Toxic [Richard Kruspe]

"Be careful"

The sky is luckily clear and I see no signs of upcoming rain. With the tea on my one hand and Andy's support on the other, we walk through the park next to the hospital. Some people are walking their pet dogs and some others are jogging. I wonder how do they manage to run outside, with a weather like this, but that's the least important thing that should concern me right now.

We choose a bench behind a small pond, surrounded by circular bushes and I leave my tea to the side. I stare at the pond for a while, listening to the birds chirping, when Andy decides to speak. He puts his hands in his pockets and forms small frozen clouds with his breath.

- "I'd rather not mention anything about today's events, I hope you understand why.", he begins.

- "I would have stopped you anyway. I just want to lock this in my mind for a couple of hours."

- "Wise choice.", he comments. "So... How's your life in Germany? Have you adapted yet?"

- "If we look at it from certain angles, yes. I have some very close friends, the lessons at the university are tough but not impossible to pass I suppose... I have a boyfriend... So yes, in general I've made a good start." That's not completely true though.

- "Yeah, about that... Are you sure that you made a right choice?"

- "Uh, sure, Germany is a beautiful country and the Music and Arts uni is one of the best, besides the fact that they technically killed my mom with their phonecall, but..."

- "Anna... I mean Richard."

I gulp.

- "What about him?"

- "I know this guy. He's Rammstein's guitarist."

- "Tell me something I don't know Andy.", I tap my fingers on my lap nervously. "You don't like him?"

- "No, I'm not saying that. He seems friendly and polite in person. But he has a dark past, if you're asking me."

- "I'm not asking you, but go on. I'm curious of where are you going with this.", I start getting annoyed.

- "Drugs, alcohol, fights... He even got in prison for 5 days! Not to mention the numerous amounts of girls he used to date before you..."

I hit the bench with my fist and I give Andy a deadly look. His lecture is tottaly useless, especially now that I'm vulnerable to almost everything.

- "Okay, first of all, the prison thing happened because of the Berlin wall, so practically, it wasn't his fault... Secondly, I don't care about his past with other girls. He's with me now. As for the drugs and the alcohol... He's not a user anymore and he promised to quit drinking soon. Any other flaws?"

- "Anna, that's what everyone says to lead a girl to their bed! Wake up! I'm not saying that he's a bad guy or something similar, but please be careful... You can't be sure of anyone, before you gain their complete trust."

Andy checks his phone instantly and tends it to me. He taps on the screen for emphasis.

- "Look at the time... What does the screen say?"

- "1 am. So?"

- "We've been missing for half an hour. Don't you find it weird that he hasn't looked for you yet?"

- "He has his own personal life, plus, I'm not his property, neither he's mine. I don't mind if we are not together for such a little time.", I state blankly. "Why are you doing this anyway?"

- "I just don't want you to be unhappy. Now that you've lost your mother, I don't want you to fall into 'oblivion' if he dumps you. You look fragile." He places his hand on my arm sympathetically, but I shove it away angrily.

- "And I don't like being lectured by a guy who I've barely talked during these two years, but I don't make it such a big deal.", I snap. "Richard loves me! We've had our ups and downs, but he loves me and cares about me! Otherwise, he wouldn't have came here with me at the first place. He would have found an excuse."

- "I don't doubt that he cares. I felt the need to give you a friendly warning though. As a guy who's been into a lot of shit, trust me. Something's going on. And I wish it's just my idea. But keep this in mind, so as to not regret it later."

- "Enough." I sip on my tea and grab my crutches, standing up. "I'm not doing this right now. I appreciate the fact that you care, but don't ever judge a book by its cover again." I close my eyes and open them, looking around tensed. "And you know what? I'm burying my own mother tomorrow. That's more important than some baseless theories about my boyfriend."

- "Fair." He walks beside me and he places his arm behind my back for some extra support. "What's next on the schedule? Should we go back to the hospital?"

- "Walk me home. I'm out of energy to do anything else and not in the mood for more crying. I'm empty inside... Can you do this?", I ask sadly.

- "Sure, do you have your keys?"

- "Yes. I'll go to bed soon. This day exhausted me in any way possible."

**********

Andy leaves me out of my house's door and I take the keys out of my pocket. He leans closer to me and kisses my cheek, before I put them in the lock.

- "Goodnight little Annie. I'm sorry if I distressed you before, I just-"

- "Nevermind, we're good. I'm a big girl and I can make my own choices... See you tomorrow and thanks for the company.", I caress his shoulder.

- "Bye."

I unlock the door and I get in the house. I place my coat on the couch and I take off my shoes, until I realize that the lights are on in my bedroom. I start panicking and I move slowly to my room, picking up a vase in the meanwhile. I scan the place for any burglary signs, but everything seems clear, so I decide to ask directly.

- "Hello?", I shout. "Anyone here?"

- "It's me, Richard!" he tends his hands to his sides as soon as he sees me with the vase in my hands. "Put it down, I'm too young to get killed!", he laughs but I place the vase on my drawer annoyed, exhaling relieved.

- "You idiot!! You scared me to death! How did you get in here?"

- "Your aunt gave me some spare keys and I got here, since you and your cousin went for a walk. I hope it's okay."

- "It's... it's fine, just let me know before you do that again.", I start undressing myself and Richard approaches me, wrapping his arms around my waist, but I softly push him away. "I'm not in the mood Reesh..."

- "Relax, I just want to help you.", he comforts me and dresses me into my PJs.

I sink into my bed and I turn off the reading lamp. I close my eyes and I feel Richard snuggling next to me, placing a kiss on my neck, where he finally rests his head. I'm so happy that I have this man in my life, especially in one of my hardest moments, but I can't stop thinking about Andy's words. I've always had my doubts about Richard, but after our long conversations and love confessions, every doubt vanished, like it never existed. I love him and I wish with all of my heart that none of Andy's theories gets true in the future, but that annoying parasite of trust and doubt found its way back to the surface.