Be With Me

Chapter 61

Tony parked the car in front of Rafaela's house, and she took a deep breath staring at the house. Tony felt her despair and her pain, maybe some confusion in her head and that wasn't good.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" He suggested.

"A meeting this late?" She smiled at him.

"It's my duty isn't it?" He told her.

Rafaela nodded. She needed to talk and no one better than him. Seeing James had been the largest emotion she had been exposed to since she had left therapy and it hit her hard.

"I think I could use a little conversation. Maybe I can brew some tea?" She suggested.

"Tea it is." Tony said and got out of the car.

Rafaela instructed him to wait in the living room while she brewed them some mint tea. In the kitchen James popped up in her mind. His words, his anger, his hatred, him turning his back on her the second she stopped near them. All his looks at her and Tony, then his show, trying to embarrass her in front of everyone. Her eyes watered, her heart ached, and he had hurt her and embarrassed her indeed, but she couldn't ignore the willingness to hold him close, to caress his hair, to grab his hand and take him out of there. All she wanted to do was hold him and tell him everything was going to be alright. It sure was embarrassing for her but it had exposed himself and embarrassed himself as well, maybe even more than to herself. When the tea was ready she came back to the living room holding a tray in her hands. She gave Tony a cup and grabbed the other for herself, sitting on the floor in front of him, legs crossed.

"So, how do you feel?" He questioned her.

"About seeing him? About what he's done?" She asked back not sure what his question was.

"First about seeing him." Tony guided her.

"I can't explain... I don't know." She said blowing her tea to get it a bit colder. "I think too many emotions passed by me that moment. It was weird and at the same time good. Weird because we're not together anymore and it feels weird now not to have him with me and good because I missed him, and I wanted to see him but didn't have the courage to call him or text him or anything. I feel like I don't have the right to do that." She said in the end setting her eyes on the floor. Tony saw some of her struggle taking over there.

"Because of what you've done?" Tony asked.

"Yes." She affirmed nodding. "I know he feels abandoned. James has abandonment issues and I... I mean... I left him when I knew he needed me the most... I couldn't have done that."

"But you were not alright, you know that now." Tony helped. "You were not capable of making that judgment anymore. You can now but not back then."

"That's the thing..." She smiled ironically. "I know now I couldn't, but he doesn't know that."

"And how do you feel after what he's done today?"

"He's hurt. He's hurt... that's all I know and that's why I don't hate him now." She made it short, but Tony understood what she meant.

"And what are you going to do? I mean, concerning him." He insisted.

Rafaela shrugged and smiled and then shook her head. "Nothing." She ended up saying and Tony noticed how her eyes glittered that moment. There were tears ready to fall.

"How come nothing?" He insisted.

"There's nothing I can do now." She said letting her tears fall. It wasn't the first time she'd cry while talking to him. "I blew all the chances I had to excuse myself with him. What he's done today shows exactly that. Did you hear the things he told me? That was harsh... so there's nothing I can do. I know him, he's very proud. He'll never hear me; he'll never forgive me. Never..."