tuggoffelees oneshots

thirty four: happy birthday!!!

hi! this was suggested by my good friend pandaabc2000 ! please go follow her and read Shifted it's really good and i think you guys will like it and she's really nice and she's really smart and a good writer and i've learnt a lot from her and she's pretty and
HER BOOK IS REALLY GOOD

those of you who don't care about baking (or humour. or me 🥺) skip to this emoji: 🌸

•human au•

misto pov
it's tugger's birthday! i sneakily climb out of our bed, being extra extra careful not to wake tugger, whose arms i was previously wrapped up in. i smile at that thought as i tip-toe down the stairs.
(ps this is an actual recipe i have memorized, and it's pretty bomb)
i take out everything i need:
sugar
(not butter you broadway idiots)
flour (cake flour, NOT all purpose. it'll taste like bread)
salt
egg whites
cream of tartar
and vanilla extract
first, i take 1 and 3/4 cups of granulated sugar and pour it into our handy dandy food processor (you can also use a blender, just work in increments). this creates superfine sugar. confectioner's/powered sugar is too fine, while granulated sugar is too heavy, so we have to use this bullshit. after the sugar is... thinned? i pick up my 1 cup measuring spoon and remove a cup of my fancy ass sugar to use later.
then i take 1 cup and 2 tablespoons of cake flour, and 1/4 tsp of salt and add it to the leftover sugar, mixing that as well.
i squat down and open the cupboard right below where i'm working, and take out a giant mixing bowl. i put all of the egg whites in and mix with a hand mixer because we can't afford a standing one. i have to stand there and mix the egg whites with 1 and 1/2 teaspoons of the cream of tartar for a whole minute. once it's foamy and gross, i add that extra 1 cup of fancy sugar and mix that 'till it forms soft peaks. no one ever knows what those are, so here we go. soft peaks are when you pull the mixing utensil up, the mixture stands for a sec and then falls over. stiff peaks would be if they don't fall over (eg: stiff peaks are the consistency of whipped cream).
finally, i can add the 1 & 1/2 teaspoons of vanilla and mix that 'till i can't see it anymore. before i put it back in its cupboard, i take a deep inhale, desperately trying not to let my eyes roll back into my head. god that shit smells like crack tastes. wait...
i reach in the same bowl cupboard for the sifter. most sifters look like a really annoying strainer/cullender, with really small holes, but ours is basically a tin can with a crank attached to another piece of aluminum that moves shit around or something. anywho. i hold the 'sifter' over the bowl and pour about 1/3 of the flour to be first for its trial.
after all the flour has properly gone through a bunch of aluminum, i stick out my tongue in concentration, tipping the bowl with the flour mixture over the bowl of egg whites and other stuff. i gently shake it until it's all been safely reunited with its forever buddy. i make sure to add it in bit by bit though, we don't want it getting too clumpy! i fold (that's the baking term for "take a spatula and stick it in at the side and bring the bottom to the top (👀) a few times") the flour part with the eggy part.
ah, the batter is all mixed together. finally!!! i drag the 9-10 inch (👀👀) tube pan (it's basically a bowl with a little tower in the middle. look up "bunt cake" and it's the same pan that person would've used) over and pour the batter in evenly. once it's all in, i gently tap the pan on the counter, making sure to get the bubbles and stuff out, but still being quiet so tugger doesn't wake up!
the oven had been preheated to 325° F, so i put that sucker in, without burning my hands off. time to wait almost 45 minutes! i walk by the counter, picking up every dish and utensil i used, and tossing it straight into the dishwasher. then, i take a damp cloth and drag it over the surface.

🌸 those of you who don't care about baking skip here! 🌸

about 35 minutes later, a very loud beeping noise erupts from a little white cylinder. fuck. it's the smoke alarm! i reach as high as i can, but i can't get it! tugger always gets it for me! dammit! fuckkkk! my first instinct is to grab a broom and smack the shit out of it which, unsurprisingly, doesn't make the beeping stop and tugger walks briskly down the stairs and calmly presses the button that turns the sound off.
"you trying to burn me alive?" says an adorably sleepy tugger, sitting at the kitchen table.
"no just baking." i say, opening the oven to stab my masterpiece with a toothpick. nothing sticks to the oversized splinter, so we're good. i put of some oven mitts and, with great concentration, safely move it to the counter. to let it cool.
"what did you make?" he asks curiously.
i sit down at the table beside him, smiling. "birthday angel's food cake for my birthday angel!!"
for a second, i could've sworn he was blushing, but every thought i've ever had goes 'poof!' because, for those of you wondering, he leans forward and kisses me!
i kiss him back, letting him snake his hands around me, while i do the same to his hair. it's so soft and... grab-able.
ay this is prolly gonna get sorta nsfw so uh yea
tugger pulls me into his lap, and i wrap my legs around him. i take a wild guess and conclude that he liked this, because he made this sort of growl-y "mmph" noise.
he pulls away and puts his hand on my cheek, dragging his thumb along my cheekbone. i lean into his touch, wanting that more than anything right now.
slowly, tugger leans back in and starts kissing my collarbone. now and then, he gets too needy and his teeth close slightly around the sensitive skin, but he apologizes by licking those spots over. this, obviously, is amazing, and i roll my hips against his, wanting more friction. eventually, he bites harder, and i sigh every time.
oh, but then that godforsaken beeping goes off again.
"i though you- mmh- turned it off," i mutter.
tugger stops kissing me and looks up. "i did."
i come to a realization "i left the fucking oven on."