TARNISHING HER PURITY

chapter 52: Apologies

Maze POV:

Staying here on the rooftop looking up at the stars with JB is the most free and happy I've ever felt in my life. I never understood why I was always so drawn to him or why he was so attached to me but now as I lie here with him by my side it all makes sense. No matter what I do or what I say he will never give up on me. He could've forgotten about me, he could've moved on and left me but no he stayed by my side even though I ran away from him. I've never admitted that I love him but I always knew that he loved me and yeah I did use it to my advantage and Yeah I did take it for granted. I lie on my side so I can have a better view of him but he doesn't notice as he's fast asleep. Am I weird for watching him sleep? I mean it's not like he never did this to me right? Even though it's been years since I last looked at him like this he hasn't changed a single bit. How could I ever leave this man behind?

"What? Why are you looking at me" JB asks me catching me off guard, I quickly sit up surprised that he's actually awake. I cross my legs and stare down at him with a smile on my face. I didn't want to wake him up but his sleepy face is so cute that I can't help but smile. How did I never notice this about him before? I just want him to go back to sleep, he looks peaceful and happy when he's asleep. I'm not there to stress him out when he's asleep.

"You're not asleep?" I ask him with a frown on my face feeling guilty for disturbing him. I sigh as I look down at him only for him to sit up and place his hand on my cheek making me feel some type of way. Just his hand on e has an effect on me, it makes me feel vulnerable and safe in some weird way. I've never felt this way when Miles touched me and I guess I should've seen that as a sign that he isnt the one for me.

"I was but then I felt this strong glare on me" he answers me with a smile on his face, you know that cute smile that he has that makes his eyes disappear. I miss that smile the smile that just lights up my world without even doing anything. I dont think there is anyone else on this earth who has a smile like that.

"Sorry didn't mean to wake you up" I quickly respond as I look down at my fidgeting hands feeling extra guilty for disturbing him. I can't help but feel guilty and unworthy when I'm around him. Finding out that he never moved on, that he never stopped loving me even though I was out here playing pretend makes me feel like a shit person. He was right I dont deserve him, I just cause him pain and suffering.

"Why were you staring? Is there something on my face?" He bombards me with questions snapping me our of my thoughts. I look at him with a smile on my face knowing that the only reason he asked me was to stop me from overthinking and to change the subject. "A bug?" He questions making me giggle remembering how hes so scared of bugs.

"No, I was just staring like how you stare at me" I tell him with my arms folded across my chest catching him off guard. He scoffs at me before brushing his hair out of his face and glaring at me with his intense eyes.

"I do not stare at you-"

"Er yes you do you've done it since I was like 14 on the train you weirdo" I cut him off and say making him open his eyes wide and look at me like I'm making things up. I remember the first time I used the train JB and Mark were in the same carriage as me and I was so scared of them both but then JB caught my eye and smiled at me. The whole train ride I was so scared because I could feel his eyes on me.

"I'm not, I used to look and you just happened to be there I wasn't staring" he responds defending himself making me roll my eyes at his stupid excuse. So no matter where I sat he just happend to be looking in the same direction. I used to think that he wanted to kill me but years later I discovered that he was just a paedophile.

"You're such a bad liar" I laugh at him as I slap his shoulder and laugh even harder as I clutch onto my stomach. He just glares at me as I roll on the floor laughing but mainly laughing at the dumb expression he has on his face.  "Don't try to lie again its embarrassing" I tease him.