Sweet Like Candy

I don't feel like going out...

JEFF'S POV: 

     The moment Liu left to go to school the next day, I wandered over to my parents' bar to retrieve a new bottle of liquor. This time it happened to be spiced rum. I chugged it like it was water as I marched my way to my room, just to lie on my bed. I didn't feel like doing anything...after all I was suspended from school.

     Why bother to find a purpose in my life when I scared away THE only purpose in my life. I was absolutely miserable. Why do people even bother to do anything... that is the biggest question I have to ask myself. So I just drank more and more, not having a care in the world. Eventually, I got so drunk that I ended up falling asleep on the floor. The best sleep I had in awhile, actually. 

    When I got up, Liu was already home from school. How long was I out for?! I checked the time to see it was nearly 4 o clock. Wow!! That is a record... I think. The world was still blurry as I tried to get up. I could distinctly see Liu's figure in front of me. He was shaking his head sadly towards me. 

    "Jeff... you okay?" Liu asked hesitantly. I ignored him. "Jeff. Please just look at me." I complied with my brother's request, but the tears that started to randomly form blocked him from my view. Faster than I could comprehend, Liu was hugging me on the floor. I let myself be vulnerable for a moment as I hugged him back, letting the sobs escape my mouth. "Don't worry," Liu cooed, "I'm here." I hugged my brother as hard as I could. We stayed like that for who knows how long. For me, it felt like an eternity. 

   Eventually, Liu let go. I tried to wipe away the tears as I felt my brother judging me. "Better now?" he asked. I shook my head. 

    "No," I decided to respond honestly. "I'll never be better." I could hear my brother sigh in defeat. 

    "I know what will make you feel better..." Liu said after awhile. I perked up at my brother's response. 

    "What?" I said, more harsher than I meant to. Liu didn't react though. Instead, he said,

    "How about you come to Ben's Halloween party this Saturday?"

    I instantly shook my head. "I don't feel like going out," I responded. 

    Liu seemed disappointed. Still, he continued, " It'll be a lot of fun," he assured me. I still did not feel like going. I kept my eyes glued to my rip jeans as my brother talked. The silence of my room enclosed us. At first, I thought Liu finally gave up. But then his voice disturbed the silence as he continued, "There will even be alcohol at the party...." My brother refuses to drink... especially since our father sometimes gets out of hand due to it. He knows that is a way for me to escape, however. And I do have to admit this part kinda convinced me after all. But then Liu added, "Plus I heard the parents' want to make a Halloween party at our house... do you really want to be here when all their friends come over?" Yup, that was the moment I decided no. I shook my head to let my brother know. 

    "Well then, it's decided," Liu said rather happily. "You're coming with me to Ben's Halloween party." My brother declared confidently.

    "Fine," I nodded in agreement. 

    "Oh," Liu said. "By the way, you have to wear a costume," he mumbled. "Ben's orders." I nodded along again. I did not have a costume planned, but given that I'm suspended till Friday, I'm sure I could come up with something. 

    "I'll figure it out tomorrow," I told my brother.  He seemed pleased by my response. 

     "Great!" Liu exclaimed. "Now... please eat dinner tonight?" I obliged, despite how much I wanted to stay in my room. We have left overs from yesterday's dinner: sushi. I was overjoyed for the dinner. Before my parents came, I ate as much sushi that was left over till I retired in my room. I did not want to face them. I bet they didn't even know I was suspended from school, given that they didn't give a damn about my life.... until it affects them such as the fact that I'm gay, apparently.  

    "Good night," I called out to Liu as I entered my room again. 

    "Good night, Jeff," Liu replied. "Love you!" 

    "Love you, too!" With that, I gently shut my door. I pretended to be alright. But I just ended up crying myself to sleep once again.

    After all,  nothing good will ever come to me again...