Toxic [Richard Kruspe]

Let's cuddle

I stand still, admiring her bravery in shock. She's changed. For the better, of course, but it's obvious that something changed inside her. I suppose I can deal with this later.

- "Anna are you sure that we're okay?", I hold her shoulders and she smiles.

- "Totally. We played their game and we won. We make one hell of a team."

- "Yes, yes, I don't doubt that, but still, I slapped you."

- "Remember Reesh. That was a part of the plan." She kisses my cheek. "Now go back to them and tell them I want to get some rest and call Melanie. Hurry!", she whispers chuckling and I manage to smile too, seeing that she's enjoying this hide and seek situation to the max.

- "Okay, I'll go, be careful with the stairs."

She rolls her eyes playfully.

- "I'll take the elevator, silly. Duh."

- "Right.", I snap my fingers and I head to my beloved and soon to be dead friends.

They stop their mumblings as soon as they see me join them back to the couch. I cough a little bit to break the ice and they just stare at me awkwardly, looking for a sign of who should talk first. Anna was right from the very beginning. They know about us and clearly the guilt has overwhelmed them, depending on their reactions on my fake fight with her.

- "Richard... Are you okay?", Paul decides to speak first.

I light another cigarette and act sad. To be honest, I am truly sad that I slapped her, even if it was just for that stupid game. But at least now I'm more relaxed that nothing's ruined between us.

- "I'm more than okay.", I puff. "Now she hates me even more. Thanks to you, fellas. As if I needed more hate in my life."

Christoph changes his gaze between me and the fireplace, all nervous, looking like he wants to say something. I'm curious to find out what.

- "Spit it out, Doom.", I order him. "Come on, whatever you say, can't make it any worse."

- "I-I'm sorry."

- "For what exactly? For the slapping command or for the fact that you hit on her?", I say casually, giving him a side look.

Paul, Flake and Oliver watch us intensely. Christoph, on the contrary, looks like he wants to hide in a closet from the embarassment. He also knows how short tempered I am when it comes to a situation between us. And by "us", I mean the whole band. His eyes expose his guilt perfectly.

- "For everything. I shouldn't have flirted her, especially aware that you two have some kind of 'history'. I'll just block my feelings and that's it."

- "Woah, woah, wait.", I snap, leaving my cigarette in the ashtray. "You have actual feelings for her? Like, for real?"

There are two possible scenarios. Either he's a really good actor, or... he dies. Well, not literally, but this nerve test has started getting more and more exhausting.

- "More like a crush. But it'll fade soon, I promise. Besides, I believe that she still has feelings for you, so it would be destructive if I tried again to be the third wheel."

- "Third wheel?", I burst into laughter. "Dude, there's not even a car to be the third wheel! She hates me! I crashed the kids'car! Come on!"

- Richard, you seem a little tense.", I suddenly hear Flake popping in our convo. "Are you in for a ride? It will help your temper."

- "I guess.", I stand up and grab my coat. "After all, I can't even look at any of these three right now. Betrayal hurts."

**********

It's 1 after midnight and we've got back home. It had been a long time since me and Flake chilled together somewhere, so I enjoyed our little ride in the countryside, which turned out to be extremely long. Driving through the snow can be so dangerous, yet so beautiful at the same time. He really helped me chill. We talked about everything and I can proudly admit that I'm relaxed now.

We wish goodnight to each other and we head to our rooms. Except that I'm not going to mine. I quickly change into my blue cotton pjs and head to Anna's bedroom. Now that I ensured that everyone's asleep, I think I deserve to spend some quality time with my girl.

I slowly close the door and I'm happy to realize that she's asleep. She's muffled under a huge blanket and I hurry to carefully curl up with her, hugging her from behind. Her breathing is calm and her face looks so peaceful. She looks like an angel, with her messed from the sleep curls that cover a little bit of her face. I set them aside and I place a kiss on her cheek. It's warm. Oh God, since when have I become so romantic? Anna is not the only one who has changed. So have I.

My hands are on her waist and I continue kissing her here and there, when she mechanically turns on her back, holding my hand in her palm and I can't help but smirk to the gesture. She snuggles against my chest, as much as her hurt arm lets her and I spot a small, lazy smile on her lips.

- "Hey."

- "Hey.", I whisper in a deep tone.

- "I thought you wouldn't come...", she says half asleep, half awake.

- "I never break my promises baby.", I kiss her forehead and she giggles lightly.

- "Will you sleep with me?" She kisses my chest and even though she just kissed the fabric, I feel shivers.

- "Of course I will. But first, you owe me a goodnight kiss.", I caress her hair, smiling.

I lean on her, kissing her softly. Dear God, how I wish I could do more than just kiss her. But she's hurt and I have to respect that and remain patient till the  holy day when she'll fully recover. But the warmness of her body doesn't actually cooperate. With her other arm, she passes her fingers through my hair while I deepen the kiss and we slow the pace to keep it more passionate. When we end the kiss, she lighlty opens her eyes and watches directly into mine, while I smile like a little boy.

- "I love you Reesh."

She looks so pure, so innocent that I want to cry. Flake's relaxing methods turned out to be more effective than I thought they would. This is the first time I actually feel loved. Companionship. Also, it is the first time I receive these words from her, in such a private and special moment like this.

- "I love you too Anna. I'll do everything I can to make you feel as loved as you make me."

We cuddle under the blanket and in a couple of minutes she falls asleep again, in my arms this time. I lean my head on hers and fall asleep, holding the reason of my happiness so close to my heart. After all the mess I've caused, I'm finally happy. And I'd be damned if I ruined it again. Tomorrow's a big day.