"Sajda tera kar na sakoon
Toh bandagi kya bandagi
Tere bina jeena pade
Toh zindagi kya zindagi
Kya rang laaya Dil ka lagaana
Kya rang laaya Dil ka lagaana
Goonje hawaa mein
Bichhde dilaan diyaan duhaiyaan
Vey badi lambiyaan si judaiyaan"
S - "Yes..pr"
"Shh...bas 5 minute." I gave him an unregistered nod letting him walk me over to a less windier side of wherever we were. It was colder though, the heat only coming from a small corner of the place. He let go of my hand asking me to stand where he left me until he was back. I gulped, the blindfold was doing too much harm to my train of thoughts. I was being taken back to where I definitely didn't want to be.
Flashback :
The backroom was full of costumes and back up costumes. The make up artists and hair dressers rushing around the room. Unlike always neither Baaz or Preeti di or even Neetu di were here. I felt the loneliness rile up inside me. They werent bound to being here. All three of them have their own lives, practically busier ones too. I smile at one of the artists who was working a layer of makeup to my eyes, the meet and greet started in another 10-15 minuets. The show ended about half an hour ago. It was a good show... I had stacked up presents from fans. Picture edits, clothes, jewelry, and most importantly the love filled letters. Theyd noticed the change too. The change in how interactive I was on social media and how Sidharth and me being even spotted together entering my show wasnt real anymore. This was the second tour without him. The second tour without support that I needed to give my performance my all. Dont get me wrong.. I tried. Always. But it cant be the same when a big part of it all is missing. This was the same room that was once filled with anything but silence. We'd go live backstage, have our own little tom and jerry fights, him being the one doing my touch up every now and then... all in all paradise. Today was the opposite. It felt like hell to even sit here any longer but I wouldn't dare let down the last of love I had. I walk out into the crowd, putting the smile on to my face. The next hour flew by in pictures and lies that I hated having to tell. Sidharth was a constantly discussed topic. I didn't know whether to be happy about it or sad. Happy that I wasn't the only one still stuck there or sad because they had to hear something that wasnt totally true. I moved back into my vanity letting the tears out. I'd asked the staff to leave already having decided to clean up myself. I let out a shriek inside seeing a batch of people approach the van. I kept it locked deciding not to answer in such a disheveled state. I say in front of the mirror crying for hours uncounted. My phone not even pinging once to know where I was or why I wasnt home. I cried harder thinking about times when I was with Sidharth. I could guarantee that if I called him even right now, sobbing... he'd be outside the vanity door in minutes. Breaking it open if I didn't budge myself. But whats the point in it for me? He'd leave right after. I'd suffocated him with our relationship for 3 years according to everything hes said. Falling to the floor i let out my cries muffling them with my hands pressed against my lips. I didn't even know the exact reason behind what I was feeling, the feeling of drowning although I was no where near water. My breaths got heavy, my heart reaching my gut seemingly blasting any and every thought my mind had at once. I move taking the bottle of sleeping pills knowing I'd panic if I didn't have one before it happened.
Si - "Baby? Lets go"
I blinked back the tears in my eyes not wanting to shed them right now. How much I'd just wanted those three words in that moment only I knew. I let him walk me to wherever he pleased, sitting down as directed the next moment. "Im opening the blindfold okay?" He asked making me nod vigorously, eager to let the dark be put behind. He sat down behind me, legs placed on either side of mine. I blink a few times adjusting to the light as quick as I could, anticipating what I was going to see. My mouth fell agape looking at the scene in front of us. We were at one of the highest points in town, the high rise building look over that was left incomplete around the end. The entire city was in our view, the flickering lights, a perfect sunset, cars driving by, and even a few traces of the river a few streets down. We were sitting on a furry blanket, a second one spread across over the first, small fake candles lit the small sitting, a array of cushions protecting the sides and where he sat, the table in front of him containing 2 boxes of pizza and a variation of desserts. I move forward just a little eyeing everything on the table. Turning back I threw myself in his arms keeping my legs crossed in the small empty space. "Yeh sab? Kab kiya tune Sidharthhhhh?! " I ask pleasantly very surprised.
