silencing me. "No buts. Just trust me okay?" He speaks and I nod wordlessly. He removes his finger awkwardly. Okay. I trust him. 

"Oh." We both just stare at the bed, unsure of what to do. I play with the hem of my skirt. "Uh..I booked this when I didn't know you had a boyfriend..I can ask for another room if you want?" He asks kindly, biting his lip out of nervousness. I shake my head. "Its fine."

"We broke up," I blurted out to him. He abruptly stops grabbing the remote. I just felt the need to tell him. "Are you okay? You seemed like you really liked him." He asks. I look at the carpet floor, hands in my pockets, "Yeah…" I don't really want to talk about it, especially not with him..

He lies down on the right side of the king bed and I lie down next to him, placing my head on his stomach. His stomach was rock hard, but the dips made it comfortable for me. I stare at the ceiling while Shawn stroked my hair in a peaceful silence. 

Shawn's chest heaved up and down from his even breathing. It was relaxing.

"I broke up with him...because I lo- like someone else. But I don't know if he wants me," I confess, my words breathy. He stops midway of twirling my hair.

"He would be a fool to not want you," Shawn says reassuringly. If only you knew it was you.