Be With Me

Chapter 62

James put his guitar down and ran a hand over his hair. Instead of going home, he ended up going to the studio. After the conversation with the doctor he couldn't be home hammering on it, he had to play, distract himself, only it didn't turn out in his favor because he was just hammering on it the whole time. He felt like an idiot. Everything he had done last night was out of hanger, but most of all, out of pure jealousy to see her with another man. It was not true... but what if that person was someone Rafaela had met and fell in love with? That would be too hard to take. He couldn't allow that, could he? He couldn't give her space for her to let go and meet someone else. He loved her. After putting his guitar on the floor, he sat on the chair behind him and crossed his hands behind his back. One day, if he didn't do anything, she could appear with a guy for real and he didn't want that. That was the clearest thing on his mind.

"I don't know what to do..." He let out after his moment of thinking.

"Talking about Rafi again?" Lars asked him as James had told him the whole story before.

"Yes."

"What is on your mind right now? You're thinking about what the doctor told you are' t you? Look... you love her..." Lars said understanding him.

"Yeah, I love her." James nodded. "Even after all she has done, I love her. Though I do blame myself for not noticing how badly she was doing. She had quit her anxiety pills in a rampant and I didn't know that! You just can't do that; you have to quit gradually for your mind get used to it. If you do it like she has done it, it will make things even worse and I didn't realize it. Rafi... she's the one, she's the only one." He let out.

"Then go for it!" Lars exclaimed. "I think her doctor told you everything you need to know. She loves you back, it's not hard to get that after what he told you. And above all, he gave you clues of how to deal with her now."

"That's the thing!" James almost yelled. He got up and paced around for a few seconds under Lars' attentive glare. "That's the thing. I don't know if I can get close to her without trying to kiss her, to hold her, because that's all I want to do. What if I don't do or say the right thing? What if she's so alienated that she won't receive me well? What if she's so changed that she's not my Rafi anymore?"

"She is the same person, but you're just scared shitless." Lars said. "I understand why you are scared but James, if you want her, then go for it and don't think too much about it. You know that after reconnecting with her things will come naturally. You know her, you know what she likes, it's not that hard for you to please her."

"I'm afraid I've changed, and she won't like this new me." James said whispering and looking down at his feet. His voice sounded the most insecure that moment.

"Because you've been drinking so much?" Lars confronted him and James raised his head off his feet to stare at Lars' green eyes. "We've all noticed it, maybe you have to stop that. I bet Rafi can't have alcohol. I mean, if she drinks too much some of her demons might come back with it, so I am quite sure the doctor forbad her to have it. Maybe you should get on that train as well. Not only because she's the woman you love man, but for your own sake as well. You know you have been way out of line..."

"I can stop." He added confident of his words.

"Go for her man! Think of a way to get to through her. You're not happy without her James, that is as clear as water." Lars instigated him.

"I feel miserable without her." James confessed. "I was going to ask her to marry me. I still have the ring man; it does hurt a lot when I think of that."

"Maybe one day you'll be able to give her that ring, but for that you must step up. If you don't then you most probably won't be able to give it to her ever. Come on... don't be a pussy! It's Rafi we're talking about."