I walked back into the room after letting the doctors check in. The discharge papers were filled and ready along with getting back all his belongings. I'd already gone to his place and brought the clothes he needed for today, a visit I hadn't imagined to make like this. It felt weirdly familiar driving down the same road, the same colony. My heart swelled seeing the entire place exactly like it was before. Maa had insisted me to come inside but I denied not wanting to do that part alone. I didn't know how I'd drop him off either. I'd agreed to give all my time to him and that wouldn't change but going to his house? That was an extreme I wasn't too ready for. I walk up to the bed seeing him still sitting in the blue gown from before. "Sidharth? Change Nhi krvaya unhone? Ruk I'll call the-"
Si - "Maine hi mnna kiya. Main krlunga, just walk me to the washroom. Please? I don't want to go with any of them"
I nod although slightly unsure of how He'd make this work. I let his arm swing over my shoulder letting him put all his weight into me as I moved towards the small room. "Pair pe weight nhi prhna chahiye Sidharth.. I'll call the nurse? Aise zyada chot lgge gi. " I mumble setting him against the counter. He groaned straightening his foot making my guess assured. I move out to the room calling back in one of the nurses to go help as I waited outside. Half an hour later we drove out of the hospital collecting all his medicines and the wheelchair he was supposed to use if he absolutely needed to get somewhere himself. They were going to put him on crutches but the hand was just as bad as the leg, neither being okay to put weight on. "Tera shoot?" He questioned looking straight out of the window. The past 10 minute ride had been quiet, neither of us knowing what to say, something that never occurred due to my constant blabbers. "1 week mein double kiya ti almost over hi hai, just a few last shots left." I respond hating how normal we were being. Neither of us were like this. Our voices were never this flat with each other. "Tujhe toh aise shoots pasand Nhi the na? Toh..." he digs further still not putting forth the actual insecurity he had. I sigh deciding to be the first one to end this game of normal we were seemingly playing.
S - "Acha nhi lgga? Mtlb sab bol rahe the ki kuch hot sa kro toh Maine haan krdi isko. Fans ko toh Acha lgga"
Si - "Nhi Mtlb.. Acha hai, kaam hai pr over Nhi ho gya? Itna close"
"Sidharth tujhe bhi pta hai shoot kaise hote hai, meri choice Nhi thi. I did as told. Aur tune bhi last year kiya tha aisa hi kuch Itna Chant mat bnn" I mumble driving into his neighborhood. He hadn't responded back to what I'd said so I looked over only to find his lips stretched into a pleasant smile. "I've never felt this good hearing that from you" he said a minute later, almost inaudible. I decide to let it be pulling into the parking and gathering the stuff from the back first. I put it against the doorstep coming back to the car to help him. I didn't want to push him in a wheelchair knowing Maa would freak out worse. She was already at the door along with Khushal, at the verge of crying seeing the multiple wounds. I didn't know how she didn't hate me yet. If this was what happened every year, I'd expect her to. But the reality was quite the opposite. She blamed him for it.
Si - "Maa? Theek hu main, abhi andar to Anne do ?"
SIM - "Kyun krta hai yeh sab? Had hoti hai Sidharth, koi rokta nhi hai toh yeh Mtlb nhi ki pee kr drive pe Nikl jau. Aur ab toh vaapis aa rahi hai na woh? Kya mtlb tha Yeh krne ka? "
Khushal chuckled very clearly to lighten the mood as he walked outside grabbing him from the other arm moving into the house. I stay put, causing 3 pairs of eyes to peer right at me. "Main woh- mujhe ghar.." I fumble not making up an excuse good enough. I looked up at Sidharth, the same hurt from last night filling his eyes, the arm that lay around me falling limp, almost sliding off. I stood waiting for what he'd do. I wouldn't lie.. if he let me go today too there may be an extra mile to come back. Yes I wanted to leave but I also wanted him to ask me to stay. The confusion between the two clouding my mind. His hand fell of my shoulder but to my surprise clutched my hand, tugging me inside with him even at his weakest. Or maybe I just followed him.. Both being the same in my head. Khushal led us straight to his room, the dark hues just as we'd set them together; the entire set up eating me up the moment I looked at it. There were so many memories here. Many that we may have even forgotten, the chases, the cuddles, the bickering, the coaxing, celebrations... everything happened under the same exact roof. He sat on the bed, the hand still just as tight around mine. Khushal left excusing himself to grab the medicine as Maa walked away to refill water. "I know I'm asking for a lot Shehnaaz.. but I need you. Zaroorat hai mujhe Teri. Hadd se zyada. Just stay here? Please?"
I hum in response holding back on the slight suffocation I was feeling. I wanted to hug him too, a sudden swell of the heart putting the desire in my mind. If I was myself from 5 years back I would've jumped into him by now. But I wasn't. Or perhaps I was trying not to be. I walk out making an excuse for water, going over and hugging Maa instead. She was slightly taken aback but knew where it was coming from. "Shoot kab hai Bacha tera?" She asked clearly in a thought process.
S - "Mahine baad, kuch chote shots hai"
SIM - "Ek baat maanegi?"
"Aapki har baat Maanti hu" I mumbled snuggling further into her back. She turned putting away the water she was warming up. "Yaha reh le? 3 hafte? Usske saath nhi toh mere paas ruk ja? Teri mom se baat ki Maine Abhi, woh Baaz se sab bhijwa dengi." She asked the hesitation very clear in her voice. I pulled back dropping my eyes to the floor. I needed clarity right now. One I knew I could only get where I hadn't been in one too many weeks. "Main samaan le ke aau? Lunch tak aa jaungi. Usse bhi abhi dawayi le kr so na hai. Batake jaungi" I mumble deciding to visit what I needed to on the way. She nodded handing me a glass of water. I walk back into the room with Khushal and the basket of medicine taking out the 2 pills he needed to take. I pass them over to him taking a seat by his legs.
Kh - "Chal ab sanu, main chla upar sone, poori raat jagaya isne, tu bhi rest kr, seedha shoot se Aayi yaha"
I give him a nod looking back at Sidharth who grimaced at the taste of the pills. I didn't exactly know how to tell him or even say that I was leaving after the look of gotten last time. "Kuch bol na hai baby?" He slurred, taking down another sip of water.
S - "mujhe Samaan le ne ghar jaana hai. Lunch tak aa jaungi. "
"Baaz- Han toh ismein aise chup rehne wali kya baat hai? Ja aur le kr aa, pr lunch saath mein hi krenge okay? " he mumbled closing his eyes against the pillow. I gave him the instructions of the last few things around him waiting until Maa entered their room to leave. He held my hand again as I got up, putting it to his lips, " I love you" he muttered against the skin, letting the hand free the next second. I was shocked to say the least. I'd been the same the entire last week. He'd never say this before and now it was a daily. He said it everyday no matter where I was or where he was himself. I hadn't said it back even once. Not directly that is.
"Khamoshiyan.. teri meri khamoshiyan
Khamoshiyan.. lipti hui khamoshiyan
Kya uss gali mein kabhi tera jaana hua
Jahaan se zamaane ko guzre zamaana hua
Mera samay toh wahin pe hai thehra hua
Bataaun tumhe kya mere sath kya kya hua"
