I land immediately moving to the hospital Khushal had found him at. We restrained from telling Maa until we knew he was fine ourselves. All we knew right now was that he'd gotten into an accident. I'd cried the whole flight here, my eyes and mind both numb from all of the thoughts I'd let into it. Today was supposed to be a good day, a wash over from all the bad memories this day brought along. Baaz drove the car over to pick me up before he himself got to the airport. I sat numb, tears still running down my face thinking of why he still couldn't keep his cool. He knew what was going to happen in the interview, I'd already told him before that it would be highlighted but perhaps it was the look on Veers face that threw the both of us off, or perhaps how he wouldn't deny it. The past week had been everything but confusions. I'd sorted myself out, I needed him back just as much as he needed me. Wanted it the same. But of course the fact that he'd ever done all of that just because of a misunderstanding hurt. So I dealt with it the only way I knew. Deciding to give it back the same way. I decided to let the intimate shoot happen, knowing it'd piss him off to his limits. But was it really something I could be blamed for? He was mad over watching me on screen with someone, something totally unavoidable in our career, but I? I saw him do the same in real life, not to mention the fact that I lost him after the same. Perhaps I was being selfish... maybe just maybe it was the worst idea I'd ever come up with but it was what it was. We'd both done the mistakes, learnt from them too. I ran into the hospital taking the stairs up to his floor, having had too much already to be patient for the elevator. Khushal stood outside his room, head resting against the wall, clearly tired after the 4 hour drive around he'd done. His eyes opened finding me standing in front of him panting from the run I'd just taken. "Theek hai na woh? Doctor ne kya bola? Main jaa skti hu na Andar? Khushal?!" I cry not liking the fact that he wasn't responding. He pulled me into a hug the next second. Letting out the tears I knew were over due. "Har saal Yeh horsehair sanu. Har saal. Mujhe tha ki is saal nhi karega lekin..... critical hai agle 2-3 ghante mein hosh- hosh Nhi aay-a toh"
I hush him before he said another word already broken hearing the new live of information. I kept myself busy on this day, interviews, shoots, concerts, anything but sitting at home. Never had I even imagined that he was doing this on the other hand. I hated myself for making the guilt even deeper with things I'd said this whole week. He didn't deserve that. Not even an ounce of it. I sent Khushal and Baaz home, making them leave to tell the parents, the only excuse I could come up with to make them leave and let myself crash the shield I was trying to hold up. I walked into the room sitting on the stool beside his pale body, his forehead was wrapped with a bandaid, the blood from below oozing right beneath it. His right arm and left ankle were wrapped too, clearly having injured them midst the accident. The clothes he wore before lay in the corner of the room, the pink tank from before drenched in the stench of alcohol. There was a small stain of blood right around his stomach too,I hoped from his arm only. I pulled out his phone, bursting into tears the next second. My name was still saved as the same from years before, the wallpaper the exact same as well. My eyes clouded, running my finger over the screen I put it back down with his clothes letting my head drop against his stomach, the tears instantly growing speed. Why was life so hard on us? We could've easily been having dinner with the family or even just the two of us right now. Easily having decided to keep all of that in the past and move on. With each other this time. I sighed taking his hand in mine and pressing my lips against his knuckles, holding it as close to me as I could get it.
"Main hoon bethikana
Panaah mujhko paana
Hai tujhme, de ijazat
Na koi darmiyaan
Hum dono hai yahan
Phir kyun hai tu bata
Faasley..."
I moved outside with a nurse half an hour later, he was starting to wake up. Almost completely out of danger for the most part. I'd already talked to the doctor about the rest. He needed complete bed rest for the next 3 weeks, the bones in both his hand and ankle needing to resurface to their initial position before he could do any kind of movement. The medicines, although many weren't too hard to find, allowing me to get back to the room right after and also let Maa know that he'd be home the next morning. I didn't want her to see him here. No matter how mad she was, she was a mother. That too an extremely emotional one. I couldn't dare let her come here. I moved back to the room only to find him now completely awake and seemingly sober of the hell lot of alcohol he'd had. I put away the medicine setting up the bed knowing the food would be right on its way. He hadn't had much, resulting in the complete downfall of alcohol in his system. I could tell he was surprised to see me here but he didn't say a word, clenching his jaw, the hurt and anger clear in his eyes. I'd already figured he'd seen the interview along with the teaser of course but not in a thousand years had I imagined to not even get a surprise greeting. Or at least acknowledge my presence here. I gave up 5 minutes later. The fruit given to him lay untouched after struggling with his left hand. I moved the stool over to his left side taking the fork that lay in the plate and taking a piece up to his lips. "Sidharth eat. Subah tak ghar le jaane jaisa bharosa dilana hqi inko nhi toh jaane nhi dengue aur Maa yaha aayi toh Acha Nhi hoga na?" I mumble in the softest tone I could muster. I forgot about wanting to slap him across the face for this knowing it wouldn't help. "Subah ghar chodne ki jaldi Maa k liye hai ya khud firse door Bhagne k liye? I begged you not to cut me off Shehnaaz. Fir? Calls bhi 5-10 minute k liye, kisi aur ko room mein rehne diya apne saath aur..woh interview aur shots? Samajhta hu ki ek Dam se sab same nhi hoga but" I stop him mid-sentence pushing the piece of fruit to his mouth. He was overthinking it. The call times and everything else. I'd been getting through shoots as fast as possible, agreeing to each schedule only to be back but he was taking it the other way.
S - "I'm not going anywhere. Cut off Nhi kiya Sidharth. Shoot aur interview ki baat kal karenge? Okay? Abhi Yeh zyada important hai."
I give him a smile continuing on to feed him until it was all done. I made him drink the little green drink I knew he despised but needed at the moment to ensure at least some colour back into his face. "Pee ke drive kyun ki?" I question helping him lay back down.
Si - "Pta nhi.... Teri apartment jaa Raha tha."
S - "Kyun?"
"Woh- Woh pictures. You still had them up. In the room. I saw. Mujhe bas assurance chahiye thi... I knew those would help." He mumbled looking away. I sighed trying my best not to get mad at him for acting so stupid. The assurance he needed was the one I was trying to give him over the phone. The same words he needed to hear was the ones I'd felt the need to say. "Call kyun nhi uthayi? Baat kr skte the na? Sidharth assurance chahiye toh baat krni Paregi na? Aise shots aur questions aagey bhi aayenge. We can't stop them" I say trying to explain the one thing he'd always lacked understanding in.
Si - "call uthata toh is want to hear the same thing you're not ready to say. In directly bolti but I want to hear it like my Shehnaaz used to say. Taras raha hu uske liye. Talking like this isn't the same. You calling me Sidharth isn't the same. Aise feeling less tune kbhi nhi bola jaise ek week se bol rahi hai."
"Time de thoda please? Aise karega toh dono aur problems mein aayenge. Chal I promise yeh next 3 weeks exclusively Teri. We'll be alright okay?" I mumble not telling him how the past few days I'd been hating myself for not doing the same things he'd mentioned. My heart aches to just wrap myself around him like I used to, mark him as mine, do the same exact clingy things it then my mind would overpower it. Thinking that it was those things that led to him being so nonchalant about my jealousy. I wanted to let him know about all the birthdays of his I'd missed and how I celebrated each year as happily as I could knowing he wouldn't do it for himself. Tell him that I still had each and every gift of his and show him every unsent message. The fears in my mind were too much and I knew I'd be over them in just another few days. Especially after all of this.
"Tera zikr jisme huaa na ho
Mere paas aisa lamha na ho
Maine jisme tujhko maanga nahi
Mere lab pe aisi duaa na ho"
