Quarantined together | c.c & s.m

33

Camila's POV

We were sitting at the table eating lunch together. Well... I didn't really eat I just picked around in my food, not feeling really hungry. I was too focused on finishing and perfecting the dance video. "Mila, eat." Shawn whispered, not wanting to grab anyones attention but I could feel my moms eyes on me. So I shoved some food onto my fork and forced it into my mouth. "Camila." my mom said serious. I just rolled my eyes and put another fork into my mouth. I hesitantly ate the food, taking small bites. I don't know why I was being like this again... it's just... sometimes I just shut down... when I want something to be perfect.... when I don't want people judging me... I stop caring about my well being... just like right now. I know it's stupid... but thats just how I am.

"Can I go and finish the video now?" I asked when I put my plate away. "Camila... I don't th-" "I need to send it until 6 pm mama... and it's not good... I don't have a perfect shot..:" I said annoyed. "Camila, there are some good shots an-" "No. Good ones but none are perfect." "Stop it Camila. Seriously. Not again. I am going to text Sara and Calvit and tell them that you are going to send it until tomorrow." "Bu-" "No but's Camila. You're done for today... I don't like how you are acting right now." She argued, taking her phone and sending a text to Sara. Shawn just stood there, watching. I huffed and walked outside after grabbing my phone from the counter. I walked over to the little summer house and sat once again behind it, watching the huge field behind the fence. A few seconds later, Shawn sat down beside me. "Mila..." "Hmm..." he wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer. "Whats up, baby?" He asked softly. "I... I don't know..." I admitted, not really knowing what was up with me today. "It's okay baby." he said, gently rubbing my arm. I put my head on his shoulder and a hot tear rolled down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away with my hand and sniffled quietly. "Baby... stop... I love you." he said, looking down at me. "I - I love you too...." I said back. I just needed to calm down. I closed my eyes, hoping to be in a better mood later.

"Baby, it's getting cold, let's go inside, alright?" Shawn woke me up softly. "Mhmh.." I mumbled, still not fully awake after my short slumber. "Alright." He said and stood up, the loss of contact immediately making my body shiver. Then, I felt his arms under my legs and behind my back, lifting me up. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hurried my face in his chest. "Sleep baby." He whispered, carrying me back to the house and upstairs. When he placed me on the bed, I opened my eyes. "Thanks." I whispered, looking at him. He was pulling off his shirt. "What time is it?" I asked, having completely lost sense of time. "It's.... 7:26 pm" he said, looking at his phone that he pulled out of his pocket. "What?!" I said, shooting up from the bed. "I- the video- it should have been- I sai-" "Mila, it's okay.... your mom texted them... calm down..." Shawn said, immediately coming over to my side, holding my hands. I took a few breaths, calming down before looking back at him. "They said... I could send it tomorrow?" "Yes, they don't want you to stress yourself... neither want I." He smiled softly. They think I need more time.... I cant do anything like I'm supposed to... I stress myself out to easy... they think I'm under pressure... they- "Mila.... hey, calm down, it's okay... I don't know what you're thinking about but just stop... you're okay." He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against him. "Come... I think it's best if you just sleep. Tomorrow is a new day and you have new energies. I can help you film and we can meditate before you start dancing." he said against my hair, laying me back into the bed. "Take these off." He said, slowly pulling off my stretch leggings. I didn't stop him since I was feeling a little hot anyways. He pulled them off and laid down next to me, pulling the blankets over our bodies and big spooning me again. "I love you baby, sleep well." "I love you too, baby." I mumbled, closing my eyes, all thoughts leaving my head.

The next morning came and I was laying awake in bed. Shawn was still lightly holding me and sleeping. I just couldn't find sleep. I had been awake for a few hours and my mind was racing with thoughts. The thought from the previous afternoon weren't on m mind though... it were new thoughts... well... not exactly new... but thoughts that I hadn't have in a few days. Am I enough? For Shawn? For the fans? For my family? It were just small things like that that sometimes enters my mind and didn't leave for quite some time... unfortunately. Like right now... Camila, why are you like that? What the heck is wrong with me? I can be perfectly fine in one moment and suddenly... I am the most self conscious person ever... I can feel incredibly loved in one moment and suddenly... I feel like the most worthless person on this planet and just want to distance myself for a bit. I rolled onto my stomach, a bit away from Shawn so I wouldn't wake him up and rested my head on my arms. I let out a shaky breath into my arms, concentrating on not starting to cry. My breathing got a little uneven and I tried to control it. Maybe I just need a hot shower. I carefully lifted myself up from the bed, grabbed some fresh clothes and walked into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind me. I just need some time to be alone. I undressed myself and stepped into the shower. At first the water was cold and I enjoyed it for a bit. Then I decided to turn it hot... hot. It felt somehow liberating. I thought a lot during the shower and even cried. Why? I don't even know... I really cant explain why I am feeling so... down... I didn't even really feel how hot it was. I didn't notice until after my shower, when I stepped out and looked at myself in the mirror. My skin was pretty red and irritated and my eyes were red and puffy. Yeah, I am pretty dumb. I realized in that moment. I quickly turned on the faucet and washed my face with cold water, hoping to get my eyes to not be red anymore and I also put lotion on my body to stop the reddening of my skin. What am I doing?

After putting lotion on my body I sat on the closed toilet and wiped a bit for the reddening to subside. "Mila?" Shawn knocked on the door. "Yeah?..." "Can I?" "No, I'm not done yet!" I quickly pulled on a fresh pair of leggings and a hoodie so it would barely show any skin. I also put on some makeup to cover my face and walked out. "Morning baby." he smiled, leaning forward and kissing my lips but pulling away soon. "You okay?" he asked, looking at me but I quickly looked down. "Yeah.." "Look at me Mila." he said and when I didn't he put his fingers under my chin, making me look up at him. "You've been crying... why baby?" he can just read me... "I haven't.." "Mila, don't lie... talk to me, I love you." I stayed silent. "Mila.. come on...." he took my hand and lead me to the bed. "Mila... why are you not talking to me? And why are you wearing a hoodie? It's pretty warm to- wait... you didn't... Mila, please tell me you didn't c-" "I didn't Shawn... I swear..." I whispered, not wanting him to think that I had fallen back into old habits. "Why are you wearing this then?" He asked, clearly confused. "Can you take off the hoodie?" He asked unsure. I nodded, grabbing the hem of the hoodie and pulling it over my head. I had a bra underneath. "wow... Mila... your skin so do... red. Why? What happened?" He looked at my red skin, placing his hand on my sides. "I- I showered" "Too hot?" "Yeah..." "Why Mila?" "I- I don't know..." I stuttered. I actually didn't really know... maybe to feel something? I guess.. but he doesn't need to know that... "Come here. It's gonna be okay." He said, pulling me into him. "Want me to put some aloe vera on your skin? It will cool your skin." I nodded and he stood up, getting the lotion from our bathroom. "Pull your leggings down." He told me and I did. He gently rubbed the lotion on my skin and the reddening luckily subsided a little. "Thanks..." I said quietly. "You're welcome." he smiled, leaning forward and kissing me.

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Mila... don't do stuff like that.