Toxic [Richard Kruspe]

Cr(a/u)sh

"We have a winner!!", he smiles. "For one second I believed that you actually thought I was that friend of yours. Alex, right? Charming."

I stare at him blankly, with a half open mouth. I can't believe he just kissed me. I feel so weird, and confused, and... angry. The arrogant look on his face doesn't make it any better.

- "What?"

- "Why are you doing this?", I try asking calmly. I take a deep breath.

- "Please don't tell me that you expected your mystery kiss to be that Alex guy."

- "Actually yes, I did. See, I'm not used to letting strangers kiss me by any chance. Nor any sneaky bastards who have fun tricking me, to say the least."

- "You're calling me a bastard? Well, that hurt me." He gets serious and takes his hands off me. "I thought you wanted this." 

- "Just... just let me ask you one question. And be honest, for once."

- "Depends." He cocks his head.

- "Was Paul aware of your presence here?"

He's not talking. He looks in my eyes angrily, yet guiltily. I'm gonna kill him. Today's date with Paul was just a fishing attempt for my emotions. Richard was behind this all along. It's pretty clear by his body language that my hypothesis is true. God damnit. The music gets a little louder. No-one seems to have noticed that me and Richard are almost fighting, but I feel like I'm going to explode. The moment is so tense.

- "Well...", he hesitates. Truth is, he knew I was at a place near this bar, but not actually in here. So...-"

- "Who- who do you think you are to be involved in my life like this? Do I look like a fucking toy to you?", I shout.

- "Please stop shouting...", he touches my forearm to calm me down but I push it away.

- "Do you think that your money can buy anything, huh? Do you think that by ordering your friends to watch me like detectives is going to heal your loneliness? Believe me, I don't give a flying shit about your fame, your looks, or your intentions against me. Your obsession with me is toxic!", I snap.

I see Alex coming holding our beers and I stop shouting. Richard's angry expression changes and it gets replaced by a hurt one. A really, really hurt one. He tries to maintain his voice to normal levels.

- "Anna, trust me, I never had bad intentions against you. I just have an odd way expressing my affection and love to some people."

- "Don't you ever tell me again that you love me.", I demand with a threatening, yet desperate voice. "This isn't love, Richard. This is an obsession. A very serious one, if you're asking me. You need help. Help that it definitely won't come from me. I'm sorry, but I've had enough. I'm not a little girl amymore and for sure, not a toy."

- "Anna..."

Richard grabs my arm as I try to leave and he instantly sets it free as soon as he sees Alex approaching us. He looks so confused.

- "Mr. Kruspe? What are you doing here?", he asks changing his stare between us. "With Anna?"

I try to avoid the awkwardness with a lie and I smile to Alex.

- "Oh, hey, uhm, Mr. Kruspe came here for a drink and met me by chance and we had a little talk about class, you know?", I pat Richard's back.

- "Yes, yes, that's right, we were talking about... guitar?"

- "Sure we did!", I smile like a psycho. "But know Alex and I have to go back to our dorms. We have class tomorrow.", I quickly take down our coats and grab Alex, leading him to the exit. "Goodnight Mr. Kruspe! Have fun!"

- "Wait! Anna!!", Richard shouts but I can barely hear him, as me and Alex are exiting the bar. As soon as we get out, Alex, frowns worried, light snow falling on his nose.

- "Can you please explain what just happened in there?", we start walking to the car.

- "Nothing, really. I just got a little bit dizzy and had to leave the bar. Looks like I'll never get used to drinking."

- "This, or something that has to do with Richard?"

- "I don't get your suspiciousness, Alex. What could it possibly be?" We get into Alex's car, which he luckily parked some metres away from the bar and starts driving.

- I don't know, maybe your love for him and his unexpected presence made you feel uncomfortable, who knows? I know that I would do so, at least.

- "Never say that I love him again, okay? I don't. I never did. It was all a crush that faded away. And please, keep your eyes on the road."

- "I have a hard time believing you right now, but are you sure that nothing else happened while I was away?", he continues and opens the car heater.

- "Nothing. Nothing at all." I cross my arms on my chest and look at the falling snowflakes, covering every inch of every passing pavement. "Let's just go home now. We'll discuss everything tomorrow."

Alcohol and driving is such a bad combination at moments like this. Alex's weak reflexes didn't succeed to avoid the car coming straight at us. Alex turns the wheel fretfully and crashes on an electricity column, causing his head to hit on the windshield and many small pieces of glass cut our faces and hands. The other car's bang, violently throws my body to the corner of the window, capsizing our car. I breath slowly and I feel blood oozing out of my nose. I notice that Alex is unconscious, bleeding from everywhere. A tear escapes my eye as darkness surrounds me.