S - "Teri Aarti ka phone aaya tha. 4-5 baar. Call back krlena aur scratch the chance I'm not going to let you toy with me like that Sidharth."
I was hardly even awake but the words spit from her mouth surely made it happen quicker. I pulled her back into the bed as she stood up to leave seeing me get up and move out of her lap where I'd seemingly fallen asleep last night. "Kya bakwas kr rahi hai?! Will you please just let me explain whatever it is.Itna hi tha toh phone utha ke dekh leti." I grinave pushing my phone into her hand. The Aarti she was talking about wasn't my friend rather she was the designer for the wedding venue. The other one was left well in the past. I wouldn't dare let her come close after her making me loose the only person I had for myself. I got out of bed with a huff, straightening out my shirt and closing the laptop on the way to the closet. "I'm sorry.. w-woh main... actually" I heard her hesitate, not even forming a sentence because she herself couldn't grasp the reason behind what she did. Or maybe she knew and wouldn't dare spill it out in front of me. I walked back over to her throwing my clothes on the bed. It was the bachelor and bachelorette party today. They'd start later tonight. The whole day is planned to watch the Footage but right now teasing her seemed far more important. After yesterday.. I couldn't get the foggy image of her heavy breaths, closed eyes, the tint of pink spread over her cheeks. I'd give up my fortune to see that again. I moved towards her letting my hands fix up her blouse, my eyes not daring to look down. I wouldn't be able to deal with it if I saw even a glimpse. "Koi baat nhi Baby, you don't need to be sorry. I like the jealousy" I murmur pulling her ear lobe with my teeth. She gasped clutching onto my forearms. The green bangles clinking with how fast she'd moved her hand. The mehndi even darker than yesterday. My name was still carved in. The same darkness as the other designs . A true representation of how deep my love for her was. I'd tell her too.. after yesterday it was almost as if I wanted to shoot myself for not doing what I did yesterday before. 5 damn years. I wasted 5 years yearning for the same warmth I got last night. Not seeing her even once only made it worse but I knew why she did all that. I could tell why she stayed away from me in reality. The door flung open just as I stepped a foot away. I didn't know whether I was happy or mad. Whoever it was ruined this moment of ours but they also saved me from going too far. I sighed looking back only to find a baffled Khushal.
Kh - "Ek minute. Matlab? Kya? Itna nazdeek? Tum dono? Hai bhagwaan mujhe lga tha shayad is baar meri aakhein ye dekhne k liye bas taras to hi rah jayengi lekin apne poora saath diya mera. Chal bhai ab jo party pro-"
Si - "Tu subah subah kya khata hai? Woh sirf kal yaha late ho jane ki wajah se yaha hai. Itna mat soch dimag phat jayega tera"
He gives me a frown looking over at Shehnaaz who'd seemingly made her face presentable and gotten up off of the bed. "Haan woh main bas nikal ne hi waali thi- wo-h call wali baat k liye sch mein sorry. I shouldn't have reacted like that" she mumbled stepping outside the room.
Si - "Shehnaaz?! Sorry aur thank you please mere se mat bolo, I don't want to feel like a complete stranger."
She nodded tucking the loose hair strands behind her ear moving back towards her own room. Khushal ran behind her for a few steps handing her a bag of something before making his way back immediately distracting me with the footage topic. I moved inside the room locking the door to make sure no one else saw what we were up to as we started the laptop back up, letting it read the CD throughly. I was hesitant to play it. This was the last string. If I'd kissed her.. willingly.. I wasn't going back. No questions asked. I'd leave, the country, people, everything. But if she came onto me... then I still had a lot of explaining to do.
Shehnaaz :
I walked back into my room analyzing the CD Khushal had handed me. I couldn't tell what it was and he'd simply just told me to watch it. I took a shower changing into a new pair of leggings and an oversized tshirt not wanting to get further intoxicated by the scent of him that lay in my other clothes. I had no idea what the entire day of yesterday even was. Everything I hoped for was falling into place, it felt right but I couldn't do that to myself. What about my self respect? What about the barrier I'd taken 5 years to build? What was I going to say to my parents? Maa? They'd be happy I know but the questions about why couldn't be answered simply with happiness. I pull out my laptop loading the CD into it just as Raunak and Riyaz barged into my room. I moved the laptop away sitting them both on either leg, showering them with the kisses I'd missed giving. I'd seen them a few times. Mall visits. Roadside meetups. Restaurants. And lastly my shows. But those were nothing like this. I gushed as they returned the soft open mouthed kisses. Riyan walked in a minute later, in front of Baaz who carried 4 large plates of food.
B - "Dekh le, subah se tere liye yeh sab bna rahe hai yeh teeno aur mujhe butler bna diya hai. Sambhal ab teeno ko tu hi. Neeche sabko tang krdiya. "
I giggle softly before pulling all three of them into a group hug. I liked being the favourite. Raunak sat in my lap white the other two scattered around the room after eating a few of the sandwich bites they'd made. We had the utmost fun for the next 2 hours, dancing around, watching cartoons or even just telling stories. Preeti di walked in just as two of them fell asleep, Riyaz right in the verge.
P - "Maine tujhe babysitter appoint kr lena hai. Mtlb 2 ghante mein, khila diya, khel bhi liya, stories bhi suna di aur sula bhi diya? Itne mein toh yeh ek hi sulaya jaata hai mujhe se"
I couldn't help but laugh hearing the struggle stories she'd had with all three. Neetu di was usually at work and as Preeti di worked from home she usually took Raunak with her. They moved out a few minutes later, reminding me of the laptop that still sat open to the CD screen. I locked away my doors knowing I should probably get ready instead but the anxiety would kill me tonight if I didn't at least watch a few minutes right now. I played it taking the laptop back into my lap after taking out all my clothes and necessities for after. My face morphed seeing them setting of the party that ruined everything. Every single thing. Not only with Sidharth but also my best friend. I felt my eyes tear up again seeing the both of enter. Sidharth's arm securely around my waist, mines holding the cake we'd brought. The scene shifted to the both of being left alone in the small entry, I turned up the volume hearing the husky whispers, that even today brought goosebumps to my arms. He'd planned so much for that night. I'd agreed, given myself completely to him... or at least planned to. I shut off the computer going back into memories I wanted to be wiped away if god ever wanted me to move on. I let out a soft sob. I'd promised myself before coming here that I wouldn't let him see the effect he still had on me. But I was broken, confused, tired.... intoxicated? I'd told him everything that night and I knew it too. I'd made him feel guilty enough with the things I'd said. Given him the benefit of knowing I was still hoping for us in the end. It was pathetic. More pathetic than pathetic itself. I didn't know how to explain the stringy feeling inside. The calmness I would feel whenever he was close, how I'd fell asleep for hours in his room last night without my pills. I usually woke up without them but last night I stayed asleep. And evidently I'd also not had the nightmare. His arms were my home and there was no way I could say that's a lie. My body, mind, heart.. nothing would allow that. He hadn't become a stranger in 5 years of distress. How stupid of me to think that would happen when he was this close.
"Hue Na Begaane Bhi Tum Hoke Aur Ke
Dekho Tum Na Mere Hi Bane
Afsos Hota Hai Dil Bhi Yeh Rota Hai
Sapne Sanjota Hai Pagla Hua Soche Yeh
Hum The Mile Tumse Na Jaane Kyun
Meelon Ke Hai Faasle Tumse Na Jaane Kyun
Anjaane Hai Silsale Tumse Na Jaane Kyun
Sapne Hai Palko Tale Tumse Na Jaane Kyun"
