Quarantined together | c.c & s.m

49

Here's a picture I took. It looks relaxing to me so here it is.
(This was us flying over Paris)

Camila's POV

It's a horrible feeling... feeling like you're not good enough for someone. Am I ever going to be good enough? Ever? Right now it just doesn't feel like it. Things were kinda good for a few days but right now? It just feels like everything comes crashing back down. And I feel really, really guilty for being the one needing help, AGAIN, after Shawn's breakdown. I am always.... breaking down. Just like this morning. I had a panic attack, again. Shawn was there for me. I was supposed to be there for him but then... I was the one needing help. Shawn is so, so kind... innocent.... sweet. And I am.... broken, scared, anxious.... a burden. And I know that Shawn shows me so so much how much he loves me... but my head plays little nasty games with me, telling me it's lies. It's always the same.

I was laying alone in bed, waiting for Shawn to come out of the shower so I could shower. We were showering separately because I had been sleeping when he went in. But it was okay... I need time to think anyways. I just laid in bed, not taking my phone because that just would make everything worse. I just laid there watching the ceiling and listening to the water running. He was pretty quick and after 5 minutes came out of the shower again. He peeked inside and checked if I was awake. "Hey baby, did you rest a little?" he asked, only a towel around his hips. "Yeah "I said quietly, watching him pull on some boxers and coming to sit by my side. "Are you feeling better?" "I am.... and I'm going to take a shower too, if that's okay." "Sure, go ahead. What do you want to eat?" "Maybe just... some tea and a banana." I said, standing up from the head, grabbing fresh clothes and walking towards the bathroom. "Alright. Hey! Come here." I heard him. I turned around and walked towards him. "What?" "Nothing, I just wanted to do this." He said, kissing my lips two times. "I love you." He then said with a soft smile. "I love you too." I whispered, my eyes getting teary again. "Hey... whats up?" He asked concerned. "I just.... I can't believe that after all.... you love me.... like that." I said quietly. "I never loved anyone more in my life baby." He said, putting a strand of hair behind my ear. "Thank you... I have never loved anyone in my life more than you as well." I said, looking up at him. He kissed me again before saying "Come, let's get ready so we can get your mind off things and do something fun." He smiled. I nodded and walked into the bathroom, not closing the door completely. I stripped down my clothes and before stepping into the shower, I checked myself out in the mirror. Those damn stretch marks... I am so insecure about them. No matter how much lotion I put on them... it just doesn't help. I placed my fingers over them, feeling every line on my thighs. It looks... ugly and it just makes me more imperfect. "Baby... I love these about you." I heard Shawn from behind me, standing my the door. I shook my head. "I do." he came closer, placing both his hands where my stretch marks were. I then turned me around and lifted me up to sit me down on the counter. I leaned down and kissed every one of my stretch marks, trying to show me that he real my loves me with all my imperfections. "I will kiss all your stretch marks around your thighs until you change your mind about yourself." He said softly, coming up to kiss my lips. 'Stretch marks all around my thighs, kiss them till I change my mind' That's why I wrote that verse. He always does this when I struggle with them... this is not the first time but it helps, knowing that he loves the small and big imperfections on my body. "I really, really love you." I said to him. "I do too." He smiled, kissing my nose and getting back up. "And now go and get ready so we can do fun things outside if you want." I smiled, got off the counter and stepped into the shower while he brushed his teeth.

After the shower we settled back into the bed with my tea and a banana to watch a movie together. Today would be a lazy day again. But it's okay. My day didn't start perfect anyways and I want telly up to do anything. We were currently continuing watching Harry Potter because I was really hooked on that movie. I was laying in Shawns arms while eating my banana and holding one of his hands. "Would you like to go to Hogwarts one day?" He suddenly asked. "Yeah... I mean... I would probably get lost because of how big that castle is but still...and you would protect me, right?" I asked, looking up at him. He gave me a small soft smile. "Sure I would." he answered. I hummed, looking back to the TV. Through out the movie it was really hard for me not to fall asleep but I couldn't stay awake anymore so I let my eyes close and fall asleep again his chest. It was a really light sleep because I would wake up after hearing a small sound and I could hear everything around me. So I also heard when mama came into the room, asking if we wanted to eat lunch, which Shawn friendly denied. I wasn't hungry either so I just kept pretending like I was asleep until mama left the room. As soon as I heard the door close I opened my eyes and turned to look at Shawn. "Hey baby." He smiled, placing his hand on my cheek. I answered with a smile. "Are you hungry? Your mom just asked if we wanted to eat lunch... I actually am not hungry but I can get you something if you want." "No thanks, I am not hungry either." I said smiling. "But thanks. I'm just... tired and oddly exhausted." I admitted, not feeling 100% rested. "Are you feeling sick?" He asked immediately, placing his hand on my forehead. "No, no... I think I just haven't slept well..." I said a little more quiet. "It's okay angel, you can just rest for today if you want, I'm gonna stay by your side." he smiled comforting, taking a hair stand and placing it behind my ear. "Thanks." I whispered, snuggling more into his embrace, his hands intertwining with mine in front of my stomach. "I love you." "I love you too, baby." 

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So, so sorry for not updating for so long! But I am back now. I swear.