TARNISHING HER PURITY

Chapter 55: Team Up

Maze POV:

Seeing all the boys together laughing and reminiscing on the past makes me want to cry. I keep on pinching myself trying to see if I'm dreaming, checking if this is not all just in my imagination. The fact that this moment right now is real both makes me happy but also makes me scared. I'm happy that we are all back together having fun, my life was only meaningful when they stepped into it and the fact that I left them thinking that I was protecting them really breaks my heart. But the fact that this moment is real means that we have to fight again. Why is it whenever the boys are at their happiest I have to come along with my problems and ruin the mood. I want to cry out of happiness but also out of fear, too scared to think about if one of them gets hurt or even worse dies.

If any of them die because of me... I might as well die alongside them.

"Come on Maze what's with the long face?" Yugyeom asks me bringing me back to reality. I've been so lost in my thoughts that I've completely forgotten that they are sitting right in front of me. They all look at me with their curious eyes making me clear my throat. I don't want to ruin the mood with my dark thoughts but I don't want them ruining their lives either.

"Yeah, aren't you happy to see us all?" Mark asks me as he stands up and opens up his arms for a hug but JB glares at him making him sit back down hugging himself. I smile at the sight remembering how jealous JB would get whenever me and Mark were next to each other.

"No, yes I am I'm so grateful for you guys" I let them know with a smile on my face as I begin to rub my hands on my thighs trying to think of the nicest way possible to tell them that I dont want them to be here.

"Oh no I feel like a but is coming" Bambam sighs as he rubs the back of his neck. All the boys look at me waiting for me to speak up but I cant seem to form the words in my mouth. It's like the words are at the tip of my tongue but I wont open my mouth. I want to tell them I'm sorry and that I care for them but I dont want them to be here fighting for me.

"But the reason is just wrong" I finally speak up and say with a frown on my face as I look down at my hands and sigh. I'm too ashamed to look them in the eyes and say it because I dont deserve them even acknowledging my existence after everything I've put them through.

"If you think about it if it weren't for you then we wouldn't be here" Namjoom says trying to lighten up the mood making the rest of the boys murmur amongst themselves and agree but it seems so forced.

"Yeah but if I didn't do the things I did in the past then we wouldn't have to fight again" I tell them trying my best to hold back the tears. This all started because of me because I thought I was big and bad enough to save everyone on my own. Just because I gained confidence for breaking myself out from GDs house I thought that I was untouchable but then Sehun came and put me in my place.

"Maze it's not a big deal" Mark responds as he shrugs his shoulders casually and for some reason that just makes me so angry. Why are they not shouting at me? Why do they not hate me because I hate myself. I hate myself because they care so much about me and would do anything even though I dont want them to.

"But it is though" I say as I let the tears stream down my face. This time it's different, this time they have a lot to lose including their lives. "You have a wife and kids, you have a baby on the way, you have a restaurant I cant let you risk your lives for me" I continue as I point at each and every one of them feeling so guilty.

"I know what you mean Maze and I was thinking the same thing but knowing the boys they're just happy to have a reason to fight again" JB finally speaks up as he pulls me closer in towards him and places his arm around my waist. He wipes away my tears but that doesn't stop me from crying. We could've been so happy.