Toxic [Richard Kruspe]

Christmas party (Part 2)

- "WHAT?!"

I spit my sip of lemonade on the floor and burst into hysterical laughter. Holy Jesus.

- "What a rational reaction!", Paul comments and pats my back, as I've started coughing.

- "Nice joke, Paul. Good one. Thanks for the laugh. I needed it. Ah, man." I sweep a tear that escaped my eye from the laughter.

Paul looks concerned and has a questioning look that manages to calm me down eventually.

- "True thing is, this is one of the rare occasions that I'm not joking. I'm dead serious."

- "That's... that's nonsense!, I snap. "He doesn't know me long enough to fall for me... We haven't even had a proper date, or something similar." I frown and I can feel my heart beating like crazy.

- "What about that night out a couple of weeks ago?"

- "That was totally different! It happened while I was still a hostage. Oh, and, uhm, being a hostage is one of the main reasons this can't be true. A man who loves, doesn't act like a criminal."

- "Oh Anna... Love is such a complicated feeling, displayed in hundreds of different ways for each individual person. I'm not saying that you're wrong. I'm just trying to explain that Richard's love for you is so misunderstood and...", he pauses.

- "And??"

- "And dangerous."

I close my eyes trying to process his words and I open them again.

- "What is that supposed to mean?"

- "It means that before meeting you, Richard was at his worst. He was a regular drinker and a soft drug user. Richard in his whole life, lacked of love. I think you know this part of the story."

- "Yes... I do. He told me about his family issues when he was younger."

- "Well, when he first saw you, and it was even before our concert begun, he just clicked. He fell in love with you instantly. I don't know any details, but all I know is that you make him happy. He hasn't stopped talking about you since the moment he felt it. Between us, that was an annoying but also heart-warming experience for the whole band. He looks like like he's resurrected.", he half smiles.

I'm in loss of words. Paul isn't joking. I can spot the sincerity in his eyes. I softly rub my temples and take a sip of lemonade. I feel my throat dry.

- "But what about his unexplainable behavior against me? I mean... He locked me in a basement... He tried to humiliate me during class... I don't understand."

- "The alcohol side effects and his cocky ways of flirting, are not a good combination I gotta admit.", he raises his hands.

- "Fine... And... What do you suggest I shall do? Because honestly, I'm so fraught right now."

- "Absolutely nothing. What I need from you, is your honest answer."

- "Sure, I guess...?"

- "Are you in love with Richard?", he points me with his finger and drinks his Vodka while he waits intrigued and clearly impatiently for my reply.

All of a sudden, I feel butterflies in my stomach. I haven't admitted to anyone else formally, besides myself, my feelings for Richard. Something's blocking me, however. It's not that Paul isn't trustworthy. It's Richard that I can't trust yet. His behaviour and intentions need decoding.

- "Look... Not to sound hesitant against you, but I'd rather discuss it with him in person. And I still don't feel ready for a conversation like this. Or to see him, in general. I'm still pissed from before."