Call Me Noona

Chapter 2 - Anticipation (Edited)

I was taking in the sights, smells, and sounds of this new city, but the exhaustion hit me like a ton of bricks, so I started back to the hotel sooner than I had planned. I had sampled many delicious treats along the way, and I was quite full. All I wanted to do when I got back was wash up and snuggle in with Minggom.

I washed up and climbed into bed. I propped myself up with pillows and started watching the latest episode of Monsta X-Ray... season 7. They had brought it back after a few years, and it was as good as you remember. I thought about how I would be breathing the same air as this man, literally, in just a few hours. My insides did a little flip and I giggled like a schoolgirl. There was something about Min that I felt drawn to. 

Although we had some obvious differences, we were both outgoing and set the mood in the room. We both are easily hurt by people close to us. And we both hide it behind smiles and laughter. We are both artists. And we both adore pizza. He is my Ultimate Bias and I could totally fall for him given half a chance. Or a quarter. Or even a millimeter. No man in real life could compare to the image I held of this man. I know it is not fair to put anyone on that high of a pedestal, but that is where Lee Minhyuk sits... my king on his throne. I adore all 7 members, but he holds my heart. 

Then there's Changkyun sometimes. And Hyungwon every now and then. And let's be honest, every last one of them have their moments. But I could watch Minhyuk and listen to him sing for hours. I felt something when I watched Minhyuk. None of the other members had that effect on me. No other man had that effect on me. I hugged my Minggom closer and hung on Min's every word when he spoke, or yelled, or squealed like a sea creature. My Minggom was my security blanket. We have been through a lot together.

The past few years had been hollow and dark. I had simply existed and had no real purpose or drive. I was in a hopeless marriage of almost 15 years and had no confidence that I could survive on my own. I lost all sense of who I was as a person. Before I got married, and even in the earlier part of the relationship, I had dreams. I was not going to let anyone stop me from my goals. I was driven and in control of my life.

As the years bore on, that gradually changed. I let another person tell me how I should behave, how I should dress, how I should live my life. The surrender happened so slowly that I never saw it. My weight got out of control, and I was having health issues. I had given up and did not even realize it. I let him make me feel like I was not worthy of being loved. I let him make me feel like I was not talented. The key words there were that I let him. I finally had the wake-up call that I needed and got out.

And then there was almost losing Wonho. I was a full-on Monbebe already and the attacks were devastating to me. As Monbebe fought alongside each other and tried to protect the guys, I realized how they were facing every day head-on and not letting it rip them apart, at least as far as we could see. It gave me the encouragement and resolve that I needed to heal and start taking care of myself again. 

Three years and minus 50 pounds later, I was looking great and feeling even better. I still had a bit to go according to my doctor, but I was happy with myself for the first time in years. I wasn't trying to become model-thin, I just wanted to be healthy and get off the medications. I spent most of my time in business attire, so a new casual wardrobe was needed before the trip. Nikki had taken me shopping and I had the perfect outfits for my events.

As I settled in, I took a few minutes to post some photos from my walk on my social media. I had not posted that I had won the contest. There would be too much begging for autographs and selcas from some of my online friends. The only person I was close enough to tell was my best friend, Nikki. So, I just let people assume I had simply taken a vacation to South Korea. After it was over, I would share the details. Maybe.

Exhaustion took over and I plugged my phone in, turned off the TV, and snuggled into the incredibly comfortable bed with Minggom. I dreamt of Minhyuk. It was a familiar dream, one that I had often. We were walking along a cherry blossom-lined path, hand-in-hand. His smile was brilliant when he turned to look at me. I felt warm, safe, and complete. I always felt happy when I woke up from this dream. I always tried to remember more of it, but that was all I ever got.