"Tum toh darasal saanson ka saaz ho
Dil mein mere chupa jo wohi raaz, raaz ho
Kal bhi mera tum hi ho mera aaj ho
Kal bhi mera tum hi ho mera aaj ho
Baarish ka paani ho tum
Kaagaz ki kashti hoon main"
I pull back keeping my forehead against his, taking deep breaths. The smile and blush almost identical on both our faces. We sat silently letting our breaths mingle with the gusts of air, the wind only getting colder as time passed. "Khana? Ghar jaa kr khaye ya yaha? Thanda hogya hoga" I mumble pulling away just slightly. He hummed pulling my waist into him keeping his arms tied just as tight as before. "Thoda time aise baithne de...bohut miss kiya hai aise rakhna teko. Completely hidden against me" he whispered resting his chin atop my head. I chuckle slightly feeling my heart flutter as the words left his mouth, he'd usually always detest me sitting like this at first. Not because he hated it but because he felt the need to hide how comfortable it made him so that I did it longer just for the sake of teasing him. I snuggle against his neck letting my lips pucker as they met the soft skin. Not once did being so close all of a sudden feel weird. Instead it felt like I was finally doing something right after years of wrongs.
Si - "Subah tune kaha tha ki usdin jo bhi tune plan kiya tha woh btayegi.. mujhe jaan na hai"
I sigh letting the warm breath fan his nape. I didn't know what exactly to say or how to tell him that the same room he'd broken up with me in was supposed to witness our last first. I wasnt too sure how he'd react hearing it knowing exactly how many times he'd controlled himself only because I wasnt ready. Yes we'd talked about marriage, a future and even kids but I shied away from this whole topic that was sort of unmissable when talking about the same. I put my palms against his shoulders pulling myself to face him, my cheeks as red as They could possibly be in such cold weather.
S - "our last first... I wanted to give into the desires I'd been shying away from"
I looked up into his eyes having said the words out loud for the first time. It felt different than it wouldve if I'd told him then. I knew that for a fact. Back then he was in it for more the fun than the love although I knew what we had was never fake or forced but we were younger, more troublesome than what we are today. "Isiliye tattoo waha bnwaya tha?" He questioned clearly taken aback. I give him a nod biting back my lower lip. He shook his head, gaze fixed on my lips while his hands loosened slightly. "Yeh mat kr.. aise krti hai toh mera bhi mnn krta hai krne ko" he rasped trailing his thumb against my lip. I let it go clenching my eyes shut in attempt to not let him see what his words did. I missed this Sidharth the most. His raspy whispers, the morning voice or the huskyness in his whispers when he called before bed. Theyd always hit the exact spot, making my stomach churn in a good way.
Si - "Tattoo dekh skta hu?"
"Yaha nhi..." I murmur shivering slightly as a gust of wind made it our way. He pulled me back against himself rubbing my back with his arm. "Ghar chalte hai, thand lg jayegi aise teko" he said grabbing his crutches. I moved off of him packing all the food and blankets into the basket I mentally thanked Khushal for leaving a few feet away from where we sat. We walked down the softly lit exist, making our way back to the car just as the winds picked up. I packed everything into the back along with his crutches before rushing over to my own seat, turning on both the heat and radio. Likewise we were expecting a rainstorm soon enough, thankfully not in the area where his house was. I needed to be warmed after the past few hours of sitting up there. Sidharth seemed to need the same. I gulped feeling his hand rest against my knee just like it used to before only slightly lower. I wasnt used to the feeling of his hand laying there anymore, not that I minded him putting it there anyways.
We got home half an hour later, having taken the longer drive back for reasons one too many. I'd always liked just driving around with him, songs blasting in the back as we continued to talk. We'd told Maa to sleep beforehand not wanting her to be up too long considering how long it would take us could change. I walk into the kitchen heating the pizza and the lava cakes that were literally almost frozen. He sat at the table scrolling through the tv channels deciding on playing the same exact news headlines be was listening to yesterday. I sigh deciding to ignore it for as long as I could. I walk over to beside him passing him his plate while I run back over to grab the drinks. The silence seemed more piercing than it was yesterday. Perhaps because neither of us knew how exactly to transition our conversations. I finish up the last bite of my cake moving on to do the dishes not expecting him to join. He did anyways, situating himself into one of the bar chairs as I washed off the dishes.
Si - "Tu kuch bol kyun nhi rahi?"
"Tu hi tv mein ghusa hua tha" I mumbled drying off my hands. We move back towards his room, me right behind him. I walk over to my bags grabbing a proper night suit knowing well enough That I'd probably catch a cold overnight if I wore any of the shorter outfits I'd been wearing. I pass him his clothes to change into on my way to the washroom right outside his room.
S - "Sidharth? Sun na main upar jaun? Maa ka weird lgega aise.. mtlb te-"
"Maa ko kuch nhi lgega, chup chap bed pe aa. Drama mat kr Abhi faltu ka. Unhone pichle 2 hafte se kaha kuch?" He asked pulling my arm along with him as he made his way to bed.
S - "Nhiiii pr mtlb ab toh tu theek hai na toh?"
"Kyun dimag sadana hai tujhe abhi? Itne din baad ache se soyenge, agar hug krke nhi sona hai toh bhi at least idhar chahiye mujhe tu" he murmured placing his set of crutches on the floor beside him. I made my way onto the bed getting into the covers beside him, covering the both of us. "Aisa kuch nhi hai main bas aise hi soch rahi thi ki subah awkward na lgge" I say pouting as he gave me a slight glare.
Si - "Chup chap leit idhar. Abhi ek week hai tu yaha, aur Uske Pehle agar tu gyi yaha se toh soc-"
S - "Nhi jaungi Bebu.. main schii sirf maa ke kaaran keh rahi thi."
Si - "Shaadi k baad bhi yahi aayegi, maa tab bhi idhar hi hongi. Tab awkward nhi lgega?"
S - "Hye rabba..... Sidharthhhhh sab ko kaise bolenge?! Abhi abhi shaadi se mnna kiya maine au-"
"Maine bta diya already" he chimed hiving me a smirk. I look back at him baffled not retracking any time he had to talk to both families about this. I pass him a questioning look waiting for explanation that doesnt come.
Si - "Parso tu kaam kr rahi thi bahar toh maine maa ko bulaya, unhe aur Khushal ko btaya fir last mein chotte ko call kiya and mostly sab maan gye the lekin papa chahte the ki last decision tu de"
"Jab tak tujhe pyar se
Beinteha main bhar na dun
Jab tak main duaaoon sa
Sau dafa tujhe pad na loon
Haan mere paas tum raho
Jaane ki baat na karo
Mere sath tum raho
Jaane ki baat na karo"
