"Tere bin ek din jaise sau saal hai
Anjaam hai tay mera Hona tumhe hai mera
Jitni bhi hon dooriyan filhaal hain
Yeh dooriyaan filhaal hain Ho..."
We made our way I to the apartment, the rain having died down already. I sat him against the sofa deciding to make the both of us a cup of chai. It was usually always him who made it but I couldn't exactly let him do so right now. I heard the tv turn on, news channels blaring through the room. I sighed knowing I'd have to get used to constant news again. I took both the cups sitting right beside him, slightly huddled up. The apartment was colder than his house and we were also still sort of drenched. "Sidharthhhh? Yeh band kr na please?" I whine having had emough of the man yelling the same thing for over half an hour. He chuckled doing as I'd asked. "News abhi bhi nhi pasand?" He questioned taking a sip of the now cooled tea.
S - "Bilkul bhi nhi. Ek hi baat bolte rehte hai poora time aur jo baaki sab important hai usse ignore kr dete hai"
"Gadhi.. woh 5 topics discuss kr raha tha abhi. Not one" he mumbled toying with the remote. I roll my eyes going back to sipping my tea. Tomorrow was pretty much the last say he needed bandages, also almost the last day I was staying over. I didn't want to mention it. Hell...I didn't even want to go back home. I knew myself well enough. I'd be sick not having him around after 3 weeks of being together day and night. "Next week mein ghar jaa rehi hu vaapis... phir shoot a day after." I whisper out loud instead of my head. I huff knowing theres no way out of it anymore.
"Pta hai.. abhi woh sab mention mat kr please?" He mumbled softly laying his head against the wall, eyes closing as he out away the cup. "Shehnaaz?" He called a minute later, adjusting himself to face me. I look up raising my eyebrows in response. "Can we go to yours tomorrow? Mumma aur dadse milna hai mujhe. Baaz and dadi dadu too."
The question itself put a smile to my face. I missed what they had. The complete family setting. Him trying his hardest to talk in punjabi sometimes, them deciding to collectively teach him. The way my mom made all the special delicacies he liked every time he came over. The ease with which he discussed world issues with dad and dadu or even playing the console games with baaz, challenging him to win. I gave him a nod letting the smile linger against my lips. "Sabko waha bula lai? Maza aayega" I giggle reminding myself of the parties we'd have.
Si - "Burah toh nhi maanege woh?"
"Tu pagal hai? Unhone toh aaj bhi vaise hi welcome krna hai tera... ghar ke dam-.... mtlb tere aane pe toh vaise hi khush ho jaate hai sb." I say covering up the almost fumble I'd made not exactly too well.
Si - "Pehle kya kehne wali thi ? Ghar ka kya?"
S - "Kuch nhi... chod na, sone chal ab. Subah jaldi uthna hai aur kal finally sab pati vati khul jayegi."
"Kal se I can try to walk right?" He questioned not intriguing the other topic any further. "Haan, most likely" I mumble cleaning up the two cups before I led him into the bedroom with just as much as his stuff as mine. The bed was much smaller than his, I planned to talk him into letting me sleep in the other room. I grabbed him one of the outfits of his I had set right in the first drawer of my closet. "Main udhar wale room mein so jaungi, yaha hath lga toh dard hoga raat mein." I explain taking the extra blanket and pillow.
Si - "Chup chap yaha aaja please. Abhi yeh mat kr. Tujhe pta hai neend nhi aayegi mujhe"
S - "pr.."
"Shehnaaz please?" He intervenes not letting me complete my sentence. I nod slightly walking back over to the side of the bed. I put down the blanket and pillow but he lifted them, placing them on the chair beside him. "Yaha hum aise kbhi bhi nhi soye... let it be that way? Itna bharosa toh hai ki ek mein hi so jayein right?" He explained refreshing almost every night we'd spent here together. He was right.. we'd always sleep in just one blanket here, the pillows discarded other than one of his. My head either lay on his chest or arm, always. We'd slept in the same bed at his too,for almost 2 weeks, but not exactly this close. There was always the barrier of two blanket ends in between. I slip into the bed deciding there was no point in arguing against something I wanted myself. It took just over a minute for him to inch over, laying his leg over my waist the still bandaged arm very carefully placed across my stomach. "I love you" he whispered yet again making my entire body want to react to the raspy tone he'd used. I clench my eyes shut biting the inside of my cheek to keep from letting out a mewl. I wanted to confess. Right then and there, just say it. Open the last door for me to do the same every day, whenever I felt the need to. But I didn't... not verbally. I his forehead turning softly so that my head rested in the crook of his neck inhaling the soft scent of the misty scent of rain and his usual manly cologne. It seemed to drift me into sleep much better than any of the sleeping pills I'd tried. The soft sense of him being there pretty much all that was even required. Tomorrow was just around the corner and today long gone..but I wanted to stay awake, keep myself awake to take in the bliss of the moment I thought I'd never get again. He was back, laying cuddled against me possibly closer than ever before. His heartbeats almost repeating my own, the calm washing over both of our faces. I loved him... a lot more than I did even back then. I'd hated how the love only grew as time passed but now it made sense. I was being prepared for this exact moment. Both the adamantness and the softness I had towards him, both were managed by the same heart. It wanted him to heal me but wanted me to heal him too. A trade that my mind might never believe was logical. I'd never before felt like this when I was with another man at shoots or even in real life. Not once had I the urge to just let myself melt against his desires. And practically enough never will either. I looked around the room finding the small led image panel. Itd been my best friend the first few months. The only thing I'd fall asleep looking at. The pictures scrolled through, I'd left it on even when I was gone not being able to accept the need to turn it off. He had always been here even when he wasnt. The pictures, clothes, artifacts and even myself were a great example of that. The pain I'd felt back then seemed baseless now. I was kind of happy we'd been through that.. not with how long we'd stayed in it but that wasn't something either of us could change now. Maybe I would've even change it if I could.
"Tumhari tasveer ke sahaare mausam kayi guzaare
Mausami na samjho par ishq ko humaare
Nazron ke saamne main aata nahi tumhare
Magar rehte ho har pal manzar me tum humare
Agar ishq se hai mila Phir dard se kya gila
Iss dard mein zindagi khush haal hai"
