Trapped In Kio Cyr

Chapter 18

"You've got to be fucking kidding, God tell me this is a joke. Are you being-fuck, fuck, fuck," he mumbles into his hands making me cry even more.

"I wanted to tell you a long time ago I promise but I couldn't," I tell him.

"Well the thing is you DIDN'T!" he yells taking his head out of his hands.

"So you're telling me even after the day I caught you two, you continued to- after?" he cries. I nod, my face soaked.

He shakes his head trying not to believe it. I look at him begging that maybe he'll stay here. He gives me a look that's saying, 'I fucking love you but hate you so much and I'm never talking to you ever again.' I put my head signaling I understand. He walks to the door and drives away as fast as he can leaving me soaked in a diner.

All those days. Having the time of our lives loving each other, crying over each other. We loved each other. We trusted each other. It's over, all of it is over. Because of my dumbass. I thought it'd be a good idea to fuck around with Kio and still love Nick. That's not love, it's-it's, selfishness. I only took myself into consideration and never Nick. He probably feels terrible. I cheated on him and gave myself to Kio when it belonged to Nick. He was supposed to be the first guy that ever went down there but it wasn't. It was a guy that I knew nothing about except that he's done that a million times and I knew I loved my boyfriend. How? How could I do that to him. The guy I've loved for such a long time.

I'm crying so much right now in a fucking diner. I stand up and walk to my house in the pouring rain crying the whole way there. I remember how amazing the night started then how tragic it ended. I allowed myself for that to happen, I remind myself. When I get home I'm soaked. I run into my room and strip then practically run to the shower. I run my hands over my body remembering Kio's touch. I hate how good it makes me feel even when it's not on me. But this was for Nick to touch not him. I lean on the shower wall crying and shaking. I wanna die.

I've never been that dramatic but my heart hurts so much. Why do I feel like this? I can't be without him. It hurts too much.

When I turn off the water I wrap myself in a towel and look at myself in the mirror. I look awful. I grab one of Nick's sweater and put it on. The scent brings me to tears immediately. I wipe them off and put some sweatpants on. I decide to spray some facial stuff on me to make me feel and look more fresh.

I get my stuff ready for tomorrow then go downstairs for some ice cream. I fall asleep cuddling with a teddy bear Nick bought me for Valentines Day and watching Romeo and Juliet, our favorite movie to watch together.