I stood running my hands through my hair the smile from before disappearing. I'd thought we'd enjoy again like the old times but this was a whole new story. Walking over to her I take her hand in mine before she had the time to even react. I didn't want her to move away from this. A conversation I wanted to happen. I raised the other wiping away her tears though knowing more would she'd the next second. "Tu fir roh rahi hai? Kya hua hai Shehnaaz? Baarish mein toh tu khush hoti thi na?" I mumble now holding both her now wrapped hands in mine. She looked up at me eyes seemingly mirroring the stat of her heart. Wounded. Guilty? Perhaps I was thinking too much. I also knew that she'd give all honest answers right now. She wasn't in the state to give back. The medicine she'd just taken a while back wouldn't allow it. I knew how that reacted with her. It almost intoxicated her enough for people to think she drank.
S - "Meri khushi baarish nhi tu tha. Tere aane Pr ab kuch chhod diya... jo akele krti thi woh tere saath kiya kyunki main chahti thi ki tu us Shehnaaz ko jaane. The one I held exclusive for you. Pr tune toh meri yeh Khushiyan ko nhi rehne diya mere paas. You know mujhe tere ko blame bhi nhi krna chahiye. Kyunki umeedien maine rakhi thi. Tune rakhne ko nhi bola. Dukh toh is baat ka hai ki ajj firse woh galti krdi. Karan se ummeed kri ki woh mujhe samjhega, maybe just maybe he'll be the end to my perfectly ruined life. Lekin usne toh tujhe bhi top krdia. He doubted me... me and you. Something that I wished was true. I'd give up my entire life to have the last 5 years back.. in my way. Aur ek mazaak sunega? Last baat hai pakka. Iske baad nhi bolungi. Pakkaungi nhi teko.. bas ek last mazaak."
I stay silent giving her a soft hum after she fell silent for 5 minutes. "Mujhe aaj bhi tere se ummeed hai. 5 saal rone k baad bhi... waisi hi ummeed jaise pehle thi." She mumbled letting out a piercing chuckle at the end. I looked into her eyes watching them flicker shut, her fainting right before my eyes. I ran my hand back along her face. Her skin was burning with fever. I picked her up hiding her face against my neck too scared to have to answer if someone's asked. I hike her up in my arms making sure she didn't slip away due to how wet we both were. I ran into her room immediately grabbing the box of medicines she always needed. The box almost slipped from my hands as my eyes widened finding a bottle of sleeping pills. I look back up to where she lay on the bed. Completely out of the fit of the moment. I take the liquid medicine dripping it through her slightly ajar lips. I'd done this before. Of course I had.. there was one too many times she broke down in Front of me and Maa.... maa. Holy shit. She was going to burn me alive if she wasn't well by tomorrow morning. I look down at her clothes, completely drenched. I didn't know if I had that right anymore. Not that I ever even did but whatever I had was better than this. I walk towards the small closet grabbing the large sweatshirt from this morning. I slip her tank straps over her arms, leaving the tank on as it was a tube top. I pulled the jumper over her sliding off her tank from under. I couldn't decide if it made me happy or sad when I felt her body lay against mine. She wouldn't even remember half of this tomorrow morning. I slid off her shorts laying her back in bed. Sitting next to her I took her head into my lap, caressing the soft of her hair and features. This is what I wanted. Ever since I'd lost it. I wanted it back. Me laying with her either completely over me or snuggled into my lap like how she was right now. I couldn't help but bend forward and peck her forehead. It was still raining outside. The spatter loud & clear against the window. I smiled, remembering the last time we'd been under the drops together.
Flashback :
The rain sprayed over our already drenched clothes. We'd been walking back to her apartment after classes. She stopped suddenly wrapping her arms around my neck before softly stepping up into my feet, making it easier for herself to peck my face all over. My hands subconsciously dropped to her bare waist, holding her from where the crop top ended. It was already worse enough that the top was made of a very flimsy material, not the water drips only made it cling further around her body, giving me thoughts I knew I couldn't execute. She nuzzled her face into my neck, my feet taking the usual sway. "I love you" she mumbled softly nibbling at my ear. The raspy whisper sent shivers down my spine, the proximity only making it worse. I heard her let out a giggle before taking my lips into hers, the water still dripping over us. I pulled her up higher making her legs wrap around my waist, still moving my body to the steps she'd taught me.
The next hour we sat inside her apartment, sneezing our face off. We looked at each other falling into a fit of laughter. Perhaps life wasn't that much about luxury as it was advertised to be. She moved herself closer, wrapping the blanket she had around herself before laying her head in my lap, cuddling towards my stomach. My hands inched instantly to play with her locks. The smile on her face, was heavenly. As heavenly as it got.
Now I looked down, her lips quivering, the usual pinkness lost. I wanted to punch that moron through the head for this. Maybe a lot more. He could've prevented this from happening. I pulled up the covers slightly higher, not wanting to make this any worse. I wasn't going to leave until the fever calmed down.
I woke up a few hours later all alone. The sun shined through the window, I could hear the shower. I stretched out my arms getting off of the bed, I should leave. For one I didn't want to face her and two I needed time to take in what she'd said last night. Her words rang through my mind all night but I couldn't focus on those. Not until the fever dropped. I didn't even remember when I'd fallen asleep.
S - "Sidharth?"
I looked back finding her standing by the foot of the bed wearing a casual shirt and leggings. I couldn't help but stare... it was like this ever since I'd seen her again. Almost like knowing that what I was doing was wrong but it felt so right that I couldn't stop. They were right when they said that you only realize the value and importance of someone when they're gone. She walked over, decreasing the small distance between us. I watched as she hesitantly places her hand on my forearm, looking up at me with indescribable emotion. "Woh..sorry And Thank you Yahan saari raat rehne k liye" she mumbled passing me a soft smile before heading out of the room. Thank you?! It hurt hearing that from her. Our whole relationship was what I did yesterday. Being there for each other when the other needed it most. The thank you made me seem so unfamiliar. As if we didn't have all that between us. What else was I even expecting? This is what I deserved, I had no right to blame her whatsoever. I had sent her away. The last time she'd come, crying at my doorstep. Asking for nothing but clarity and I... I pushed her away. Made her leave, telling her to stay away from the family that was more hers than mine. All through the years I watched her performances, live telecasts, not having it in me to just go attend one. She had all the success she'd wished for. Everyone knew her name like the back of their hand, news channels waiting for even a scope of news but she stayed away from it. The pain in some of the songs she sang wrenched my heart, that was what I'd given her. The 3 years full of nothing but happiness and then left... leaving a void no one even had the heart to fill. And now I'd come back, on my own time, and ruined everything she'd built with another man. It was my fault I know... but he wasn't worthy of her. He wasn't worthy of the love I knew she had the ability to give. Hell.. no other man was. Not even myself but there was no way I'd let her go now. Knowing I had 3 months before all of this collapsed, I knew I'd have to do something out of the box. This was a promise she'd made to her dad. She wouldn't break it even if the result was her own grave. Maybe she wouldn't marry him, but she'd marry whoever came next. And that.... that wasn't something I could take.
"Kyun khuda ne di lakeerein
Jismein zahir naam nahi tera
Likh raha hoon dard saare
Yoon to shayar naam nahi mera"
