It's Complicated (Shawn Mendes Fanfic)

Chapter Twenty-six

(Guys im so sorry I didn't realize I put the same chapter twice, that was really dumb of me!! Well here it is, enjoy :)   )

"I promise its not what it looked like Shawn," I said. I don't even know why I was explaining this to him, I just felt like he needed to know in a way. It doesn't even make sense.

"I was drunk Shawn, some stuff is still fuzzy to me. Me and Kayden- to be honest, I don't even remember what happened. I had a lot going on that night and I was trying to have a good time and relax. Kayden was only staying at my house a few days till he moved into his apartment. I swear!" I rushed the words out as fast as possible, afraid I'll lose Shawn in the process. 

I can't say his choice doesn't affect me, because it does. I like him, a lot. I don't want to lose him. But i've never actually asked what he's wanted. What doe she want?

His eyes bore into mine, and he half-smiles. "I get it. It's hard not to break under pressure," he says understandingly. Immediately I felt as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I take a step forward, the space between us decreasing.

"So you're not mad at me?" I ask timidly, gazing into the perfect face in front of me. This moment feels as if im part of a rom com or something.

His voice is tender and pulls at my heartstrings. He leans closer, his mouth hovering on the sensitive spot between my ear and side of my neck. "I could never be mad at you," he whispers, his breath sending a tingling sensation all throughout my body.

I caved into him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and his hot breath trailed its way to my mouth. I placed my lips on his, a sense of euphoria washing over me. I let myself get lost in this moment, this happiness I haven't felt in a long time.

I pulled away, breathing heavily. I stare into those chocolate brown eyes that I find myself getting drawn into day after day. It's like an ocean of emotions, and i'm drowning in them. Im drowning in him, and I don't want to be saved.

"I'm sorry I said those things to you. I swear I didn't mean them. Sorry I ever doubted you," he says, breaking me out of my deep thought. I smile softly, "I wouldn't blame you." 

It's been so fast. It's only been weeks, but it feels like forever since we've known each other. We are so open and vulnerable. I want to be more than just friends.

"Are we still friends?" He asks bashfully. I debate my options. I decide to go bold. I need to hear from him too. What does he want? What does he need? "I don't know, what do you want us to be?" I ask.

Silence. For too long. Until he finally speaks up. "It doesn't matter what I want because I can't get it anyway," he speaks tenderly, his voice breaking a little. I haven't seen him this vulnerable.

"That's not true. We can-" I pause mid sentence as I see a tear roll down his cheek. It shone like liquid mercury under a black light. I stroke it away with my thumb.

"What's wrong?" I ask him softly. It seemed like seconds ago we were kissing passionately, embracing each others warmth. Now I feel farther apart from him than ever. Shawn doesn't reply. Instead me rests his head slowly on my shoulder. I run my fingers through his hair, waiting for a reply. When it doesn't come, I ask again.

He answers softly, his voice cracking. My heart broke just seeming him and hearing him like this, not telling me what was wrong. "Im sorry Serenity. I'm sorry," he kept saying, over and over again. I let out a small sob as I stroke his face. "Please, i'm sorry I can't tell you. I wish I could," Shawn pleads with me. 

"Shh.. it's okay, I understand," I say soothingly, hugging him. I held him for what seemed like forever until I pulled away.

"Hey sorry, I have to go.. I'll see you later?" I ask, hopeful. His glossy eyes shone in the light, full of unspoken emotions. The way he was looking at me made me want to kiss him all over again. 

He nodded and smiled at me, "Okay. Bye!" And with one last wave I turned around and walked back.

I'm falling for this man. I'm falling and I don't know what to do. But one thing is for certain- I sure as hell don't want to stop.