HIM OR ME ✓

Chapter 45

~~~~~~~~Closure happens right after you accept that letting go and moving on is more important than projecting a fantasy of how the relationship could have been~~~~~~~~~

Third POV:

Jungkook couldn't do anything but stare out the window of his bedroom, reminiscing the time he was with Y/N on one rainy day. It was the first time he realized that he fell for her deeply.

He knows how much Y/N hates thunder as it reminds her of the awful nights that she cries to bed. The nights where her father created new scars on her body and her pretty face. The nights where she cry over her mother's disappearance. Thunder symbolizes her traumatic life as it roars out loudly between the misty sky.

Y/N was crying in the corner of her room on that rainy day. They were only high schoolers. Jungkook went into Y/N's room with some cookies and banana milk. He was planning to watch movie with her, but he stopped at his track as soon as he heard someone sniffling. He slowly walked toward Y/N as her red eyes pierce through him. She was sad and alone. Without thinking, Jungkook quickly wrapped his arms around her and wipe her tears. She was like a little innocent puppy in his arms that does not deserve to have awful treatments from the world. He wanted to protect her at all cost. That's when he realized that his heart started beating in insane beats. But he didn't know what he felt back then. But now, he knows.

The raindrop slowly drip on Jungkook's window as he started to worry about Y/N. Will she be okay now? Is she alone and scared now? Is it right for him to engulf her in his arms and calm her down? All sorts of question floats in his mind as Areum came into his room with a cup of hot chocolate.

He really appreciates Areum for taking care of him during this awful time of his breakup. Its not fair how he never get to be with Y/N. He had the chance but blew it. The world is never fair to him. He thought.

"Kook, you've been down lately. Do you want to see Y/N?" Areum softly ask as she stroke his hair gently, showing affection for Jungkook to see her like Y/N.

"I do want to see her. But I can't. What if her condition get worse? I can hurt her anytime, Areum. I don't want to risk it," Jungkook sigh as Areum give a fake smile. She was happy that Jungkook is with her, but she dislike the fact that Y/N is still on his mind.

"I'll be there with you if you decide to see her. I'll build up the courage to meet her, Kook. I'll do it for you," she smiles. Areum was planning to show Y/N her achievements over the past few months. She wanted to show how Jungkook become has come to rely on her. She wanted to show how Jungkook would always listen to her words. And she use this chance to show off to Y/N.

"Thanks, Areum. You are the best. I can't imagine myself without you in this state. If you're not here for me, I know I would've lose myself," Jungkook genuinely confessed as he look into Areum's eyes.

"I'll settle a dinner with her. We can talk everything through it. I don't want to see you like this, Kook. Sometimes I wish I'm Y/N so I can ease your pain." Areum hold Jungkook's large hands rub his palms.

"Don't say that, Areum. I'm happy with you too," Jungkook tries to comfort Areum but she shocked her head.

"No, you're not. Was it really love that you felt for her? or was it some kind of sympathy or pity that turns you into this? Did you really love her?" Areum ask, trying to fake a smile. She really wanted to know his feelings, but she doesn't want to show her true intentions either.

Jungkook was speechless. He doesn't know what Areum was saying. He was sure that it was love, but he also feel sympathy. He doesn't like the horrible events that happened in Y/N's life. He wished it was him who has to suffer. Is this love?

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have ask that. I was just curious and I just want to help you out," Areum quickly apologized as she saw Jungkook looking at her speechless. 

Jungkook nodded his head as he take the hot chocolate from Areum and took a sip. He was so confused at this point. He knows that Paris was so messed up. It was the place they shared their first kiss, sex, and breakup. It was heaven and hell at the same time. 

"I think you should move on, Kook. Find a girl that can never hurt you like she does. Find a girl that is completely normal without any traumatic past. Find a strong girl," Areum told Jungkook before she left his room. 

Jungkook was thinking about Y/N and his true feelings for her. Was  it love? Or was it years of commitment to protect her and sympathies. He really doesn't know. She was strong in his eyes, but after Areum saying those words. Was Y/N really strong? If she is, will she even have schizophrenia? He thought as his mind was fill with Y/N. 

Meanwhile

Y/N's POV: 

I hate raining days. And the sound of thunder makes me want to dig a hole and bury myself in it. I hate it. It reminds me of the awful days. 

I heard a knock on the door, but I don't have the strength to walk as I shiver in fear of thunder. Please don't hit me. Please don't leave me. Please let me live. I keep begging quietly as I curled up into a ball on my bed. 

"Sorry, I broke into your house again," A man apologized as he walk into my bedroom, but I don't move at all. I can't. My whole body is shivering and shaking. Please don't come near me. 

Jungkook. Jungkook. Jungkook. Please, I need him. Where is he? Please hug me. Please save me. I need you more than anything right now. They are going to hurt me again, Jungkook. Please help me. 

I look at the man in front of me. He look confused but as soon as he saw my teary eyes, his face softened. Please don't come near me. GO away!

"Y/N...are you okay?" The man put his hand on my shoulder but I violently yank it away. 

The man look hurt but he covers it with a fake smile. "I'm here, you're safe now. I'll protect you," the man told me but I shook my head. No, only Jungkook can.  

"I need Jungkook. Where is he? Where is he?!!" I started to cry again. All I need is him as I started to imaging my dad taking out his belt to beat me to death. 

The man shook his head as he started to frown. Why is he giving me that face? Why is he here? Isn't he like the rest? Didn't he come to make fun of me?

"I'm not Jungkook, but I can be better than him. Please just give me a chance, Y/N" He told me, nearly begging me to look at him. 

I can't. I can't let anyone come into my life except Jungkook. I need him. I love him. I want him. Only him. 

TO BE CONTINUED...