Why'd he ever let his faith lose? I jumped hearing a knock on the door. "Come in" I mumble to tired to say anything else. "Mere liye bhi come in hai ya?" I turn to my side finding Maa standing at the door along with Mom. I get up instantly racing into her arms to feel the solace if lost 5 years ago. She still radiated with motherlyness.
SiM - "Bacha roh kyun rahi hai? Nhi daantungi paaka. Apni beti se thori na naraaz hun, mujhe pta hai ki teri glti nhi thi."
S - "Aap maa ho, aap dant skte ho."
SiM - "Maa ka pehle bhi yaad aaya? Milne bhi nhi aayi? Bas call pe?"
SM - "Shukar kro at least phone krti hai, ghar se jaati hai toh mujhe toh woh bhi naseeb nhi hota."
I pull them inside talking to them for the next few hours.My mind still far from settled. I needed my answers. As fast as can be. They were the last straw between us. The deciding factors of whether I wanna go back or leave... completely this time.
I walk into the small closet taking out the dress for the mehndi. It was a soft pink as Maahi wanted only herself and Jai to wear a green. I left my hair as I'd done it before ditching all of the jewelry but the earrings. I put on a bit kohl and lip gloss calling it enough as for the outfit. I put on my locket necklace back on, roping a small gold bracelet around my hand.
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The whole hall was already full of chatter and traditional songs. I smiled at Maahi who sat at the Center of the stage put up towards the back end of the hall, running over excusing myself from the aunties that had stopped me. Of course I was getting glares here and there, some for my dress and others well let's forget it. I sat down beside Maahi, smiling as her mom continued on the song blessing her, tears clouding the eyes of every women sitting around. My own smile to hold back the fountains of water daring to deep out at any allowance, for reasons different than theres. Maahi tugged another mehndi artist from behind gesturing her to do mine even at my denial. I didn't want to get it yet due to the weak feeling due to stress and not having enough food. Jai and Sidharth stepped downstairs a moment later walking right over. I wondered where in the world Khushal and Baaz were when they were needed the most. I find my mom crossing from in front of the stage, calling out loud enough for her to hear.
S - "Mumma juice laado please? Gala suluk raha hai mera."
SM - "Abhi bas 10 minute mein juice aur baaki sab lg jayega tab bhijwati hu. Aur Chutney toh nhi khayi na subah? "
S - "Wo-Woh Karan ne khila di. Usse nhi-"
"Nhi kya?! Sab kuch toh btaya hua hai usse. Tera dhyaan rakhne k liye hi aage peeche bhej Te hai tere papa aur yeh.. hye rabba ruk tu. Main abhi dwayi laati hu. Ek toh pehle se hi shaadi hai aur yaha.. baaz bhi pta nhi kaha hai" she said stressing as she walked away. I sighed hoping my throat wouldn't act up. Perhaps it was more than even I'd noted. The mehndi artists were now working away in both my hands taking away the ability to even get myself a drink. My mom returned moments later giving me my allergy medicine along with a gulp of water, moving it forward for me to drink again when my dad called her away from behind. I looked up hoping she didn't do exactly what she did. She'd never been able to hate him just like me. None of us had. Baaz still talked about him all the time along with my grandparents and parents. Of course they'd never show that but I knew. He sat down beside me pushing the rim of the glass to my lips. I took a long drink passing him a smile the moment after. I didn't want this worse than it already was. Maa walked in a moment after sitting down beside him watching keenly as the pattern was laid into both mine and Maahis hands. I fell into conversation with her a minute later, just like old times. Almost inseparable. Almost...
Mehndi artist - "Ma'am naam likhna hai?"
I shake my head passing her a smile. I didn't want anyone's name. My heart was already having a problem deciding, my mind would only make it worse. Wtf...... Shehnaaz?! What choice? You don't have a choice. You never did. You never wi-
I was brought back from my thoughts, when maa grabbed my hand pulling it into hers, taking the cone of mehndi from one of the artists. They were pretty much done anyways. She gave me a smile continuing the conversation from before, taking my mind off of why she'd just done this. A few minutes later we sat, watching the performances happening before us. The food was put out but of course neither of us could go eat. Maahi looked at me with utmost concern.
M - "Shehnaaz? Theek hai na? Chehre ka saara rang kyun uda huya hai?"
I gave her the smile I could muster shaking me head to gesture I was fine. A lie, I wasn't feeling good at all. My head was spinning and the crowd in the room was suffocating me. My heart seemed to have dropped to the pit of my stomach. I felt a nudge at my side presenting a plate of food and medicine. I chuckled internally at the way it was put out knowing exactly who it was. "Motto kha le, subah se bhi kuch nhi khaya" Baaz said giggling after looking at the whole plate himself. I gestured to my hands, pouting at him to give me the food himself.
SB - "Bilkul bhi nhi, mummy ko bhejta hu, pehle hi aadha ghata Qiran k saath baitha abhi thodi khud ki bhi seva krni hai."
I kicked my foot into his making him sit down and do as I said. I'd just had a quarter of the food when he was called back to where the rest of the family stood. I shrugged letting him walk away, blowing at my hands. I sighed failing to try and lift the spoon myself not ruining my mehndi.
M - "Karan ko bulawa dun?"
J - "Try bhi mat krna, tujhe pta bhi nhi hai ki kya kya bakwas krri hai aaj usne."
"Kya kiya?" Sidharth questioned walking back up with the glass of water from before all refilled. He moved it towards me, putting it on the table beside after I denied. "Kuch nhi kiya" I murmur staring out towards the dance floor. He sits back down beside me taking the plate from the table into his hands. He takes a spoonful, pushing it to my lips. I eat it hungry enough to eat from anyone's hands at this point. I gulp the water immediately feeling much better. I thank him going back to the conversation lingering over the entire stage.
Sidharth :
Today was even more hurtful than usual. Being so close yet so afar wasn't what I was used to with her. The ride was silent, complete silence filling the void of our words. I'd never seen her drive like that. Not once, she was the sort to follow every single rule while continuing to jam to the songs. Feeling her cheek against my neck made me freeze. She still had it in her to have me smitten with one touch. I hadn't been able to feel that for the past 5 years. Not once being able to get intimate with someone else. I didn't want to either. That part of me was for her. It will always be, whether she comes back or not.... I knew she felt the same way, she'd shooed Karans hands but let mine be spoke volumes.
I looked back up at her, putting away her now empty plate. After what happened this morning I wouldn't have let him sit anywhere around here. Especially not to feed her. On top of that Jai, Khushal and even Baaz seemed to be pissed at something I didn't have even a clue about. Seeing her talk so freely to maa made me want to take the 5 years back from her memory somehow. I wanted my Shehnaaz back. I wanted her to ask me for compliments... the way she'd been looking today she wouldn't even have to. I wanted the teasing Khushal and Jai always did. The one she'd always support, laughing at their remarks. I just wanted her. The one she used to be around me. I frowned seeing Karan walk into the stage, sitting down in front of her. She flinched as he pulled her hands into his. The discomfort loud and clear.
K - "Naam nhi likhawaya? Sab toh likhwa kr baithi hai"
The constant insult tone was pissing me off the no end. Why in the world was she taking it!?
S - "Tera naam main kyun likhwau? Dost ka naam nhi likhte mehndi mein."
K - "Acha ji? Dost? Sorry na nhi aa paya khana leke..."
"Tu kr kya raha hai? Main chahti bhi nhi thi k tu aaye. Now please, Yaha se jau.. boht kuch bol liya pehle hi tune." Shehnaz says keeping her voice as low as possible but her eyes seemed to have already wounded him. He got up heaving off the stage. Maahi and I looked at her confused for what just happened. She shook her head getting up and walking away. I could swear I saw tears clouding her eyes. My heart sank Not certain if I should go behind her or not. My mind going straight back to how I used to be teased for not even being able to see her she'd a tear, running over to her immediately. Calming her. And now....
"Khuli aankhon se dekha woh Haseen khwab hai tu Dil mein jo utar jaaye woh Pyaari baat hai tu Tere naam ka nasha nasha hai Zubaan pe chhaa gayaa Iss bekhudi mein doobne se Main khud ko na rok sakeya"
