Avenger's One-shots and Preferences

Rebound-Thor

It's been awhile since I had written up a one-shot for Thor. Let's say after Endgame, Thor didn't join the Guardians of the Galaxy, he stays and finds out his ex-girlfriend got engaged so he tries to move on and meets the reader as kind of a rebound. Minimal inspiration from BoJack Horseman.

Some language and angst at the end. Enjoy.

"Okay, Thor, seriously, you need to get your shit together," the Asgaridan hears a familiar voice as he comes to from his drunken stupor. His blurry vision clears as he recognizes it was Pepper's voice. "So you've been going through a bit of a rough patch, we've all have," Pepper continues, "But you're gonna bounce back. You're Thor, the goddamn god of thunder. You're strong, smart, and a goddamn beloved Avenger. So get the hell off my lawn before Morgan sees you in this state."

"Oh that's, where am I?" Thor asks, taking in his surroundings, "I thought I was at the drive-thru at a Burger King or McDonald's or some other fast food joint. How much did I have to drink last night?" "Last night?" Pepper scoffs, "Forget last night, you've been on the bender for the last three weeks. Since you found out on Twitter that Jane Foster got engaged to a Mr. Big." "Jane got to engaged to- I need a drink," Thor reaches for his semi-empty bottle of whiskey. "No, no more drinking," Pepper scolds, taking the bottle away, "You've been outta control, this needs to stop." "I have not been outta control," Thor denies.
"Do we need to have a flashback?" Pepper says.

------------Flashback-----------

"Miss Potts-Stark!" Thor shouts to the second floor of the Stark house, bottle in one hand and some homeless guy by the other, "look who I met. Rami Malek." "That is not Rami Malek!" Pepper shouts back.

"Ms Potts!" Thor calls back some time later, "Rami Malek and I got our ears pierced look!" "Again that is not Rami Malek!" Pepper says back, "And put that away, that is not your ear!"

"Mrs. Stark," Thor shows up yet again, looking sad and giving a couple hiccups, "Rami Malek died. *sniff*. Why? Why oh why, gods why? Why did you take Rami Malek away why? Oh this is Stark and Romanoff and Loki and everyone I loved I lost all over again!"

--------End of Flashback----------------

"Oh, well that doesn't sound so bad," Thor shrugs. "Did I mention you were naked for most of that?" Pepper points out, "Also none of that happened here it happened at the Stark Industries office."

-----------Flashback-----------

"He was too precious for this world!" Thor laments the loss of his new friend while some onlookers in the office stared in confusion that some strange naked man was sobbing over the loss of a celebrity,
"Why did I think night swimming was a good idea when it was clearly high tide?!"

-------End of Flashback--------------

"Oh, and there are also videos of you circulating on YouTube giving a drunken eulogy for Malek," Pepper shows one of the videos to Thor, "You were naked for that too. I've been getting calls from his agent every other day for the last three weeks over it. Apparently, charmed as the man is that you thought he's too precious for this world, he is definitely NOT dead." 

Thor notices the banged up car he was leaning next to, "uh this isn't mine. I wasn't driving around was I?" "No you made the kid, Peter drive for you," Pepper assures, "but you kind of made drink with you too."
Right on cue, Peter's head sticks out the widow of the driver's side, "Uh yeah, I'll have a bacon double cheeseburger, with extra cheesy fries, and bacon, and cookies and cream milkshake...with extra cherries. And bacon!" Peter slurs.

"You really need to get back on your feet, Thor," Pepper continues her lecture, "I really think it's high time you move on from Jane." "And how do you suggest I do that?" Thor frowns. "Go out, meet new people, show the world that you're your own man, a new bachelor, only sober this time," Pepper suggests, her phone ringing again, "Ugh, Rami's agent again. Look I have to work on the damage control for that stunt you pulled with that drunken eulogy all while having to make Morgan's breakfast before school. Just try not to drink anymore than you have for the last three weeks. Peter you're in charge, make sure this knucklehead stays out of trouble."
"Hooray! I'm in charge-" Peter hurls in the car before he could finish.