Toxic [Richard Kruspe]

Redemption seeking

- "Are you sure you want to leave? What about Alex?", Melanie wonders.

- "Alex is already in some big trouble, Mel. He's in a coma. He will have doctors around him 24/7, plus, his girlfriend is on her way sooner or later. Eventually, he will be safe. It can't get any worse. But me, here, in this place, I won't be safe, as long as Richard is around."

Anna looks determined. I start thinking of backup ideas, but none comes to my mind. Keeping Anna away from Richard is a difficult task, especially because knowing that Richard is the one who is expected to recover sooner, isn't going to make things easy. He will search for her. I touch my chin and I roll the wheelchair out of the room.

- "We need to discuss this with the guys. And your mom, for sure.", I close the door and enter her room, followed by Oliver. Melanie is going to stay with Alex for a little bit longer. She's devastated and we respect Anna's choice to let Melanie out of this.

- "No, Till, no, not my mom.", she denies, while we transfer her back to her bed. "My mom has heart issues. She's the only one I have. If she finds out about the crash, it will kill her. It's sad enough that we won't get to spend Christmas together, due to the university."

- "So, what do you suggest we do?", I ask concerned, resting my back on the wall.

- "Oh, I think I got this.", Oliver bursts and we both turn our heads to him. "You would have spent Christmas alone, right?  Me, Paul and Christoph arrange every year a gathering at Paul's mansion, 30 minutes away from the city of Berlin, as long as we are still singles, of course.", he explains. "It would be fun if you would join us. And, you would be under three men's surveillance, like your doctor ordered."

- "That's actually not a bad idea.", I agree. "What's better than spending the holidays with your favourite band? Well, half the band, because Flake scheduled a flight to Belgium this year and I have a daughter to take care of. As for Richard... Well, he'll be contained by me.", I offer.

Anna's eyes brighten up when she hears our offer and smiles happily.

- "You're kidding!! Christmas holidays with my favourite band? What's more to ask for?", she waves and we all wrap ourselves into a group hug. "Thank you guys, I appreciate it."

- "It's nothing, really. We have to inform Christoph and Paul though. It's his mansion, after all.", I wink.

- "Yes, sure. I'm not that type of person who's being a burden, anyway.", she lies back to her bed. "But I can't stay for a long time. It's bugging me that Alex is in there, unable to spend Christmas like the rest of us. I want to be driven here once a day to check up on him. I hope it's okay."

- "Don't even think about it. We all worry about the boy. Of course you can come here to visit him whenever you want. It's your friend, after all."

I make a motion to Oliver with my head and he follows me.

- "We'll leave you alone now and we'll come back tomorrow, okay? We have to inform the guys about our plan."

- "Okay.", she smiles. "Time to take a nap. My head still feels like a rock. Goodnight guys. And thank you for everything.", she pulls over the sheets and closes her eyes.

- "Sweet dreams, Anna. See you.", both me and Oliver say goodbye and we head to the garage, where the rest of the guys texted me they just arrived.

Richard's POV

2 o'clock. I rub my eyes and throw the sheets away. They're all finally gone and I'm free to wander around for a while. I can't sleep much. Not when I know that two innocent people are in pain because of my stupidity. I need to see them. I don't know who's going to be first, but I have to do what I feel like doing. No one can stop me.

I wear my slippers and I slowly open the door, wishing it won't make a creaking sound. I look around the hallway for any doctors, but it's empty. Great. I make some careful steps to Anna's room and I double check the hallway and inside the window, to see if she's still awake. Luckily, she's asleep. But first, I gotta go somewhere else.

I close the door behind me and approach Alex's bed. It's too shocking seeing how he ended up looking like, especially knowing that I'm the reason behind it. I sit on a chair and start whispering my guilty monologue:

"Hey, buddy. I don't know if you can hear me or not, but I got to take it out of my system. I'm sorry. I'm truly, deeply sorry for what I did to you. I meant no harm and I'm saying this fully aware of the seriousness of your situation. It's just that...", I pause.

I feel a knot inside my throat and I look down to my feet. Tears are oozing out of my eyes and I bite my lip so as to not make any noise.

"I love her. I kissed her and she thought I was you, but she stopped the kiss anyway. I'm not sure how, but at that very moment, jealousy blinded me. I wanted to stop you no matter what, when you left the bar, because many inappropriate thoughts kept swirling in my mind. You touching her, making love to her, or anything similar. I couldn't just let that happen, because I wanted to be the one who would do these things with Anna. I wanted her to be mine and only mine. They informed me earlier that you already have a girlfriend and I couldn't feel more stupid in my entire life for risking your lives because of a misunderstanding."

I stand up and take a deep breath. I lean above Alex and kiss his forehead softly.

"I'm sorry Alex. Sorry for messing up with your lives. I ruined everything... I hope one day you'll forgive my stupidity. Even if I don't deserve it."