Toxic [Richard Kruspe]

London

I haven't gone to my home land for a long time. Richard's offer to accompany me to my mom's funeral is so touching, it makes me love him even more; as if it's possible. He's so supportive and caring to me, that sometimes I feel like I'm dreaming and sooner or later I'm going to wake up and return to reality.

The atmosphere at the mansion was heavy and tensed after I announced that I'm flying back to London, due to my mom's death. All the guys were devastated that another hard and painful incident happened in my life, especially during holiday season, where I was supposed to be having fun. Well, looks like God had other plans. I never actually had the chance to fully unpack my stuff into the wardrobe, so I just put into my suitcase some things that were spread here and there and told Richard that I was ready to go. I noticed that he hadn't packed as many things as I expected, like me, but what can we do. Men are men.

Here we are now, into Rammstein's private airplane, being used just for concerts and emergency like this, I suppose. It's 7 am and the sun has already set, which makes the sky all dark and Berlin look so beautiful, just with the snow and the city lights. When the plane gets stabilized in the air, I exhale relieved and stare out of the window. I feel his hand on mine, as I'm occupied admiring the clouds.

- "Are you scared of planes? You look nervous.", he speaks softly.

- "A little bit, yes, but at the moment I have more important things to care about, than think of my phobias."

- "Such a long answer for a short question like this.", he comments and I caress his fingers.

- "I'm sorry... It's just that my nerves are kinda tensed all day... I'm about to attend my mom's funeral and face lots of people, along with questions... I have a feeling that I'm going to lose my shit when the time comes."

- "That's normal and definitely not an easy task, baby. Just be yourself. It's not your fault anyway."

- "Ah, easy for you to say Reesh." I crawl into his hug and he rests his head on mine. "I want this to be over. If only I had the choice to not face any of my distant relatives, that would be great."

- "Long lasting troubles?"

- "Not really, I just don't feel like socializing with them."

- "You'll be fine. Plus, if anything weird happens, I got your back.", he winks.

- "My personal paladin. Hm... not complaining.", I half smile closing my eyes and take a small nap until we arrive to England.

**********

Some hours later, we finally arrive to London. Luckily, the weather here isn't snowy but it remains rainy, like always. The clouds are grey and it's raining lightly, with a soft, yet cold breeze causing me to tremble. The taxi leaves us right outside my house. When we place our luggage on the sidewalk, I take a moment to admire my neighborhood. Nothing changed. The trees, the road, the district shops and mini markets, the small park facing my house... They all remain the same. Except for me. Everything is about to change when I enter my home. My mom's not going to be there to greet me and hug me.

I take off my keys and open the front door shaking. Richard's following silently behind me and I hear noises coming from the living room. I look back at him and whisper.

- "My bedroom's the second door on your right. Leave our stuff in there and join us in the leaving room... I'm going to need you soon as it seems."

- "Okay, I'll be there in a minute."

As Richard carries our luggage, I head to the living room and I face lots of people. My second cousin, my aunt and some strangers from around the neighborhood, who obviously got informed for my mom's sudden death. I make a hesitant step closer with my crutches and all the heads turn to look at me. I stand frozen, not being able to process the shocking sight in front of me. My mother is lying on the sofa, her arms crossed on her chest, not moving. Her eyes are closed. So this is it. This is how a heartbreak feels like. I instantly feel my eyes tearful and my legs light. As I pass out and lose consciousness, I hear screaming from those people, rushing to hold me, but I already lie on someone's arms. Richard's. He places me on the couch carefully and my cousin runs to bring me a glass of water.

- "Anna! Anna are you okay!", he gives me soft slaps on the cheeks to help me come around. I take the glass of his hands and try to drink some water, slowly opening my eyes.

- "I'm pretty sure I'm not...", I touch my forehead and frown.

- "Man, thanks a lot for helping. Who are you, by the way?", he turns to Richard curious.

- "I'm her boyfriend from Germany. Richard Kruspe. Nice to meet you...?"

- "Andy. Andy Forset.", they shake hands. "I'm Anna's second cousin. Our mothers were first cousins so that's how we are related."

- "Oh, I see..." Richard approaches my mom and gazes at her from above, shaking his head, as I'm still laying on the couch. The rest of the people make space for him to examine her. "She looks so young... How did this happen?"

- "That's so painful to explain, actually.", Andy begins. We planned on visiting her later this day. When we arrived here, we knocked on the door but nobody opened, so I looked inside from the window to make sure that nothing was wrong. I saw her on the ground, motionless, with the phone in her hands. I pushed the door open and got inside. Aunt Emma wasn't responding to CPR, so that's when I realized that she was, well... gone."

- "Oh God, poor her..." he puts in, making a sad grimace.

- "Mr Kruspe, do you know anything about Anna's situation? Why does she have plaster casts on her arm and her leg?", an old lady asks Richard and he scratches his head awkwardly.

- "She had a car accident recently. She's going to recover soon though, as the doctors said.", he tries to explain but another old dude pops in.

- "Was Emma aware that her daughter got involved into a crash?"

- "No, Mr Ed, the university told her. I searched at the recent phone calls and as soon as I saw the phone number, I called them back and they confirmed everything.", Andy replies to the old man calmy, but he insists on pressuring with his questions.

- "So it's Anna's fault! She is the one to blame for this!", he points at me and I'm ready to answer back cursing, but Richard walks fastly to me and avoids my outburst, grabbing my arm.

- "I have to correct you sir, by no means it was Anna's fault. She knew that telling her mother about the accident would kill her, so practically, she tried to protect her."

- "And who are you? Her lawyer? You weren't there!", he continues the accusations and I burst out furious, shouting at him.

- "Neither was you, so do me the favour and shut the fuck up!" Everyone freezes and Richard and Andy look at me shocked. "I just lost my mother for God's sake! A little sympathy and respect for me and the dead, won't hurt anyone, will it?!" I support myself with the crutches and I head to my room mad. "If any of you have nothing good to say, you know where the exit door is."