The Flame (Avengers Fanfiction)

87-To Be So Lonely

Ten Months Ago

"Hey, you wanted to see me?" Pepper says softly as she walks into Pey's bedroom. Sam had let her in and she had made her way upstairs. Her knuckles lightly knocking against the white door before she opened it slowly. The only light in the room was from the window, sunlight streaming through the gauzy curtains. Her sister-in-law was laying on her big bed, hand resting on her stomach.

"Hi Pep." Pey says, her voice both soft and hoarse at the same time. She carefully sat up and Pepper noticed she was wearing one of Steve's shirts. Pepper sat down beside her on the bed, taking in all of the details of her sister, trying to see if anything is extremely wrong.

"I've been thinking a lot and I-I want you to be one that takes care of my children, Pepper. If I go. I don't-I want to know that they'll be in good hands. I don't want to be worrying that they'll have to go through what I did." She says suddenly, tears filling in her eyes. Pepper blinked, surprised, but she didn't question her sister-not in the slightest.

"Of course, Pey. Of course." Pepper responds. Peyton nods, her thumb rubbing circles into her stomach. A tear rolled down her cheek.

"I don't want them to grow up like me, Pepper. I want them to have a good childhood and-and I know you'll give them that." The blonde looks away as she speaks, her eyes on something behind Pepper. Pepper turns around and she sees that Pey is staring at a framed picture of her and Steve.

"I wrote out my will, sent it to the lawyers. Everything is clearly stated, down to my outfit. Full Catholic Church and all of that." Her voice seems faraway and Pepper cannot imagine the pain she's under right now. Peyton doesn't say anything, but Pepper knows she's slipped back under again, like she has been doing since Steve's death. Peyton turns, resting on her side, hand still on her stomach.

She's saying something softly, but she isn't talking to Pepper. She's praying.

-

I walked alongside Steve, just the two of us. Both of us were silent as we moved farther and farther away from our family, from my babies. He had finally set down our baby boy,
letting Natasha carry him off. It was sweet, seeing Steve loving him so much.

"Why don't you want me to die, Steve?" I ask him, stopping in my tracks. My husband turned, those beautiful blue eyes looking down at me. I continue to speak, "I'm okay with it-The kids love Pepper and they'll be okay-Why aren't you?"

"Doll, I want you to be here with us, but I want you to live your whole life. I want you to die when you're old-not like this." Steve responds, his hand reaching out to hold onto mine, "Our boys need you. You're their mom and they need you, Pey."

"Why did you get to leave then, Steve? How is that fair? Why do I have to suffer on earth when you got a quick escape?" I question, pulling my hand away from his. Steve looks down, a sigh escaping his lips.

"I regret leaving you-God, I regret leaving you. I'm an idiot and I should have stayed-but I didn't. I don't want you to regret it like I do-I mean I love being here-loving being here with our son, with your boys-But I miss you so much." Steve confesses, a tear rolling down his cheek as he continues, "I miss Benny and I wish I could have been there when Neddy was born-I miss waking up next to you every morning. I miss your smiles, your complaints- I wish I could go back. I love you. I really do."