K - "But you do.. aansu anjaan k liye nhi aate"
S - "I don't"
K - "You still love him, of course you care"
S - "I don't."
K - "You don't love him?! Yeh mazaak toh mat hi kr mere saath"
"I love him but I don't care. Mera pyaar matlabi nhi hai, I don't love him because he loves me, I love him for him and I always will. Yehi sbse buri baat hai. I know I can never get over him. Not even a chance. Ek baar ho gya toh ho gya fir chahe criminal se hi sahi. Jo kuch bhi ho jye pyaar nhi chodungi lekin usne woh kbhi samjha hi nhi. He left me because of what other people said and did. Ab agar waapas aagya toh mai paagal nhi hu ki chali jaun" I murmur more for myself than him.
K - "Tujhe clear toh krna chahiye? dekh abhi mujhe aise dekh raha hai jaise event k baad maar hi dega"
S - "Kar bhi skta hai. Uske gusse ka kuch nhi pta, baaki feelings ho na ho gussa bohut clear hai"
Kh - "Oye mujhe bola ki dance k baad baat krna aur khud dekh nhi nhi rahi meri taraf? 2 minute baat krle na?"
"Haye sorry, tu bol na? Kya hua? Calls krne kyun band kiye?" I ask walking over to where he stood as Karan excused himself. Khushal looked at me with the same confused face.
Kh - "Maahi ne kaha ki tune mnna krne ko bola mujhe aur Jai ko"
"Kya?! Maine kbhi bhi nhi bola yeh.. mujhe toh lga ki tum dono ne Sid..Sidharth ki wajah se" I respond not being able to muster his name properly. I myself shook mentally. His name used to roll off of my tongue with such ease, ecstasy. Like a drug I couldn't get enough of. And in the end... overdosed. Damaged myself collecting him. I still remembered trying to fix him and his drinking problems. He'd never cheat.. but girls took advantage of him drunk. All the FUCKEN time. And I... well I stuck along. Trying to fix someone who kept pulling his problems back while pushing the solutions away.
"Woh toh khud puchta tha tere baare, woh kyun mnna krega? Vaise nhi humare beech uske alag se bhi rishta tha. You were my best friend. Meri saari problems ka no 1 solution, lekin shayad main woh nhi bnn paaya. Nhi toh party se jaane se pehle tu batati mujhe, dono milke Muh tod Te saale ka." He said pulling me back into the reality. I smiled, genuinely. Somewhere within it felt like I was getting myself back, piece by piece. First Jai bhai and now my partner in crime. I gave him a hug letting it linger for a few seconds. "Usse chhod mujhe nhi baat krni uski abhi toh Maahi ka muh todungi main. Mere Bhai aur bestie ko door bhejne wali hoti kaun hai woh?"
Kh - "Ek minute ruk ja, DDLJ ki Simran mat bnn, train nhi chhut rahi hai. Meri baat sun, Sidharth se baat krle? "
M - "No way! Isiliye mnna krti thi in ko. Yeh kyun baat kre jaa kr? Jab chhodne se pehle nhi socha toh ab bhi zaroorat nhi hai. "
J - "Maahi.. ek baar-"
"Nhi, woh sahi keh rahi hai. Main nhi karungi aur krni bhi nhi chahiye. He's no one to decide when to come and go from my life. Baat krni thi toh 5 saal mein bohut chances thi. Nhi ki na? Aur vaise bhi yaha mein engagement k liye aayi hu, iske baad main chli." I say taking a deep breath and analyzing the information I was just given. I couldn't even be mad at Maahi. There's no way. She was the only one there for me. Her and Baaz. I didn't mind letting her make some of my decisions because just as she'd thought. Here they were trying to push me back. I smile at Karan who ran back over holding Ruhi, his sisters daughter. I'd grown close to her like all kids. My heart broke again at the thought. I'd have to see Riyan, Riyaz and Raunak if I stayed through the wedding functions. Along with Preeti and Neetu di... Maa.
K - "Shehnaaz?! Isko pakarh, kise tera naam cheek rahi hai udhar baith ke. Mere se zyada toh tujhe pasand krti hai, family ki value hi nhi hai"
"Tujhe vaise bhi koi pasand nhi krta" I scoff taking the baby from his arms. She was honestly the most adorable creature on earth. The pink pouty lips and big beautiful hazel eyes with the small button nose and rosy cheeks. Absolutely scrumptious. I lightly sucked against her cheek making it redder than it already was. She cooed in response slapping her arms against my shoulder on either side of my neck before snuggling closer. I almost physically melted at the gesture.
Sidharth -
I stood behind them a few feet apart. Closely watching how they'd once again become the same family we once were.. but I was replaced. Karan.. Karan Singh, I still remembered how obsessed he used to be with Shehnaaz even when she was with me. She'd never notice but I did. And obviously hated it to the core but back then I could do something about it. Hold her hand and keep her in my arms the whole day, shoo him away or even keep her away, now; let's just say he had the upper hand. Watching her play with the toddler in her hands reminded me of all the conversations we'd had about kids. Their names were even decided.
Flashback :
S - "Main apne bachon ka naam kuch aisa rakhungi jo seedha yaha baje"
Si - "Khanjar rakhle"
I chuckled as she smacked my arm off of her giving me a glare as if she'd fight me off like one of her fight club opponents.
S - "Ladka hua toh Zorawar rakhungi - "
"Kis ex ka naam tha yeh?" I teased and like usual a pillow was whipped against my face. "Kutta, warrior type naam hai yeh. Ex ka naam kyun rakhungi apne bete ka?"
Si - "Beti huyi toh?"
S - "Hyee... kuch sundar sa naam rakhungi, cute sa mtlb saare leke naam sun ke hi fidah. Bohut zyada pyaar karungi uski toh, meri princess. Zeenat..
Ya fir Paakhi. Agar Zeenat rakha toh dono bacho ke naam Z se honge aur "
Si - "Humare S se, lekin mtlb kya hai iska? "
She blushed crimson the moment I said the first part of my sentence. I chuckled pulling her cheek softly before pecking it. "Zeenat ka mtlb beauty, jaise decoration aur jewelry beauty enhance krti hai vaise , aur Paakhi ka pure, flower ki trah."
I rubbed away the tears threatening to stream from my eyes. I'd lost all of that. Every single bit. The fights, the love, the tender kisses or even simply waking up with her cuddled into me. How she'd never shy away from pampering me, never using the stereotype that men don't need all of that. It was so easy for her too, she did it without a second thought. I walked away meeting a few people around not in the mental state to keep admiring. I saw her family too, I gave them an unreturned smile. I walked away stopping when I heard her mom call.
SM - "Sidharth? Ruk ja puttar, baat krni thi tere se"
I nod not knowing why she'd stopped me knowing what I'd put her daughter through.
SM - "Mujhe nhi pta ki tune Kya kiya tha ya kyun kiya tha, lekin tere jaane k baad se meri Shehnaaz kho gyi hai. Woh khush hi nhi rehti. Dekh aaj tak Kbhi kuch maanga nhi terese aur na hi aage Kbhi maangungi lekin yeh poora krde please?"
Si - "Mu- Aunty aap aise mat bolo, aap sirf kaam batau"
SM - "Dekh main yeh nhi kahungi ki usse Kbhi mil mat ya uske saamne aana band krde bas itna krde ki woh firse pehle ki trah ho jye. Mere se yeh haalaat mein nhi dekha jaata usko aur sab ki trah mujhe bhi pta hai ki yeh sirf tu kr skta hai. 3 mahine hai tere paas, jo krna hai kr. Uske baad toh vaise bhi Karan se Shaadi krni hi hai. Usse roka huya hai Sana ne lekin uske papa ab aur zyada nhi rukenge. Rita ji ne btaya tha ki tu bhi kaise mayus firta hai. Main nhi chahti ki poori zindagi aise hi nikle. Baaki ab tu dekh. Marzi hai"
She left leaving me with a hundred questions. Why was my mom constantly saying they weren't in touch if she'd talked to her mother? There was no way she hadn't talked to Shehnaaz then. Aur shaadi?! Why in the world was she getting married in 3 months?! Maybe she did move on.... but-
I looked back up to where they stood. Now only her and Karan along with the baby in her arms. I could see them looking at her mother who'd now reached the bench back with her family. Other than the dance and the hug when he'd come they hadn't even been too close. Not like a couple who was going to get married in a few months. And the way they talked when he'd arrived in between there discussion about me, none of it seemed like they were more than friends. If that..
"Teri yaadon mein likhe jo lafz dete hai sunayi
Beetay lamhe poochte hai kyun hue aise judaa
Khuda, khuda mila jo ye faasla hai
Khuda tera hi ye faisla hai
Khuda hona tha woh ho gaya
Jo tune tha likha"
