Be With Me

Chapter 36

Late at night and with Rafaela already sleeping for a couple of hours by his side, James struggled to shut his eyes once more. He tossed and tossed, from left to right, right to left and was unable to sleep. Despair began to take over and he puffed looking at the ceiling. Then he felt Liam moving in his crib and looked at it, he could see the shadow of his tiny arms waving a bit in the air and then a whimper followed. Since he was awake, he got up and went to him, putting the pacifier in his mouth.

"Shuu..." He whispered trying to calm down the baby, but the next second, the pacifier fell, and Liam whimpered again. James insisted. "You're going to wake up mommy." He whispered again and when Liam refused to hold the pacifier in his mouth, James picked him up. The baby began to cry, and James took him away. "Hey..." He rocked his baby in his arms, already in the living room.

"What's the matter? Uh?" He talked to Liam sat on the couch. The baby frowned and though his cry was low, James knew he was just preparing to yell at the top of his lungs, so he held him close against his chest, rocking him.

Rafaela had woken up at Liam's first whimper, a mother always wakes up first sound her baby makes, but since she felt James getting out of the bed, she remained still and quiet, but hearing Liam crying in the living room made her get out of the bed to check things out.

"Is everything alright?" She asked with sleepy voice. James looked back at her.

"He's cranky, I guess." He said. She sat by his side.

"I think teeth are beginning to bother him. He's almost five months; they say it begins around this age."

"Go to bed Rafi." James told her. "Tomorrow is your first day in college, so go to bed. I am not sleeping so I'll stay with him."

She knew he wasn't sleeping again, for he had woke her up several times while tossing around in bed. "Do you want me to brew some tea, to help you sleep?"

"No...I am fine." He said.

"You haven't been sleeping at all..." She stated.

"Go to bed." He said again diverting the subject where she knew she would end up.

"Ok." She said throwing her towel down, though she hated to do so. Getting up, she kissed her son and then James' lips.

"Now you and me little man." She heard him saying. She stopped walking and stayed watching them while James ignored she was still peeking. "Why aren't you sleeping? Is it teeth as mommy said? Show me..." He said and Rafaela almost giggled. Liam simply whimpered again. He was like that when he wasn't in good mood, and when the whimper became a cry again, he held Liam close against his chest one more time. "It's ok... daddy is here..." He said tenderly making her heart melt. "I am sad too sweetie. I lost a brother..." There her heart cracked. "Come on, stop crying... do you want daddy to cry too?" Liam stopped and James brought his face close to his. "That's better..." Rafaela felt him smile and from that distance she saw Liam smiling too. "You are the most amazing thing I have in my life, the most important one and I was so scared of not seeing you again..." He said looking in his son's tiny face. James kissed the baby's forehead tenderly.

"Oh..." She whispered low understanding there part of his anguish.

"I love you so much little man." He kissed the baby again. "I could not take it if anything happened to you, anything. You are my most precious treasure, together with your mom that is... I love her too... but you, you are so dependent on me and her, what if I wouldn't be here now to hold you? To see you grow up? Am I selfish baby? It crossed my mind that I would never see you and mom again... I'm glad I am home." He confessed it all.