♦️Joúe's book of Thoughts♦️

50

You wanna know what it's like to be me.... trying so hard to keep up and have what little senses of what people define as free. Where people are trying to make the most of what the have...I faced unforeseen tragedy and literally lost half of what I had. To you it may not look as bad but that shit made me so mad. Reality hit too and some moments it tends to make me feel sad. This feeling was twisted...I wanted the doctor to take away the other half to but he continued his work cause my mother insisted. Doctor said I can bring him back but he may be mistreated but nothing conquers all like a mother's love cause she said 50 is alright so long add he's not defeated.

Most of my school days were a pain...I hated them. Usually went back to my mom to cry n wimp she'd ask me why n i said because these guys keep laughing at my limp. I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS SHIT!!! Ya'll even went as far as tearing my down n called me the misfit. All I ever wanted to do was fit in but I should have known that I would have been a joke from the moment I walked in. I should also take my fair share of the blame...trying to best I can be in this malicious game. Went all out but ended up looking lame. I also had or have these nasty relapses. Its like another person comes out cause of my screwed up synapses. I almost forgot the untraceable temper flares...when bs smacks you in the face n cant help but have a glare or low key get revenge cause I felt shit wasn't fair.

Wanna know what the number is for? I had an accident and it made me dumb down to 50% functionality yet sometimes I feel like I'm losing more. It gets bad cause during some moments I even hit the floor. It gets me so blonde and miss things like pushing so hard yet I was supposed to pull the door. Definitely not my finest moment. Or that thing I have when I see nice eyes that my heart rockets....hopeless. its wild cause one side is stronger than the other yet the other side is more flexible than the other. My feet drag but that's what I get when one side has like a 2 second lag. Starting to think that I don't have this in the bag.

I'm doing it again. Ranting on and on about how much I've been through pain. I mean I'm sorry but what else do I have to lose but though I low key want to try a bottle of booze. I get it negative energy is bad and its nothing you should use. You'd be surprised of its perks it's made me not to have a short fuse. I may be running on fifty but for that someone I'll always keep it one hunnid. Honestly I was young...so at that time i really dont know what had happened. I've been making breakthroughs at being happy but I'll find it hard to believe cause of some of the people I trusted. I'm a good person if you look passed the goofy behaviour and awkwardness that hits you at first sight. Running at 50 made a lot of people hit me with a left but I've been learning and I'll definitely come back and hit you right so you flop to the ground and cant stand up to finish the fight. Well despite feeling shitty...I'm glad I made it this far only running on 50.