Toxic [Richard Kruspe]

Panic attack

  I need to get out. I need to get out.

  It's almost 6 pm and Richard hasn't showed up yet. I've knocked on the door several times to inform Oliver that I want to use the bathroom or drink some water and luckily, he accepted everything. He is a nice guy and not pushy and commanding like Richard. And most definitely, not a kidnapper. Me and Oliver had several conversations about anything that had to do with my life or Rammstein's music, everyday life, etc. He made me feel like I was at home, but not for long. The bathroom was only one door away, so I couldn't take a better look of the rest of the house. All the chatting and laughing took place in my prison. That cursed basement that I was forbidden to leave.

  There is one thing that none of them is aware of: I'm claustrophobic. If I stay in specific place closed or even worse, captive like now, there's a slight possibility I'll pass out or have a panic attack. None of them knows, yet I'm afraid that they wouldn't care, even if they knew. And Richard is still MIA.

  My hands are tied again. Oliver stated that it was necessary, so as to not make Richard suspicious of my brief freedom. After all, I'm alone again, laying on the mattress and staring at the blank ceiling. I hear no noise coming from the living room or the kitchen area, supposing that the house is empty. And I'm left alone, defenseless. Sweat starts dropping off my forehead and I feel my hands and feet shaking.

  - "OLIVER!", I scream but there's no response. "OLIVER PLEASE!". Still nothing. Fuck. I'm about to get out of control soon.

  Luckily, I hear a fast running on the stairs and the door busts open. It's Richard. He throws his keys on the wooden floor and runs to me. He looks very worried.

  - "Anna, what's going on?", he grabs my arms instantly.

  - "R-Richard.. Thank God.. Get me out of here.. I-I'm having a panic attack." The words come out of my mouth in pieces and he looks more worried now.

  - "Hold me." He takes me on his arms, bridal style, and leads me out of the basement, in his bedroom. I'm impressed. One day he yells at me for being ironic and the next day he obeys my command? Wow. Something's going on and I have to find out what.

  He carefully leaves me on his bed and sits next to me, leaning slightly above me. He lowers his voice and softly whispers in my ear.

- "It's okay, you can calm down, baby girl."

  Hearing him say "baby girl" causes butterflies in my stomach. Totally unexpected. I take a deep breath.

  - "Untie me Richard.. I don't feel well at all. Please."

  My eyes are half closed. Surprisingly, he unties both my hands and legs. I can't help it. I sink into his arms and start crying uncontrollably. Richard hugs me and his hands go softly up and down my back.

  - "Didn't Oli take good care of you?"

  - "He did.. but I can't stay as a hostage anymore.. I'm claustrophobic.. I just can't.. And you were missing for so long.. I miss my friends.. First day and I already miss them.. and my bed.. please.."

  - "Hey, hey, look at me." I hesitate at first. "In the eyes." I raise my look and I meet his. "I don't know what opinion you've created for me so far, but I assure you that I mean no harm. I'm not going to kill you, at least."

  - "What will you do with me? Something escaped from Oliver's mouth earlier."

  - "What, exactly?", he pulls away from the hug.

  - "He said that you fancy me.. What is that supposed to mean?"

  - "That little bastard..", he hisses slightly angry. "Look, we'll discuss what he told you later, okay? Just keep in mind that none of this is true."

  - "Fine..". I sound sad and I feel my heart sinking. A part of me wanted Oliver's words to be true. I want Richard to like me. But the other part of me is scared of him. I stare blankly at the window behind Richard.

  - "Now get some good rest. In a few hours we'll go clubbing. Don't waste your energy.", he gives me a half smile, and goes in the bathroom to take a shower.