Quarantined together | c.c & s.m

56

Shawn's POV

I woke up in the middle of the night. A tight feeling in my chest. Camila was sleeping peacefully in my arms so I didn't move too much. I looked over at the clock on Mila's nightstand and saw the time... 4 am. Way too early. I let out a quiet sigh, closing my eyes again and hoping to fall asleep again but the feeling in my chest was keeping awake. I was feeling like I was unable to breath and suddenly my heart started racing. I carefully placed Mila's head on the mattress so I could sit up without her waking up. I sat up in bed and put my hands over my face. This was a feeling I haven't felt in quite a while... but here I was again. I stood up and walked over into the bathroom, closing the door behind me so the light wouldn't wake Mila up. As soon as I closed the door behind me, I started into the mirror, my reflection.... foreign. I haven't felt like this in so long.... and it was scaring me.... I was holding myself up on the sink, face down. I don't know what was wrong.... I was feeling so weak in this moment. When I looked up again, tears were marking my face. I quickly wiped them away, not wanting to look weak, even though I was alone. I even closed my eyes for a bit, hoping to clear my mind but it seemed like the bad thoughts just came rushing in as soon as I closed my eyes. 'If you stay weak, you loose your family.... if you cry in front of people, you'll loose Camila because she will think you're weak.... if you stop singing, people will hate you.... if you don't work out you'll loose fans...' "stop... stop.... stop this...." I said, putting my hands over my ears to stop the thought in my head. Loosing my family... fans... loosing Camila.... I would never be able to live without her. I've become so independent from her that a world without her seems....unthinkable.... More tears had fallen from my eyes.... I let them fall... I was vulnerable but only because I was alone.... right now it seemed impossible to cry in front of Camila or anyone.... I need to get my shit together.... alone.

A cold and small hand pulled me out of my thoughts, making me flinch. "Shawn?" Camilas soft voice brought me back to reality, making me look at the mirror. She was standing behind me, worry etched across her face. "Are you okay baby?" She asked carefully. "I... I- yeah...." I decided to say. I thought back to the thoughts I had had earlier... about loosing Camila if I cry in front of her.... but looking at her made it clear....I am allowed to be vulnerable with her... it were my bad thoughts talking.... it was not real... Camila is real.... she is. the real love I need.... So I turned around, grabbing her cold hand and looking at her. "Baby? Talk to me... please...." She talked again. I just pulled her in, holding her tightly. She squeezed me back and even though it was only a light squeeze, it seemed to pull all my broken pieces back together. Its her I need.... It's always been her....Even last year...during tour when I was so low on self esteem and didn't have motivation to continue touring... only a call from her.... it gave me new energy... We are each others rock....stabilizer... the reason we haven't given up.... the reason we are standing here.... together. "I love you so much Mila.... I cant even describe it... I will never be able to describe it...." I whispered, burying her head in my neck. I could tell she was confused by how long it took for her to finally relax in my arms but when she did, she started stroking my back gently. I had a few tears in my face but tried to let them unnoticed. But when Mila pulled back to look at me, she saw them. "Baby.... what's wrong? Talk to me." She said softly, getting on her tippy toes and kissing my forehead. I just closed my eyes and shook my head gently. I was not ready to talk yet. "That's okay.... come and lay down? Let me hold you." She whispered softly, playing with my loose curls and massaging my scalp, making me relax. I nodded at her suggestion and followed her back to bed. She lifted the covers and pulled them over both our bodies when we were ready. I love how sometimes I can just let her take care of me... she takes so good care of me. I don't know where I would be without her. Instead of me spooning here it was her spooning me. And i loved it. Even though our size difference was huge. It is just adorable. She pressed her bare chest against my naked back and placed gentle kisses on my shoulder while one hand was interlaced with mine and the other was rubbing my shoulders softly. It calmed me enough and I was able to fall asleep immediately, my bad thoughts stopping.

When I opened my eyes again, the room was slightly illuminated by the sun, indicating that it was morning. I could feel Camila next to me, her hair spread on the bed. I smiled when I looked down at her because she was also slightly smiling. She makes me so, so happy.... I would definitely not be who I am now if I hadn't met her almost five years ago. I gently played with her hair without waking her up and kissed her forehead lightly. When I placed a small and soft kiss first on her nose and then on her lips, she woke up... shoot.... I didn't want that. She let out a cute yawn and opened her eyes. At first she had a confused look on her face but when she saw me her expression changed into a smile, making me get a warm and fuzzy feeling... the way she affects me. "Good morning handsome...." She said, placing her hand on my cheek and leaning up to kiss my lips. "Morning beautiful angel...." I smiled after kissing her. "How are you feeling?" She asked right away. Knowing she was asking because of last night, I nodded slightly. "Better... a lot better..." I said quietly. Of course.... those feelings and thoughts don't just go away in a few hours and she knew that so my answer was enough for her. "Thats good... What are you up to today? Do you even want to do anything? I mean... I'm perfectly fine with just staying like this the whole day..." She hummed, closing her eyes and leaning her head against my chest. I put my hand over her head, stroking her hair again. She was listening to my heartbeat and I was listening to her just simply breathing.... My love. "Maybe.... just some stuff at home... are you up for some guitar? I think that would pretty much calm me.... if you want of course... we could even record some stuff just for fun if you like..." I suggested. Playing guitar always takes my mind off things... now doing it with Camila would be the best thing I could do. She nodded, looking up at me with excited eyes. 

So a few hours later we were sitting on the floor in her room, surrounded by microphones and guitars, recording fun stuff which would never get out to the public... they would go crazy.

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WONDER CAME OUT TODAY OMG I LOVE IT SO SO SO MUCH OMG

You are probably seeing this chapter a few days or even weeks after the album has been released but I'm sure I'm still listening to it on repeat.... just like Romance hehe.